“He is my baby. I love him like my own child.” Aunt Emma held her fluffy, brown and white mini Schi-tzu. My aunt has always been a very social person. She doesn’t care what others think of her, if she thinks you are talkative, she will treat you like a best friend. She had a husband before, so the thought of her having kids was out of the question. She recently went through a divorce. It was a very civil divorce. Her and Uncle Mike still talk and have lunch so they don’t hate each other, but they just couldn’t be together. The divorce left her without the ability to have any kids. I always thought to myself that maybe her obsession with her dog Ernie is just a way to cope with the fact she wont have any kids. “Everyone, I have an announcement!” She beamed with a smile like a teenager that just got the new Iphone 5 for Christmas. “Ernie is going to be baptized!” She stated all too proudly. I stared at her. Was she serious? “Aunt Emma you can’t baptize a dog...” Is she going crazy? Where would she find a priest who would do it? “Sure I can! I also would like you and Jamie to be the godparents!” Oh dear, the only thought in my mind was that I had a crazy aunt. I decided to humor her and go along with it. The past year was a very rough year for her. She needed the sympathy and I apparently am one of the only people who would be nice enough not to judge her. Why not right? Boy, I am in for a weird weekend.
Aunt Emma is very excited for her “baby’s” baptism. I never realized how badly she wants to do this. “Do you think the church will give me holy water if I ask? Or should I just bring this empty coke can and take some from the bowl out front?” She proclaimed with a serious tone. Was she serious? What have I gotten myself into? While so deep in thought, I didn’t hear the slam from the door. She’s gone. She is about to go steal holy water from a church. “Is she serious about this?” I asked my cousin. I looked at my Aunt Kathy, hoping she would explain what was going on. “Natalie, sweetie, you have to realize, she has always wanted to have kids, but she can’t anymore. He biological clock is ticking away. Ernie is all she has left.” I guess she had a point. She is my aunt and I loved her, I might as well make her happy. An hour passed and she came swooping through the door. “They gave it to me! I guess they felt bad or something.” Her face scrunched up in a questioning manner. “The look on the priests face was just straight up sympathy. But that doesn’t matter. I have the holy water! Let’s do this!” She was rambling at this point while cutting holes into a sheet for Ernie’s legs and tail. I chirped in, “Should we all dress nice or are sweat pants okay?” The look in Aunt Emma’s eyes horrified me. “Are you crazy!? Would you wear sweatpants to church? Go change right now!” Why did I open my mouth? I slowly got up from the couch I was sitting on and went to go put on an appropriate-for-church-but-not-super-fancy type of outfit. I walked back into the living room. “Natalie! Go Google some church music so we can have it playing in the background!” This by far is probably the weirdest experience of my life. As “Let us all break the bread” played, Aunt Emma brought out Ernie, all dressed in a white tablecloth. “I present, Ernie John Stownik for baptism.” She hands Ernie to me, my cousin Jamie and aunt Kathy were trying to keep a serious face as Aunt Emma said, “As the godmother, do you see it that this child goes to the hands of god?” I looked around, everyone stared at me. My aunts face was shining a sweet delicate smile, Jamie refuses to make eye contact, and Aunt Kathy is holding in her giggles. I look back at aunt Emma, in a soft unsure voice, I say “I do?”