Allison | Teen Ink

Allison

July 28, 2015
By ebhandari BRONZE, Cheshire, Connecticut
ebhandari BRONZE, Cheshire, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And those dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear music."


“Tell me about your dreams.”
Dreams? I hadn’t thought about my dreams in a really long time. Probably not since I was a little girl, aged 5 or 6 when I told people my dream was to be a ballerina.  I sat up in the grass.
“What do you mean?”
He sat up too. It was pretty dark, but I could hear the leaves crunching under him. “I mean your dreams. What do you want?”
“Well. Since I still dance, I guess I want to be a ballerina.” I kicked up my leg, pointing my toes at the star-spotted sky.
“No, that’s really not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” I asked, starting to get frustrated.
“I mean your dreams, Alie! What do you want? Happiness? Power? The ability to fly? A cake everyday of the year?”
“Ugh, quit being ridiculous,” I mumbled, reaching over to take a sip from his Coke can. We sat in silence for a while after that, and only when he got up to go did he speak.
“I ask you those things because you can be anything you want. You could be a ballerina. You could be a doctor. Or a fry cook flipping burgers.  You could do whatever and still be great. But what do you want Alie?”
If my father had heard any of that, he would’ve slapped him across the face. And then he would slap me so I could get it out of my head.  He hated inspirational stuff like that, all he ever wanted for me was to make money. He could care less about what I want. Even less about my happiness. For him, money was happiness.  And I guess I had been trained my whole life to think that way too; I was the show dog, and he was the master, a nasty leather whip in hand.
“I want money.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Your dad believes that.”
“We both believe that.”
He squatted down to my eye level. “You want happiness, Alie. You want to be a dance teacher for small little girls in tutus with a dream just like you were.  You want to fall in love with a boy and you want to kiss him real slow. You want a family and a small Colonial someplace warm. You want a corgi dog and you want to name him Sticky. You don’t want to travel for business, but you want to see the world. You want to try new foods and go parasailing and you want to believe in God.  You believe in destiny.”
“Those were childhood dreams. It was stupid.”
He reached out for my hand, and I could feel him staring at me. I wasn’t looking at his eyes, but I imagined they matched the stars in the sky. It was clear that night, but I could feel the heaviness of a few clouds settling in suddenly. I could feel the storm on its way, but I placed my hand in his as he pulled me to a standing position. He leaned in so close, I could feel his hot breath grazing my ear.
“Would your dad be mad right now? Would he be mad that I’m here with you tonight?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“You want him to be okay with this, don’t you Al?”
“You’re toxic.”
“You want him to be okay with this, don’t you, Al?” He repeated himself in a whisper.
I didn’t answer.
“Let’s take a walk,” he said nonchalantly, pulling me alongside. I heard a familiar tune humming in my pocket. I heard it too often; whenever I was gone too long, dad called.  He called, and then he lectured. And then he yelled. And then I did work. Repeat cycle.
“Oh my goodness!” He cried, clawing the cell phone from my front pocket and crushing it with the heel of his foot. He rubbed his temple fiercely. “It was giving me such a headache.”  Thunder rumbled, mumming the last few words he said.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” I whined, leaning over to pick up the now dead phone. I stared at myself in the cracked screen. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I didn’t see a difference in my reflection.
“Allison!”  Snap out of it.
“Hey, Alie.”
Just as I turned away from the mirror to go downstairs and attend to whatever my dad needed, I heard him. “What are you doing here?” I hissed.
“I dunno. Felt like it.” He shrugged and jumped down into my room from the window.
“Well, get out!” I shoved him dangerously close to the window.
He grabbed onto my wrist. “Don’t you ever take risks?” He asked seriously, holding my gaze.
“Don’t you...don’t you understand the meaning of ‘get out’?”  I pushed him further towards the open window, feeling him loosen his grip on me. My heart nearly stopped seeing a flash of fear in his eyes as he staggered backwards.  The pouring rain outside seemed to intensify.
“Alie!” He gasped.
I grabbed his hand and pulled his damp shirt collar towards me. “Oh my...I’m sorry, I’m s-...I’m so so-sorry,” I stammered, breathing in the fresh, wet scent of his clothes.  “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I do want you to stay. I’m just scared.” The rain began to subside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Allison, I will not repeat myself.”
“Yes, daddy. I apologize.” I stood in front of him, shuffling my feet in shame. 
“This is not how I raised you, Allison, I...” He trailed off, his brow furrowing. “Why are you dripping wet?”
“I was in the shower, daddy.”
“That smells like...like rain water.  Like dirt.”  He crumpled his nose in disgust.
