Too Cool | Teen Ink

Too Cool

October 7, 2012
By ChristianCapers PLATINUM, Dublin, Ohio
ChristianCapers PLATINUM, Dublin, Ohio
25 articles 8 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't get embarrassed, I embarrass.

Too Cool

Cool-Z walked into the lunch room with his friends. He was wearing all black, on his leather jacket was a Dragon Ball Z and his pants were sagging to the floor. He looked like a real gangsta! He looked at his friends in dismay. They would never be as cool as him. Hannah and Brad didn't even know why they sat with him. He acted like a jerk that was better than them and they didn't have time for this. It was their junior year and they had to step up their academic game! But Hannah hurried to his table anyway. He would be lost without them.
Hannah got out her homework because she was a bookworm. "I forgot to do my homework last night," she said, flipping through her book in a hurry. "And I hate to be unprepared." She looked at Cool-Z. "Where's your food, Daniel?"
"Don't call me Dan!!" Cool-Z exclaimed. He was leaning back in his chair, cuz he considered that cool. "Call me Cool-Z or don't call me, baby." Hannah rolled her eyes. "When is the incessant "cool" phase gonna stop?" asked Brad, another friend. "Why you be sayin' incessant that way dog?" asked Cool-Z. "Because that's the rate in which you are trying to act cool, dog." Hannah giggled into her palm. "Use the word constante, cuz that's cool."
"No, you're not," said Hannah, abruptly. "There's nothing better than using pure, sincere behavior, instead of tryin' to please everybody all the time. Bein' cool isn't about getting loaded and acting like a jerk. And where is your food?!? What are you, too cool to eat?"
"Foshizzle, and you know this," he said as he lowered his hat over his eyes. "So you'll starve and waste away to nothing to be hip?"
"I bet you're too cool to do homework, too?" Brad asked, incredulously. "I also bet you think it's "happenin'" to ditch your classes. Am I right, cool guy?" Cool-Z lowered his cool cap even more and said; "Yaiaiaiaiaiai!"
Hannah and Brad just exchanged glances. "He's too full of it to even speak the King's English." Hannah whispered. Brad stifled a laugh. "I'll bet he's too cool to take a shower," Brad whispered loud enough for Cool-Z's head to snap up.
"Are you too proud to brush your teeth?"
"Are you too hot to listen to your parents?"
"He's probably too fresh to obey the teacher, huh, Dan? Are you too tough to be nice to people and get good grades? You think it's rad to slack off, is that what you think?"
"Enough," said Cool-Z, sitting up. "Y'all sound like my mother. Holla at me when y'all learn to take a chee-ull pee-ull."
"We take a chee-ull pee-ull." Brad told an openly guffawing Hannah. "And just what is this chee-ull pee-ull, Daniel?"
Hannah tapped him on the shoulder and shook her head. "Forget it. Don't waste your intellectual abilities. He's too cool to even talk right." "I know I'm too cool for y'all, I know dass right!" Cool-Z stood up. "I'm the hottest, freshest, happenin-est bwah you evah did see, cuz I don't use cray cray words like intellectumufal abilities!!"
"Well, good luck finding anyone to take your proud sass in." said Hannah. "This is high school. You have to belong into a clique or else you'll be all by your lonesome." Cool-Z sat back down. "That's an infected point," he muttered.

"Oh, so it's cool to say 'infected' now," said Brad, rolling his eyes. "Infected means polluted, contaminated, no longer clean! We learned that in 3rd grade remember?" "He can't even read!" Hannah whispered to him in amazement. "Tell us what "cool people" do then."
" Yo we's is so totally phat an' jerks jus' like Orenthawl James ditch skoo an' jive dirty an' git wasted an' hangovers sho 'nuff!"
".....I have no idea what you just said, do you Brad?" "No clue what this sho' nuff is, isn't that sure enough Hannah?"
"Uh-oh," said Cool-Z. "Yo It's almost tyme fo' class. Hannah, baby! Can ah gots some bux? Ya' dig?" Hannah looked confused. "He wants some lunch money," Brad translated. "That's what a buck is." said Cool-Z. "Say dollar," she said. "I don't know what all this 'cool talk' is. It sounds like a bunch of ghetto language. Say "may I please have a dollar for lunch?""
"Yo May ah please gots uh bone fo' lunch? what the heck sup now?" "Close enough." She held out a dollar for him and he snatched it and left without thanking her, cuz that was cool back in 2002.
Brad looked at Hannah. Hannah looked at Brad. "Let's ditch his cool butt," suggested Hannah. They left the table. They never did return. Cool-Z became a loner and an outcast. He was too cool to socialize and make friends. He dropped out of what was left of high school and wandered the streets begging for drugs. Eventually, Cool-Z managed to get a job at iKea. Brad and Hannah made it to the top of their class. Let this be a lesson to you-it's never cool to be "cool". You think, oh it's great bein' the cool guy in high school. But after high school, all the stuff you think was so important won't be anymore.

The author's comments:
Buck the status quo, people. It will get you nowhere.

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