Once upon a time, in a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young princess of 17 years of age. This princess was known by the name of Adela Charlotte – at least, this was the name she had been given at birth. The princess, however, thought that this name was too long and too stiff-sounding, and therefore shortened it to something she deemed more manageable: Ella.
Ella, although kindhearted and polite, was not an extraordinary person. She was not strikingly beautiful or surprisingly talented. The princess had shoulder-length hair the color of mud, and small eyes the color of a winter storm-cloud. Her thin lips often bent into an expression of worry. Ella was perpetually anxious, and she was especially afraid of making mistakes. The princess strived to do everything in perfection.
Ella’s father rarely felt she did anything in perfection. The king was Ella’s sole guardian, as Ella’s mother had died when Ella was just eight. While the queen had always harbored a close bond to her only daughter, the king visibly preferred Ella’s twin brother, Peter Edmund.
Peter was everything that Ella was not: he was strikingly handsome, with chocolate-colored hair that fell just past his eyebrows, coal-black eyes that sparkled when he laughed, and a wide smile that seemed to curl up just a bit more at one side. He was adored by every girl in the kingdom, but he felt that none was worthy of his attention. Peter had become arrogant from his father’s favoritism, and he often reminded Ella of her inferiority.
Although Ella was the firstborn child, it was customary for males to inherit the crown, and Peter would therefore become the next king. As heir to the throne, Peter had been trained since the age of nine on how to properly rule a country. He had been trained in subjects like History of the Monarchy, Economy, and Foreign Relations. Ella, however, had been given more “practical” classes, like Sewing, Poise, and Baking. When Ella and her brother were children, she had bragged to him that her classes were easier, but now she found them tedious. She wanted to learn facts like her brother; she wanted to learn about literature and history and geography. The princess had begged her father multiples times to give her the same classes as Peter, but the king had always refused, saying that, as a young lady with only one job – finding a husband – she had no need of them.
So Ella had given herself classes. Her home held an extensive library, one filled with dusty, thick books that were rarely touched. Once the princess was finished with her daily lessons, she would sneak off to the library and explore the forest of towering bookcases. Each bookcase stretched high above Ella’s head, and when she stood before one, running her fingers along the ancient oak shelves, she felt truly happy.
One gray winter day, when Ella was comfortably curled under a wool blanket amongst a pile of books, the library door suddenly swung open with an ominous creak. There in the doorway appeared Peter, his coal eyes wide at the sight of Ella.
“What are you doing here, Adela?” he sneered. “Shouldn’t you be doing one of your little girly lessons?”
“I finished my lessons.” Ella replied in what she hoped was an indifferent voice, determined to prevent him from hurting her feelings like he had so many times before.
“Why would Father let you in here, then?” Peter appraised his sister with one eyebrow raised. The King only allowed his children to enter the library with his permission, and he often prevented Ella from entering; he said that she needed to do something more useful than read. Ella had taken to sneaking in without asking her father, and she therefore couldn’t find an answer to Peter’s question.
Peter smiled like his birthday had come early. “Don’t tell me you snuck in without permission?”
Ella opened her mouth, but yet again no words came out.
Peter’s grin stretched even farther across his face, and he turned around to shout out the door, “Father! Adela’s using the library without permission!”
