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My Shadow
Thirty miles an hour around the corner, my headlights catch a familiar face to cast a shadow that scrapes the treetops. I know why he’s here, this is where I hit - punted, basically - a mailbox, and sent it twenty yards up the road. Stupid mistake made by a stupid teenager in his sports car. I told people that I was feeling drowsy, but I was actually driving a lot faster than I should have been. That godforsaken shadow follows me everywhere. He’s standing behind me as I eat lunch, there’s someone at the table who doesn’t like me very much. That’s okay - not everyone does, but he’s still there whispering in my ear, pointing at them. “They don’t care about you. Why does anyone else? Your best friend didn’t invite you to the movies, why do you think that is?” His threats are juvenile at worst, but they still hurt. I’m at work and he’s right behind me still, critiquing every mistake. My captain corrects something I did, and he latches on like a leech. I’m not going to forget it for the rest of the night. It’s the summer and we’re at a friend’s house, he and I are swimming. His greasy hair taints the pool, but I’m the only one that can see. Oily water surrounds them, but they never notice. I’m disgusted by it - by him. He needs to get away before we ruin any more friendships. Wherever I go, he follows. I’m driving home now, he’s giggling in the passenger seat. My phone buzzes, and I check it at home.
“Sorry you had to leave early” and many such similar texts.
For the rest of the night, I’m blissfully alone.
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A very short piece about how regrets, shame, and mental illness is something that's hard to escape from. There are dark times in our lives when we feel there's a voice in our heads berating us at every turn, and it's often hard to leave behind, and that's where this piece is inspired from.