If love is a loaded gun | Teen Ink

If love is a loaded gun

October 31, 2007
By Anonymous

If love is a loaded gun then I'm the bullet and he's the hammer, but either way we're both half-cocked. He's vigilant as always and waiting for someone to come along and pull the trigger so that I effortlessly fly miles and miles away. The explosion that will occur at the point where the two pieces of metal meet is very similar to the fire that was ignited when we first met. It sent us flying and reeling but we were together. We traveled at the different speeds so it wasn't easy to stay hand in hand but we managed. This new one will have me moving at an incredible rate while he remains stationary. I etched the words "I love you" on the casing that I'll leave behind in hopes that it will always stay with him even when I am gone.

The smoke would creep out of the chamber just like it crept out of his lips from time to time. There will be an incredible amount of velocity behind me. I'll end up burying myself into the sand. I'm sure if you ask him he'll tell you that my head was usually somewhere other than where it was supposed to be, although I'm also sure he’ll use a much more colorful metaphor. It will hurt to be this far away and it'll be hard to find some bearings that make sense. It was always so shaky but it never felt like it would totally break free. It never felt like it wouldn't last. It's a major malfunction and the red light is spinning. The alarm sounds and it only sounds when there is a massive failure of all systems. It's times like this that you realize there are more important things to cry over than spilled milk or whatever other liquid was in that cup.

It hasn't always been this way. There was a time when I knew that I wanted to be behind the blade instead of in front of it. I swore that I'd never lose control again but by doing so I think I've missed out on some the best aspects of what true love is all about. I could write a thousand songs about the subject and that would never grant me closure. There comes a time in your life when you have to wake up. The alarm has been buzzing for years now but you keep hitting the snooze. You try so hard to get by in 10 minute increments when deep down you know that you never end up getting the quality of sleep you really need. It feels like I've been asleep for far too long and enjoying the many dreams I've had. When he realized he couldn't wake me up he decided to let his own feelings fall asleep, not beside me but far, far away. It's so far that I can't wake them up no matter how loud I scream. There's nothing worse than waking up and seeing that the one that is supposed to be beside you is gone. There is nothing worse than knowing that while I was asleep; living all my dreams, a beautiful reality disappeared. It's a tragedy...and we love our tragedies.

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