Ella jumped to her feet and hurriedly began stuffing her books onto the nearest shelf. “What are you, a six-year-old?” she hissed at her brother. “Why are you always trying to get me in trouble?”
The prince shrugged, the famous twinkle appearing in his eye. “I just like to make sure my position as Father’s favorite child is secure. Of course, when isn’t it?”
Ella heard the sound of her father’s boots thumping down the hallway, and her stomach suddenly felt queasy, like it did when she ate too much candy. The king always punished Ella more harshly than Peter.
Anger suddenly bubbled up inside of the teenage girl as she stared at the smug expression her brother was wearing. Why was he the favorite? He was arrogant and cruel; his favorite pastime was making Ella’s life miserable. How did Peter please their father so effortlessly when Ella tried so hard and never could? It just wasn’t fair.
Ella suddenly wanted to hurt Peter like he had hurt her so many times before. Without thinking, she lunged at her brother; her hands met the smooth leather of his jacket. She shoved Peter as hard as she could.
A look of shock flashed across her twin’s face as he stumbled backwards. Ella’s push had caught him off-guard. He fell backwards into one of the huge bookcases, and the impact caused the ancient bookcase to let out an almost human-like moan.
Ella gasped as the highest shelf on the bookcase creaked and then cracked completely in the middle, sending a huge cascade of books tumbling to the ground. Peter yelled as the books crashed around him, and yet he did not move. The falling shelf created a domino effect: the next shelf below it cracked from the weight of the falling books, and the next shelf did as well.
Ella felt frozen. She could only watch as the entire bookcase crumbled in what seemed like mere seconds. A mountain of falling debris enveloped her brother before he could escape. Suddenly he was gone, hidden under books and broken wood.
“No!” Ella screamed. She lunged toward the collapsed bookcase and began digging desperately through the books and shelves, trying to reach her brother.
“No, no!” the girl cried, tears now burning in her eyes. “I didn’t mean... I’m so sorry...”
Suddenly Ella felt a pair of hands on her back, pulling her to her feet. It was her father. In his coal eyes was an expression of fear.
“Leave, Adela!” he barked at Ella, and then turned and picked up where Ella left off, frantically throwing aside the books and broken wood.
Ella felt the acid burn of bile rising in her throat; she had a terrible feeling that her father’s efforts to save her brother would be futile. Not knowing what else to do, the princess turned and ran out of the room.
*
*
*
Ella sat by a large oval window on the first morning of March, watching as the rising sun painted an orange glow across the land. 28 days and 29 nights had passed since Peter’s death in the bookcase accident. Ella had barely been able to eat during any of those days, and she hadn’t been able to sleep during any of the nights. She constantly felt tired and queasy. The princess supposed that these were the symptoms of the heart-wrenching guilt she felt. Even though she had always hated the way her brother treated her, and been jealous of the way her father favored him, she had never in her wildest dreams wanted to kill. The vision of Peter being crushed by the bookcase haunted Ella’s every waking hour.
Ella and her father had spoken even less than usual since Peter’s death. Ella did not know exactly what time her father had entered the library on that fateful day: had he seen Ella shove Peter, or did he think that the bookcase had fallen completely on its own? If he knew that it was Ella’s fault, he hadn’t indicated it.
Part of the princess wanted to tell her father that the accident was her fault, that she was so sorry, that she had no idea that a simple shove would result in her brother’s death. But the other part of her was too terrified: if she kept it in her mind, she could pretend that it wasn’t real, that it wasn’t her fault. Saying it out loud would confirm what Ella didn’t want to admit – she had killed her own brother.

