So many choices; I don’t know what I want anymore. Should I go with a venti, grande, or tall. Iced coffee, hot coffee, or a frappuccino. To go with the usual order and keep things vanilla or to try something new- to add whip cream and sprinkles to spice things up.
“Next person in line please”, calls the cashier from across the coffee counter.
Oh c---, I have to order but I’ve accomplished nothing but confuse myself more with my useless thoughts. Maybe if I just walk slowly my choice will come to me- think think think. I shuffle my feet as I walk up to the counter, I come face to face with the cashier, and still have no clue as to what I want. I got it, I’ll just keep things the way they have always prevailed- I’ll have the usual iced white chocolate mocha. No harm in being a plain jane, but before I’m mentally prepared, the cashier, who is apparently named Liam, follows through on the usual staff to customer dialogue.
“Hello, how are you?”, says Liam.
Habitually, I respond with, “I’m doing well and you?”
“Doing well, thanks for asking. What will you have today?”
Before I can even comprehend my internal thoughts, the words slip through my lips and into the air- no chance of returning.
“I”ll have a grande pomegranate green iced tea please.”
Why did I just order that? I have never ordered that in my life; I think I must be dying. How can I possibly come to a conclusion about my future when I mess up a simple- suppose to be coffee turned tea order. I wonder if I can get a renewal on my internal filter- Oh god.
“Excuse me, Mam?”
Looking up from the ground, I look into the eyes of an ocean wave filled with unforgettable blue- or in other words, Liam’s eyes. 
“Your name please?”
Oh of course I haven’t finished ordering yet. “Right sorry, my name is Hazel.”
“Got it, thank you.”
I need to get a grip on how to process the possibility of moving to Chicago and leaving everything behind. Just breathe Hazel, just breathe. Looking around the coffee shop, I have never noticed how cozy an unknown place could be to a lost soul. From left to right, I see an abundant of single people plugged into their music or engrossed within their books looking at peace; finding an art to escape from the real world. Oh how I long to reach that state of contentment. Walking past a couple of tables, I work my way back towards the corner booth and graciously take a load off of my feet. I set my bag on top of the table and russel through my purse to take out the necessities: my laptop, phone, and journal. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breathe- I inhale all the positive energy around me, exporting the negative out of me. Peace at last-
“Hazel.”
I jolt up, limbs stiff; God, my heart has now gone on a marathon due to it going a thousand miles an hour- so much for that peace and quiet. Strolling up towards the counter to retrieve my drink, and take notice in a little stack of “Pick of the Week” cards. Staring at them for a couple of seconds, curiosity consumes my body as I reached down to pick one up. “Playing for Change, Redemption Song”, why do I have this strange inkling about this little card? Ironic, maybe- but could this card exist as a possible sign for my fate? I slip the card into the back pocket of my pants, while snatching up my drink. As I turn to leave, Liam gives me a small smile and nod as I grab my tea; it felt as though he knew something is transpiring within but will soon become resolved. His small hint of reassurance was a nice security blanket that I was tempted to never unravel from. Heading back to my little world, I rumble through my bag in search for a pen.
“Ah, there you are”, I think to myself as I grasp the little utensil.
Crackles erupted from the well-worn, 2013 Italian leather, of my journal as I open to turn it the pesky little T-chart. Peering down, I take in the current options: To move away from my family- everything that I’ve ever known to pursue my dream or to stay here and find a new dream. The pros of leaving consist of finally getting the chance to become a part of Elite, just like Uncle Dan. To have the chance to get involved in a group of people like no other, who go above and beyond to protect the city and it’s people. But then again, if I leave New York for Chicago, I leave my mother heartbroken. I don’t want her thinking I’m leaving her for my love just as dad had done- I am nothing like him. I know in my heart what I want to do but I don’t think I have the courage to go through with it. As my heart falls down to the pits of the earth, I slump down in the booth with it. “Ow, what the heck is that?”, I think to myself. Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out the sword that has dug into my bottom. Paring down at the assaulter, I squint my eyes as I take notice in the title, “Playing for Change, Redemption Song”. After giving this little guy a good staredown for five minutes, I feel as though the big guy from upstairs may have subtly helped me out. He has given me a sign about my fate. Playing with the options, looking at the pros and cons, I realize that I should play with the change of things. That changing things up doesn’t necessarily mean it has to end in disaster- change is a positive aspect of life.