“Rain water is pure, it is beautiful. It has touched many people.” He traced the curve of my neck gently. I closed my eyes and asked him to leave.  “You see this drop on your shoulder here? It once rained on the fiercest of dinosaurs. And this drop here, falling from your eyelash?  It was drank from a lone survivor of a drought. It saved him.” I repeated my request, but I couldn’t hear myself anymore.  I wondered if I was still saying it out loud.  “And this one, on your fingertip, it fell as a couple lay kissing in the rain.”  He continued to croon in my ear.
“He’ll see you, he’ll see you,” I whispered, feeling a tear roll down my cheek.
“You’re tainting the rain with that,” he said almost inaudibly, flicking it from my face.
“Allison! That is repulsive.” My eyes flicked open.  He was gone.  “Clean yourself up immediately! Don’t you dare go frolicking like an idiot in the rain anymore. You are a young woman, an aspiring lawyer! ACT LIKE ONE!”  Dad roared with the lightning flashing simultaneously, rattling my nerves and kicking me up the stairs.
“You’re not even that damp,” he said in a bored voice.  He was tossing around a plastic ball on my bed. “I don’t know what the big deal is.”
I stomped up to him. “The big deal is my life is set! My future is ready and you’re messing with it!  My future is--”
“Like a spotless mirror in a dirty bathroom?”  He pointed towards my door.
“Shut up.”
“Like a flickering candle in an abyss?”  He lit a match and held it up to me.
“Watch it!” I warned, holding my finger up to his nose.
“Like a moth in a flock of monarchs?” He opened his palm, and a million butterflies flew out into my face, blinding me in a fit of wings and antennae.
I held my head and screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t hit your head there, dear. Here, come. Lie down, Miss Allison. You’re alright, no one is there.”
“Yes, yes, yes he is! He’s always there!” I whimpered, clutching onto the lady’s hands.  She pushed me slowly down into the bed, hoisting a blanket up my face.  “I never wanted to do what Dad said.” I whispered, not caring that I was openly crying in front of her.
“I know, I know. It’s all done now. You are safe here.”
I sat up and shrieked. “I don’t want to be a lawyer!”
“It’s alright, Miss Allison.”
I gripped onto her tighter, feeling my fingernails digging into her skin as she tried to pull back.
“I want happiness! I want to be a dance teacher for small little girls prancing around in tutus with a dream just like me!  I want to fall in love with a boy and I want to kiss him real slow! I want a family and I want to live in a small Colonial house someplace warm!” I began to sob, my words tangling up into each other.  I let go of her arm in defeat. “I want a corgi dog and I want to name him Sticky. I don’t want to travel for business, but I want to see the world.” My voice dropped to a painfully low tone.   “I want to try new foods and go parasailing.” I began to feel incredibly sleepy and the lady looked very far away from me, but I could see her with a sad look in her eye. “I want to believe in God.  I believe in destiny.”
“I don’t want to be that guy, but I told you so.”  I blinked my heavy eyelids, seeing him materialize in front of me.
“You...you’re here.”
“I never actually left.”  He kneeled at the foot of my bed. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“Oh really?” He toyed with the white curtains and fingered the hem of my white bedsheets.  The snowstorm was pretty bad this year. It was so cold.  “I like your dress.”
“Thank you,” I replied dimly.  “I made it myself.  Look up. Do you see the snowflakes?”
“Yes.”
“I made my dress with that.”
“It’s lovely but...” He tugged at the bars on my window.  “How do you plan to get out of here?”
“Why would I leave?”
“So you can be happy.”
I rolled over lazily.  “I am happy.”  He could always tell when I was lying through my teeth.
I heard a loud clang and metal hitting the floor.  I turned to face him, my eyes widening in shock.  “Wow!”
He smirked.  “Cool, huh?”  He ran over to me, holding my hands in his. “Go for it.” 
“It’s cold outside.”
“It’s cold inside,” he responded, tapping on my chest.
“But my dad...”
He looked to his left and to his right, and then back to me.  “...is not here.”  He wrapped his strong arms under my legs and placed my arm around his shoulders as he hoisted me upward.  A few snowflakes dropped from my dress.
I giggled, watching them melt into the ground. “Where are we going?”
He took me to the edge of the window.  “Would you look at that beauty?” He said dreamily, gazing at me.  He blushed.  “Oh, and, it’s not bad out there either.”
I looked over his arms, down at the ledge.  “I could touch the clouds from up here.”
“On three we jump?”
“But...won’t it kill me?”
“Ambition will always kill you. But it’s worth dying for.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“I am holding you.”
I took a deep, shaky breath, staring intently at the racing cars and rugged buildings below. “On three.”


The author's comments:

This is a short story about a girl named Alie who is struggling with following what she really wants in life versus what is expected of her.  Her struggle leads to an interesting sequence of events that is not exactly fortunate. 


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