You don’t notice how alone you can feel until you are in a room with a lot of people, and no one can see you.  I find ways to manage. I like building blocks. I like spending my days working on a tall tower until I have to go on my tippy toes just to touch the top.  Then, I kick it down and it falls so fast, even if I spent hours building it. I like to run and spin on my small legs down the plain, and boring halls. I like to laugh and make faces in front of those bad evil people who can’t see me, but want me to be always sad.  I like watching the boy sleep, and waiting for the time when we can play together.

I sit in a chair in a little room, my feet barely touching the ground watching my only friend; his name is Ashton, but I just call him “the Boy”.  His hair was very short, from the bad people breaking his head open, and trying to fix him. But he didn’t need to be fixed, he needed to come with me. Only then would I be able to be happy, and he would be happy too. His mommy and daddy came in, the mommy looked sad, and I knew she was just pretending, she wanted me to be lonely, and sad, and bored for all the days that I would stay in this sick building, and stay in this tiny little girl’s body.  I could barely hear the Boy’s mommy crying, and making his blankets wet. I don’t think he liked them wet. I listened to the far away beeping of his monitor that mocked me with a constant reminder of the tight-fisted grip these evil people had on him, of how long it would be before he could come and play.  

I live in a world that is different from the other one.  Mine is pale, and see-through, like me. The other one is warm; a Warm World, and has too many colors so that it hurts to look at.  I can see both worlds, but if you live in the Warm World, you can only see that. It might be because all the colors and light are too distracting.  Everything in the Warm World has another copy of it in My World. I can touch and play with everything. But there are rules that the Warm World has that makes it so boring: No you can’t try on those clothes, No you can’t throw those rocks, No you can’t sit on the counter.  Why would the Boy want to stay there, with his crying mommy, and the bad people who cut him up like he is cheese to be sliced onto sandwiches.    

The only thing that I can’t touch are people.  But that’s fine, I just go through them, and never have to worry about knocking someone over.  I can touch the Boy sometimes though, when he is partly in My World, when he hesitates and then pulls back before fully coming in.  He doesn’t understand yet how great it is, so he always pulls back when I try to take him with me. I just have to wait for the right moment to take him.  

I turned when the most evil man walked in.  He was talking to the Boy’s parents, and pretending to be a nice man, telling them that Ashton was almost better, and soon he would wake up and be gone from me forever.  He said it like it was good news, maybe because he was happy with me being stuck in this sad, dark, evil place; with sad, dark, evil people like him. The bad man took the Boy’s parents out of the room; probably to celebrate how they fool the world with their tears, but really, wish for me to be hurt.  

I walked over to the Boy.  This was my last chance to bring him to me, to make him my friend.  He was still sleeping, sleeping so deeply that I could touch his cold hand.  I like cold. I grabbed his arm, and pulled softly, the shimmery shadow of his arm slipped away in my grasp.  He became more solid as he separated from the Warm World. I filled with happiness. He was almost mine! His head lulled to the side, and out of the Warm World until, finally, his eyes opened in my world to he saw me for the first time.  My face widened into what might have been a smile. I tried so hard to smile, I hadn’t done so in so long. I must have done something wrong, because he stared at me for a moment, then he pulled away. I gripped him harder, digging my nails into his soft, even more solid flesh.  He didn’t know what was best for him; I did. He didn’t know how much fun we would have building towers, and running through the halls; I did. He didn’t know how evil those people were, his mother and his doctor; I did. I was stronger than him and he would be mine, his shoulder twisted into My World and the monitor started to scream.  The room suddenly filled with more evil people trying to take him from me, but I was stronger than them. The Boy sat up, trying to gain leverage against me. More bad people. I started to tell the Boy about how much fun we were going to have, about how I had already forgiven him for fighting me. But he was shaking his head saying, ‘No no no’ over and over and over again.  He must be talking to the bad people, he wanted to come with me; so why was he still fighting?

I couldn’t understand why anyone would prefer the Warm World over Mine.  My World was full of fun, and playing, there were no rules, and you don’t have to sleep.  But he kept fighting, and pulling. My grip slipped as tears sprung into my eyes. Had the bad people convinced him that I was evil instead of them?  Was I going to be thrown back into the pit of loneliness and sadness, as the Boy joined his evil, cruel mother and father and forget all about me? But in that moment, the Boy ripped his hand out of mine and lay back into his Warm World body.  I grabbed at him, but my hands only fell on My World bed sheets and the Boy in the Warm World opened his eyes. The bad people cheered and cried and celebrated their success. They had defeated me.

I stared. Tears slipped out of my dry eyes. I screamed.  My mouth widening until it felt like I was one of those scary Halloween faces.  The sound shook My World so much that the party stopped in the Warm World. They looked like they just got in trouble from their mommy. My lip wobbled as I caught my breath, noticing all the evil people staring towards me, and through me.

My hands shook with hatred and energy as I picked up the tempting blade. It was a strange sensation, the Warm World scalpel followed my movements, hovering in the air.

And now, I thought, I will have many friends.