Ella also faced another major problem: with Peter dead, she was now the sole heir to the throne. At age 21 she would take her father’s crown and began ruling their country. The princess had just four short years to learn the skills she needed to become a queen.

Her father’s solution to this problem was simply to marry Ella to a prince as quickly as possible so that she was removed from the duty of ruling. Although she hadn’t told the king, Ella was against this solution. The thought of an arranged marriage to a prince she had never met terrified her - when she walked down the aisle, she didn’t want the destination to be a stranger. Plus, Ella held a secret that she would never admit to anyone, even herself. She wanted to become queen. Despite her anxieties and fears of making mistakes, she had always dreamed of ruling the country, of having the power to improve people’s lives.

It took Ella several weeks to build up the courage to talk to the king about her impending marriage to a prince. She had no hope of being able to talk him out of the idea completely - changing his mind was like trying to move one of the marble statues in the garden. Instead she hoped simply to put off the marriage until she could come to terms with the idea, as well as gather more information on the prince she would possibly marry.

The princess finally approached her father one night at dinner while they were wordlessly sipping mushroom soup.
“Father?” Ella began with just one word to test his mood.

The king looked up from his soup and glanced about the room, as if he expected someone other than Ella to be speaking. Finally his gaze settled on his daughter, and he cleared his throat hastily. “Err, yes, Adela?”

Ella stirred her soup, watching the grey mushrooms float to the top. She wasn’t brave enough to meet her father’s eyes. “Well... I know that I have about four years until I become queen, and you want me to marry before I do. But why do you think that I need to be married right now? Can’t it wait a year or two?”

Her father sighed as though the answer was obvious. “Adela, you know that I always have to do what’s best for this country. In the past Peter was positioned in the public eye as the heir to the throne, and everyone looked forward to the day when he would become king. But now...” The king cleared his throat. “Well, now you’re all that’s left. The public is already skeptical of a woman ruler, and we need to quickly end their doubt by presenting you as a strong leader. The best way to do that is to find you a husband that can stand by your side and by presented to the public as the person that will actually rule.”

“But I could be presented as a strong ruler on my own!” Ella protested. She couldn’t believe that her father thought she was so incapable of leading the country. “If you would take the time to teach me how to lead the country instead of just hunting down someone else to do it for me–”

“It just wouldn’t work, Ella!” The king interrupted. “The public is against women rulers!”

“That’s not true!” Ella countered. “Queen Anastasia, my great-great-grandmother, never married and ruled the country completely on her own! And the public adored her!”

The king looked slightly shocked. “How did you know that?”

“I read!” Ella realized that she was now shouting, years of pent-up frustration spilling out of her. “Which you wouldn’t know, because you never pay any attention to me!”

The king was silent for what seemed like a long time. Finally he pushed his soup aside and stared straight at his daughter. “Ella...” he began in a much softer tone. Ella was surprised that he was using her nickname, she wasn’t sure that he ever had before.


“Ella, I know that I haven’t always paid enough attention to you. I admit that I got too caught up in grooming Peter into being what I hoped would be the perfect king. A fault of mine is that I always saw him through rose-colored glasses – you I and both know that he was never perfect, and I was trying to make him perfect by treating him that way. And you, Ella... well, you must have gotten lost somewhere along the way. But do you know why I always treated you more strictly?”

Tears were beginning to spill out of Ella’s eyes. She shook her head no.

“Because I expected more out of you. I knew the moment I met you that you were capable of great things. I’m sorry I’ve forgotten that these past few years.” The king sighed again. “I haven’t had enough help in this parenting business since your mother died.”

He suddenly smiled at Ella. “You know, as you grow older, you look more and more like your mother. You remind me of her every time you smile.” The happy expression faded from the king’s face. “Maybe that’s why I tried to keep you from smiling.”

Ella was now completely sobbing, overcome by the myriad feelings of happiness, sadness, and guilt that seemed jumbled up inside of her. “I’m so sorry,” she blurted out. She felt that if her father was admitting to all of his mistakes, she needed to too. “I’m so sorry that I killed Peter. I didn’t mean to. I just pushed him and he fell and suddenly the bookcase was falling and it all happened so fast and I didn’t mean to... I didn’t mean to.” She stopped to take a breath.

Her father approached her and wrapped her in his arms. “I know you didn’t, Ella. I know you didn’t. It was just an accident. We both can wish that it didn’t happen, but it did, and now we have to move on as best we can.”

Ella nodded, trying to stop her tears. “You’re not angry with me?”

“Of course not. We all make mistakes, Ella. Yours may seem big now, but what matters is how you learn from it. We’ll miss Peter forever, but he’s safe with your mother. And maybe his death can bring us closer together.”

“I hope so,” Ella whispered.

The king pulled away from the princess and looked her in the eye. “Do you really feel comfortable ruling the country on your own?”

Ella thought for a moment. “I want to be married someday, and have a partner to help me rule then. But I don’t want to marry until I’m ready, and if that time isn’t until after I’m queen, then I want to rule alone until the time comes.”

The king nodded carefully. “I trust you, Ella. And I’ll always be there to help you.”

That was all Ella had ever wanted to hear.