Nice guys

Well, the race was going well at first. I was in second place for a little while. Granted, there were only three guys to begin with, but second is a personal best for me. It didn’t last long though. I can never really keep my mind on what I’m doing. I just get so distracted by the bird with the broken wing or the baby on fire in the trash can next door. I try to catch up, but it never works. I always finish dead last, and sometimes I forget to finish the race completely. Not this time though. This time I’m going to catch up and finish in first place, or second, or maybe a really close third. I just have to keep my mind on what I’m doing. I’m running. I’m running. I’m walking. Wait, why am I walking? I have to finish this race. I have to! But how can I ignore that little girl? She dropped her ice cream cone. With all that mint chocolate chippity goodness flowing through the cracked shell of what used to be a waffle cone, her face is red and puffy. Her eyes are tearing up. Her shirt is hideous, but that’s not really the problem I guess. The point is, what man in his right mind wouldn’t stop to help her? Oh, yeah. I remember who. My friends would never stop. They’re too busy racing me, and winning now by a long shot. Oh, how will I ever catch up again? I just have to keep the little girl out of my mind. Maybe just a quick ice cream cone first. I mean, not for her. It's a vital part of the running process. I could get an extra. It wouldn't take me any time at all. Just a quick little stop. Okay, I’m running again. I’m running again. I think I might be catching up too. I’m the fastest creature on this sidewalk right now. That turtle has nothing on me. I still can’t see my friends, but I’m sure they’re up there. They’re probably waiting for me right now at the end of the finish line. And this time, I’ll be there to meet them, because I’m not stopping for anything. Not even to tie my OWW! Okay, maybe I’ll stop to tie my shoe. But if you really think about it, I didn’t stop to tie my shoe. My shoe stopped me, and I just tied it, so I’m not getting distracted again. Nope, that’s not me anymore. I’m not getting distracted by that tree or that bunny or that old man who needs to cross the street or that crack in the sidewalk, or the old man again, or the empty soda bottle, or the poor old man who just wants to cross the street. I will not be distracted by him. I will not let him take me down. But just look at him. Wait, no. It’s not worth losing the race just to help some guy I don’t know get across a busy, dangerous, terrifying street. Excuse me for a minute.

See? I’m back in plenty of time. The old guy was as quick as a bunny. Well, he was as quick as my bunny. I told you my bunny died last week right? Oh, well he did, but that old guy was definitely faster than my dead bunny. In fact, he was faster than most dead bunnies. But none of that matters, cause now I’m back in the race and nobody can change that. I'm running again, and I can even see the finish line. My friends aren't at the finish line. Maybe I even won this time. Hey look, a note.

“Dear Loser,


If you're reading this than you finished the race. If so, congratulations. We never
thought you'd do it this time. Also, since you usually don't finish the race, we went out to
dinner without you. We'd tell you where we are, but we don't really want you there. See
you next time.

P.S. Thanks for walking my grandpa across the street and giving my little sister that ice
cream cone. It was really nice of you.”












By Stuart G