Chosen, chosen to stand out as one before many. Is this not what we wish for? Yet, be as this may, i tremble before my people. I must remain calm. Can they hear my ever beating heart? It hurts as my heart thumps hard in my chest, but i pay no attention. The sun is rising over the east hills. It is blinding to everyone but me, for i stand in the shadow of a magnificent cross.
Although i feel week, I bow and pray to the mighty god for which I will soon be nailed to a cross and die. The ultimate price, and for what? I begin to contemplate the meaning of life. Things i still wish to do, things i wish i hadn't done, and the people who don't know how much I love them all come to mind. I begin to weep. I weep like a man who is dying unfulfilled, because that is what I am. At this moment I feel that I am a hollow shell.
As i open my eyes, I see the cross has been brought down to the ground at my feet. Feeling like I no longer deserve to live, feeling lke my dying will usher forth another soul that can better this world in ways that I failed. I lay down upon my vessel to the next world. Prepared to die, I stretch out my arms. My wrists are bound to the arms of the cross. I now watch the first nail slide through my hand with ease. I feel no pain.
I no longer feel sad or guilty or anything. It is as if my soul is giving up and will not even acknowledge pain. Another nail through my other hand and once again I feel nothing. It is as if I am watching myself from amongst the clouds.
I wonder if I have reached Nirvana. I am being hoisted back up, suspended above my people. As I look out i see a crowd of empty souls staring back at me and at that moment, I wonder why we do the things we do. And now, all is dark, yet nothing is calm.