A sun. A bright, blissful sun. Then, peace. Where was that river? Before, I ached for water. That was before I felt peace. I used to thirst, and wish for food. I no longer need food or drink. Why? Small clicks on the mountain path that come from my hooves, and then…more sun? Why are there two suns? Screeches of the big beast’s black circle hooves make me jump. Run. Run. RUN.

No pain is in my leg when I get up, though it has struck me. I see the beast’s red eyes on its back. The beast has stopped. Why? Its arm comes out then swings back in with a slam. Who is the one that comes from inside the beast? What is the stick they hold?
Why is it pointing at me?

I flee to the safety of the forest as the stick shoots noises at me. Threats. Can they see me? Would I live if the noises had hit me?

Oh there it is. I dip my head until my mouth is submerged and I try to drink the cold crystal liquid. Why can I not feel it in my mouth? That day, I felt the noise…

Why do other deers want to hurt me? Why do they look so strange? I used to fear these strange creatures, but have overcome that. Still, I do not look like them. My mother looks like me. Looked like me. The strange deer pointed his fire stick at her and the noise hit her. She never moved again. Frozen in her own fur, she stayed in The Clearing that used to house us.
Now I am alone, but she is always with me.

My head instinctively whips around, as my mother trained it to when I hear a noise. A threat. A predator. Glowing eyes fix themselves on mine. Then the pounce I have heard so many times before is upon me.

Wind. Wind in my face, around my antlers, through my fur. The air I breathe is under my fur. It is a part of me. Am I really here? Do I exist? Maybe, but who can know for certain? I remember the noises, how I was not quite fast enough. The love for my mother was too strong. I had to, I stayed. Why? My life perished. I am no more…
I am with her now.
????????????*****????????????


Trees whiz by. Out of my mirror, I see something. A flash of pink. Pigtails on a little girl. My foot slams on the brakes. Was that the one from yesterday? No, I must be hallucinating…she is long gone.
Right?

I know what I did. And I’m not proud of it…but I had to do it. Something, intuition, maybe, told me I needed to get rid of her. It was an accident, at first. But disposing of…her…was not.

I get out of my car, and bring my gun. Who knows what could be lurking. Wait, was that the pink again? I lash sideways, towards the trees.
The bushes are moving.

Something just comes over me… I shoot. I can’t stop. Stop. STOP. Why can’t I stop? I have no control. I’ve lost control of the wheel…the screams. The terrorizing screams of a little girl are something one never forgets. I won’t forget.

I cautiously step into the woods, following the movements of the shrubbery. Is that her? NO. Wait, yes. What? How? I come to a halt in front of her. Is this real? I know what I did with her body. She was…

I gingerly reach out, and… my hand goes through her, right through her. What is going on? It’s as if… as if she was an apparition? She turns around, a sincere smile on her face. She touches my cheek and closes her eyes. She looks at peace.

Then, she vanishes, and is replaced by a new figure. A deer. It runs away, and I feel as though I have to follow it. I am compelled to follow. I need to follow.

I trip over something, and fall onto a plant. I try to get up, but cannot move. At all. The plant has encased me. Pain prickles from my legs, abdomen, arms. I stop struggling. Vision goes blurry, and as trees turn to green blobs, something shines through it. Light. White, bright, pure. I don’t deserve this. No. Why?
I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve this.
???????????*****?????????????

My bones have become visible through what small bits of fur I have left. I’ve been shedding, and it worries me. On more than one occasion, I have seen…things. Visions, hallucination, maybe. Deer. Perhaps I just feel guilty, but I was completely famished, nearly to the point of death. I had to…
Do I have a…sickness?

My father, also the leader of our pack, told me about sicknesses. How it alters your mind, makes you think differently. Changes your appearance. A loud screech catches my attention. I carefully walk towards the sound, craning my neck to see.

A large…something comes into view. What is that? It has two red…eyes? Spots? And someone comes out from inside it? How? The creature is something I have never seen before. It has a flat face, unlike my rounded muzzle. It is also…carrying something. What is it? It’s long, and looks like a branch of a tree. My eyes suddenly dart over to a crystal blue figure, a deer, looking like it is made of water. Water. I need water. What I really need is food. There is a river around here somewhere… I turn around to look for it. My instincts tell me this branch-holder is dangerous, so as I scurry away. There it is. As I drink, I realize what I had seen: a deer? Another one? Guilt was eating me up! But I needed to. I need to.

As I hide in the bushes to wait for some type of food, I hear noises. Deafening noises. Many of them. The deer comes running towards me, stops, and begins to drink. It looks like a part of the water, and as its head comes up, it looks confused. Its eyes peer into mine. Is this a delusion? I know I need food, so I pounce. The doe sprints away, and the branch-holder follows it. Silently, I follow, as well. Where are they going? Abruptly, the branch-holder dissapears, and, I come to a halt.
On the ground before me, he is entangled in a plant I have never seen before.

My kindness is killing me. I refuse to eat deer, though it is the only source of food here. I am fading. I can feel it. Can people still see me? Will branch-holder join me? Most likely… Why is everything hazy? Is this what death feels like? Confusion? Out of the haze, comes a paw. A white paw.
I grasp it, and I am flying.