Hi! I’m William, and if you’re reading this for the right reason, it’s because you have been told to write something for a Creative Writing assignment. The normal questions are as follows, “How on earth do I do that? How do I start? I don’t have any ideas! I’m going to get an F on this assignment, fail the class, and flunk out of high school because I decided to take Creative Writing!” Relax, dear reader. I’m here to help you! Sit back, relax, and try and read this discreetly on your computer while your teacher isn’t watching. In just 3 simple steps you too can become an expert on writing...creatively!  
Now, the first thing you’re going to want to do is find yourself a good workspace. You want somewhere quiet where you can think. Preferably this will be a seat that is not between two people who will talk to each other the whole time. There are different types of these people. The most common is The Couple. The Couple would be sitting next to each other, but they have been separated by the intelligent teacher. They will coo and say sweet nothings across you the whole time. For example, “Romeo! Oh, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo?” 
“Juliet! I am here.” 
“Romeo! I wasn’t asking where you are...but go ahead, my brightest of evening suns.” 
 “Juliet! We art separated by this vast expanse of murderous decay. (Ouch) Thou art the most gorgeous being in all the universe! I cannot bear to be apart from your radiance!”  
“Romeo! Thou art mine heaven and earth. All the power of the almighty could not tear us apart! I would positively DIE if I did not have you in mine life!” 
“Juliet! I would leave this cruel earth if I could not count on your love to get me through the most sumptuous of days!” 
“Romeo! I do believe you have used the wrong word in thine sentence.” 
“Juliet! You are... wait, are you kidding me!? You are always correcting my grammar, Jules! That’s it! We are through!” 
You see what I mean? Luckily though, you won’t have to deal with The Couple for long. If you have any sense at all, you have probably realized that things aren’t going so well between the couple. Maybe she keeps correcting his grammar. Anywho, things are quickly approaching the breaking point. Soon enough they are through. Zip. Zero. Nada. Well, at least you won’t have to hear them talk across you the whole time. All is well.... 
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!” 
Oh, come on! Can’t anything good happen to me!? 
“YOU BROKE UP WITH ME, JULES! IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY PHONE GOT TAKEN UP!” 
“YES, IT IS! YOU WERE BEING DUMB!” 
Welcome to the second stage of The Couple: The Exes. This awful back and forth will continue incessantly until they eventually get back together, or school ends, whichever comes first. The best way you can avoid this situation is by sitting somewhere quiet, possibly against the wall. If you must sit between them...may the Lord help you. They will do one of two things: they will yell at each other at the top of their lungs, or they will...flirt...with each other. Both of these are horrid options resulting in many workless class periods and lots of hair being pulled out. They will talk across you without ceasing until you can’t stand it anymore! Take a deep breath, count to ten, all is well, all is well. Much better!  
Now we move on to the second step in my patent-pending process: picking a topic. …. Um...yeah. To pick a topic you first need to.... Oh, I don’t know! Picking a topic is so difficult! There is a vast plethora of things I could talk about. Say I wanted to write fiction. Where on earth am I supposed to start? There is quite literally an infinite number of things I could say! Maybe if I just sit here, quietly, and think for a second, I can find a good topic.... “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  
“Juliet! Thou art mine whole world! I picked each of these sovereign droplets of blood one by one for you, my love!”  
“ROMAN! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DUMB?” 
“Juliet! My fair, pigeon-egg, smooth-faced, celestial, honey-tongued, wafer cake, tiger-booted, thunder-darting, flowering, precious Welsh cheese! Wilt thou be mine again?” 
“Romeo! Thine boisterous courting of my lackluster heart hath given me light in the darkness of this cruel, unforgiving, loveless world! Thou art mine everything. I shall belong to thee once more, mi amore!” 
Oh, happy, happy day. They have rekindled the sacred flame that once burned bright in both their breasts. Yay. Anyways, my only advice to you in being able to pick a topic is to write about something you are passionate about. Put to paper your thoughts in one of the oldest and most delicate forms of art. Then, regardless of the nay-sayers, you will be proud of the final result. Huh, that wasn’t too bad. I might be onto something with that.  
With that, we move on to step 3: Turning in your finished product. With a little bit of inspiration from the most unlikely of sources, you might have been able to type up something you’re rather proud of. Sure, you had to do some research, help out some other people in the class with their stories, and yes, deal with the constant ramblings of Romeo and Juliet, but in the end, could you have done it without them? Yes, at times you thought you would never be able to think, let alone write a paper, but now you’re here. Perhaps Romeo and Juliet were more help than hindrance. Perhaps they- 
“William! Art thou writing a paper, mine good dude?” 
“Yes, Roman.” 
“Could’st thou put mine glorious self in’t? Could’st thou include mine boo too?” 
“You know what? Sure.” 
“Oh, thou art the most deplorable man I have ever had the fortune to meet!” 
“That’s not how you use-. Thank you, Roman.” 
And then you hit send. You send your completed paper to your teacher, hoping for the best possible results. Sure, it took you a few classes, but in the end it was worth it. You have fostered new friendships with two people who have great potential in the drama department on the East Hall, you have strengthened your writing skills, you have penned something that you are truly proud of, and, dare I say, you most likely made a 100 on this excellent piece of literature you turned in.  
“Here you go.” 
Ah, my graded paper! Let’s see...my goodness. Did she use up an entire red pen on this thing!? Well, I can’t guarantee you’ll get a 100, but if you follow these fool-proof steps I’ve listed, then at the very least you will have something to turn in. And remember, when in doubt, just do something like How to Write a Paper.