She sits in her room -- in the dark, alone.
Impossible to see.
So nobody can see the tears that stain her perfectly shaped face. Nor, the red in her alluring blue eyes. She closes her eyes -- remembering -- his eyes, his touch, the way his breath felt on her skin. Everything. Even though he’s already slipped away, the silver band sends shivers through her spine. And she thinks of yesterdays, long ago, when he was holding her in his arms -- instead spiraling down. He was just a boy. Just a boy, who took her heart between his fingers and squeezed it as tight as he could, he watched her plunder and he watched her fall. All with a smirk upon his stupid face.
She wants to hate him, just like her friends do, she wants more than anything just to be with him. To touch his pale skin, and kiss his perfect lips, but she knows that would be bad. Because they’d be cold, and he used to be so fill of warmth -- so it wouldn’t be the same. She wants to forget, but she knows deep in her heart, she could never forget. She’s forced to remember. His body falling, he was like a bird -- except he was soaring, he was falling straight for the ground. She wonders what it must have felt like, though he couldn’t feel it anyway, he was already almost dead.
The alarm shrieked, breaking the silence and her train of thought. She sat up, staring at it -- how typical she was late to her boyfriend’s funeral. She stood up, got dressed, and headed out the door. He always said he wouldn’t be caught dead at a church. And he was -- dead at a church.
She took a seat, next to a girl she didn’t know.
It was funny, she was seeing a lot of females she didn’t know -- jerk or not, the he was quite popular among the females. She wasn’t looking for anyone really, just someone she knew -- anyone she knew. In the sea of nobodies, it would be relief to see somebody. Anybody. She saw a few, Leo from the bar -- Seth, that guitar player, and Satin -- the crazy girl who works with him. But not the one person she needed to see -- Roger. Where was the spiky haired fiend at a time like this? When a priest, who’s probably never met Jamie, is saying all these nice things about him. That should be Roger, or Leo. Or even her. But surely without a doubt, Roger should be here at his best friend’s funeral. Karen couldn’t help but wonder where he was, Jamie’s one-night-stands were sitting by her -- but his best friend was nowhere to be found.
There was obviously something wrong here.
“Jamie…he was everything to me…” blubbered a girl, when the priest had decided to let those ‘close’ to Jamie to say a few words. The woman next to Karen rolled her eyes, a smirk visible on her face, Karen wondered who she was and what she meant to Jamie She found herself staring at the only other woman in the church not crying, not one stained her perfect face. Her hair styled wildly, but it fit her perfectly for some reason. And Karen found herself wondering if Jamie was her hero, or like so many other girls her villain -- or perhaps, something else?
“What are you looking at, princess?” she sneered. Karen’s heart stopped, and she shook her head forcing herself to pay attention to the blubbering girl, but the blonde girl wouldn’t let this slide. She had stroke a nerve, and she wasn’t going to allow Karen to slip away that easily. “So what’s your story -- you know, he called them all princesses, so he wouldn’t get them confused.”
Karen bit her lip, but didn’t take her eyes off the girl, watching her lips move and her sob uncontrollable until someone had to come get her. “Imagine what he did to every single one of these girls,” she motioned to the girls sitting next to them. She took one of her feet of the pew in front of her, cracking her knuckles. “You’re just another one…you meant nothing to him…” she looked up to the podium. “Well, that’s my cue, it’s been nice talking to you, princess.”
Karen glared at her, and her smirk disappeared. “It’s Karen DiCasco, got it memorized?” she watched the blonde grin sheepishly, and walk over to the podium like she owned it. She reminded Karen so much of him, only she was so much crueler -- but Karen couldn’t help but wonder, was she different? She twisted the silver band on her left finger, of course she was, she had to be after all out of these girls she was the only one with a wedding ring on her finger.
“My name is Lilith,” the blonde started. “And honestly -- you’re all full of lies.” That stopped the sniffling, and the sobbing, the whispering and everything. Lilith commanded the crowd’s attention. “Each and every one of you…except maybe the DiCasco girl back there…this man, this man“ took his own life, you all realize that right?” she glared at the crowd. “That jerk knew what he was doing, he knew how much it would hurt those closes to him…which isn't even half of you idiots.” She..choked, the words stumbled, or did Karen just imagine that? “Jamie was a jerk, but he was our jerk -- and you learned to put up with him.”
She smirked, like a mother proud of her own son, taking in all the shock faces and mayhem she had caused. The priest looked like he was about to have a heart attack or something, Karen watched as Lilith stepped down walking over to the casket and placing a silver lighter in his casket. Her head tilted to the side, as if she was seeing something more then just a dead body and maybe she could Karen thought -- maybe she saw pass the makeup and the fancy suits, and the corpse. Maybe she saw Jamie laughing at them from the pits of hell. Karen didn’t know -- she was one of the many whose eyes were glued to Lilith as she walked out.
Nobody could come up with anything after that, people talked after her, but those were just words -- words that meant nothing, because all Karen could hear was Lilith. Lilith and her truth, and her pain -- because Karen realized that he meant as much to Lilith as herself. So between his charming words, and his alluring green eyes, he stole her heart too -- Karen closed her eyes and wondered if she and Lilith were the only ones. That really had something with him, the ones that could say he was a thief and he was a liar, and he’s was so much more then the image he had. She stood up tired of people she didn’t know, and tired of wasting her time here -- he was going to stay dead, and there was no chance of him ever waking up. And Karen opened the door, and walked out. She was surprised to see Roger sitting there on the steps of the church smoking a cigarette, mainly because Roger didn’t smoke and that itself caught her off guard. She closed her eyes, and put on a face as she ignored him, because he wasn’t in there telling the happy stories about Jamie from their childhood, and he should have been there right in the front row.
Yet, he was here, too afraid to face his best friend’s death. She could relate, wasn’t that what she was doing right now? Escaping his death. She didn’t even go to the casket to say good bye, he was already gone. He had left her, with nothing but a wedding band and a note. He had left her all alone, to deal with the fact that she killed him -- it was her fault he was gone. Tears came, and she try to escape, try to break to her car and disappear. But Roger was faster, he caught her arm, and she glared at him. Only to meet his sad eyes filled with despair, she wondered if that’s how her eyes looked.
“Karen. Sit. Please.” The words in his mouth were monotone and broken. So he felt it too, the lost -- she complied, sitting next to him putting her head on his shoulder. Words weren’t exchange, there was no need they both knew what the other was thinking, Karen thought about what Lilith said and she closed her eyes. How could one man affect someone so much, and how just one stupid jerk could change everything by whispering three little words --
“I love you.” Her chest pained, she needed him and she wanted him. The warmth of his touch, and the whispering voice -- his fingers getting caught in her hair, that stupid smirk and those deadly emerald eyes. She wanted him, and she needed him -- but he was gone, and it was all her fault, she knew it and Roger knew it -- but the rest of the world was oblivious. They didn’t understand why their favorite snarky redhead took the plunge that ended his life, but Karen was oh too aware. There were different types of people in this world, some were heroes whilst others were devils and some were do-gooders whilst others were thieves -- but Jamie was all of the above and then some.
And she missed him, even though she promised she wouldn’t, he was just stupid enough to believe her. And that’s how this whole mess got started -- three little words. Three little words that meant everything and nothing, and she would have thought that he out of all people would have seen through her lie. He would have called her on her, after all he was the master of it --
She was just learning what her words meant.