I watch over her. Shewatches TV and I notice where she chooses to sit. "If you watch the screentoo close, your eyes will go bad," I told her. She listened. I only wish sheknew it was me who reminded her. I watch her in the morning silently reciting theLord's Prayer as she cleans and flosses her teeth. I taught her that. I watch hergo off to school prepared for all the tests and responsibilities. I encouragedher to be organized. And as organized as she may be, I wish she knew I helpedthat loose paper stay put and kept that pencil from rolling off the desk. I watchher grow in her relationships with her friends and teachers, and Ismile.

She will be fine. I still wish she knew I would be happy to patchup any bad friendships. I watch her as she goes about her after-school activitiesand the pride she feels for herself. I am so proud of her. Yet, I wish she knewit was me who inched that extra bit of motivation into her head. I watch her tryher hardest every day, and although she may fail, her spirits are lifted for hernext challenge. Although I know she will pass and fail on her own, I wish sheknew I would love to help her memorize the word she forgot to study. I watch hersigh in relief when the day is over. I'm happy for her.

Nevertheless, Ijust wish she knew I want to stop those negative parts of life from blindsidingher. I watch her doze off, and hope she dreams of wonderful things. But I wishshe knew I pushed those lids a little more than I should have, and made surethose bed bugs weren't out tonight. I wish she knew how much I love and missbeing a part of her life.

***

I think of him when I watch TV andsee all those happy families. I wish he knew I would sit a mile away from thescreen in order to watch a single show with him. I wish he knew those familiesare nothing compared to what we were. I brush and floss my teeth in the morning,and although I say the Lord's Prayer as he taught me, I always say a prayer forhim, too. I wish he knew I would brush my teeth for hours just to see him smileand tell one of his jokes again. I wish he knew the reason I smile so much isbecause of the huge part of him that is still living in me.

I arrangeeverything in an organized way, including my memories, that are neatly stacked ontop of everything, reminding me of all the great times we shared. I wish he knewI will always miss him and would throw away every piece of paper to start a newstack of memories with him.

I make new friends, and sometimes strainrelations with old ones. I wish he knew that I smile during these times. I wishhe could see that if he were with me I wouldn't care about making everythingperfect, and I would be so grateful for what I had that nothing else wouldmatter.

I practice basketball and soccer, my two biggest enjoyments, andlove making that three-pointer or scoring that goal. I wish he knew how lonely Ifeel without him, and so, instead of accomplishment, I feel defeat. I wish heknew how often I am lost without him.

I learn those irritating vocabularywords day after day and I will pass and fail on my own. But I wish he realizedhow much of my motivation is from wanting to please him. I am comforted by thefact that I made it another day in this often cruel world. I wish he knew myfeelings of comfort come from knowing I haven't forgotten him. God, I wish heknew a hug could make a world of difference for me, and I felt like the good-byewas not properly given.

I drift into dreamland and rest my mind. But if adream is a wish your heart makes, I only wish he knew how full my dreams are ofemotions straight from my heart wanting to see him and to be with him for justone day. I wish he knew how much I love and miss him being a part of my life.