Just as this notion hits me, my train of thought starts to grind, wheels turning as I’m struck with a flashback of a conversation with Uncle Dan.
As I walk on the dark wood floors, tattered and squeeky, of the hallway a slight light shines through the petite crack of the doorway. As I walk closer, I peer into the crack of the door- trying to get a view of the possible object behind. Using all my might, I push my body weight into the thick oak door in hopes of opening it. After a couple of minutes, I stumble against my feet as the door opens up presenting the cause of the light- Uncle Dan's shrine. “How come I had never seen this before?”, I think to myself as I gaze around the office. After looking around, I constantly go back and stare at the glass cupboard; his vest hangs with pride on the backboard, surrounded by pictures of his fellow peers- his closest friends. The pictures consist of a range of them in their uniforms to them hanging out at the bars, with the occasional photos of the unit along with people which whom they had saved.
“This seems like forever ago.”
Startled I whip around to see Uncle Dan leaning against the doorway. He strides over, giving me a hard-yet loving slap on the back. While admiring the shrine, it gives me the courage to finally push him to talk to him about the possibilities. Biting my lip, the nerves swallow me up but I refuse to let it drown me; rising above, my voice conquers.
“How can I leave the ones I love for the passion I love?”, I say.
Being taken back by the sudden outburst, I feel his hand detach from my back.
“Hazel, what are you talking about?”
Turning on my heel, I glance around the room once more and continue, “I finally have the opportunity to be a part of Elite but the thing is- er- um, it’s in Chicago.”
Turning on my heel once more, I make eye contact and notice that Uncle Dan looks unfazed.
“So?”, he says.
“So? So? Did I mention it was in Chicago?”, I practically yell at him.
“Calm yourself child, I heard you the first time. I just don’t see the problem; you got into Elite! That was one of the toughest challenges to overcome, I almost didn’t make it. Elite has been all you’ve ever wanted, you should be exhilarated!”
Taking a seat behind, his worn and tattered dark oak desk, I press my elbow thoroughly into the wood as it holds my head up and I sigh.
“Don’t get me wrong, I can die a happy person now because I’ve reached my ultimate goal but what about mom? She’ll think I’m leaving her just like dad had done. I can’t deal with that type of guilty on my shoulders, constantly pressing me down each day knowing I’m content while mom is heartbroken.”
Slowly lifting my gaze up from the mocha swirled oak, the world suddenly looks more hazy. Tears prickled in the sides of my eyes as I look to my Uncle Dan- my role model, my “father”.
“Listen Hazel, your dad was a p----. Unfortunately the whole situation was far from ideal, but your mother grew and became a whole lot stronger than you may think. She had the ability to hold up her job at the firm, raise two wonderful kids, and not go mental. She endured a lot of emotional tiredness in the beginning; any sane person would have in that situation too but she came out on top. Change is difficult but she will learn how to adjust to it and she will live- plus your mother loves to travel. So, visiting you out in Chicago will bring her such joy.”
The boulder that had once taken over my body promptly converted into a feather.
“You can’t make everybody happy Hazel and nor should you anyways. You are living your life, so do what makes you happy.”
Coming back to reality, I give the T-chart one last glance before slamming my journal shut. “Do what makes you happy”, I repeat to myself. If I know in my heart that Elite is who I am, who I am suppose to become, then no argument against it shall take place to oversee it. This chance will allow me to not only prove to myself of what I am capable of, but it will also give me a chance to give back and prove that all the mental notes and training I’ve received from my role model have payed off. I will make Uncle Dan proud and prove my father wrong about who I am- I don’t need him. I will redeem myself, my new and improved self through new experiences and a new city. Chicago, here I come.