I thought that high school was going to be easy and the best years of my life. That what everyone says right? So why is it not turning out like that? All there is; is drama, more drama and even more drama. Everything was going great the first couple of days. But when everything went down I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Over the summer Daniel and I had started seeing each other on a regular basis. We were going out almost every night and some nights we would stay in and watch a movie. Everything was going good; he was treating me right and being super sweet. He had met my parents and they had loved him. Which that was a big deal for me because if my parents didn’t like him how would it work? Well one night we were hanging out and he had tried to make a move on me that I wasn’t ready for. I had never gone as far as a kiss with a guy. I had told him that I wasn’t comfortable with going that far and that I didn’t want to do it. He had gotten upset and started arguing with me. I thought he liked me for me not just because I was the opposite sex and I had what he wanted. After our fight we had stopped talking and went our separate ways.

Today was my first day of high school. Everything went fine but I was seeing people whispering when I walked by. I didn’t think anything about it and I just went to my classes. Later on that week I had overheard some people talking about Daniel and I. I thought that they were probably talking about us starting to talk. But then when I was heading to lunch I had someone approach me and ask if I had done anything sexually with Daniel over summer break. I said that I have never done that and I asked who said it. They told me that Daniel was telling all his friends and they were telling people about it. That afternoon I went over to Daniels house to talk things out. I asked him why he was telling his friends that we did sexual things. He didn’t have a reason he just told me not to worry about it and that I should leave. At school the next day there were posters put up that had a picture of me and Daniel together with the caption “oops I went a little too far, I’m not little miss perfect anymore cause I lost my virginity”. When I saw the posters I started to cry and ran to the bathroom. I called my mom and told her I felt sick and that I need to go home. That night I knew I couldn’t live my life so I went into my mom’s room and got my dad’s hand gun. I was going to take my life tomorrow before anything else could happen.

When I got to school I acted like everything was fine. Daniel had come up to me before lunch and said that he needed to talk to me. He said he was sorry for the posters and the rumors and that he would tell everyone that they were lies; I didn’t care if he apologized or not I was doing this because too much damage had already been done, when I told him that it was too late we started to argue. I told him I couldn’t deal with this anymore and I walked away. As I started walking in to the locker room, I started to wonder if this was the right choice. Before I could talk myself out of it I put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger.

Daniel
I was walking into the gym to find Ashley. We had been arguing and I wanted to make everything better. I saw her walk in the gym but I didn’t know if she had just cut through the gym or what. As soon as I walked through the doors I heard the gun shot in the girls’ locker room. I thought I was hearing things. This couldn’t be happening, as I ran in the locker room I saw her lying there on the floor. I didn’t know what to do. As I held her in my hands the teachers started to rush in. They told me I wasn’t allowed to be in there anymore. I knew this was my fault. I shouldn’t have told people those lies; if I had just said the truth to begin with she would still be here with me.

The school had called me to the office and told me that they had contacted her parents and that her parents went in her room and found a note on her bed saying that she loved them and that she was sorry she would to be leaving them but that she couldn’t live her life knowing that people would be talking about her because of some stupid mistake the guy she loved made”. I knew that this was my fault and when the counselor told me this I started to cry. I never meant to hurt Ashley I had loved her with all of my heart. They told me that her family was making arrangements for the funeral and that they would let me know the details.

The next couple of days were a blur; school was cancelled for the rest of the week so they could clean up everything and gets the students who needed some counseling set up. I haven’t heard anything about the funeral yet. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it but I know I need to go. It would be good for me and to help me cope. I haven’t done much since that day; I just sit around in my room with the lights off. I know everyone loses people in their life but I don’t think anyone knows how to react when someone they love commits suicide because of a stupid mistake they made. My parents are worried about me but I don’t think they know how to handle things. They tell me I should take counseling but I don’t want to sit and tell some stranger all my problems.

I woke up Friday morning to my phone ringing. It was the school calling to tell me that the funeral would be Monday at twelve o’clock in the afternoon. I knew that I needed this but when the time came I was scared to go. That weekend past so slowly but when Monday morning came along I could get myself together. My mom volunteered to take me to the funeral home, she said she would stay if I needed her to but I had to do this on my own. Walking in there was hard but seeing her lying in the wooden casket was even harder. She looked so beautiful I just couldn’t imagine leaving her. After the funeral and the burial I stayed at her grave site a little bit longer I just couldn’t leave her knowing she wouldn’t be in my arms anymore. That night when I went home I couldn’t fall asleep; all I could do was think about Ashley. I knew what I had to do so that night was the night I would take my last breath. I wrote a note to my parents explaining why I was doing this and that I loved them but I needed to be with her I laid the note on my bed, slipped the noose around my neck, took my last breath and kicked the chair back.