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Jason Did Not Kill Yvonne
What do you want to know? Did I, or did I not? I’ll tell you what I did. I did not kill Jimmy. Killing someone has never even been considered in my head, at least. Yeah, I’m looking at you Bill. Bill has been giving Jimmy dirty looks for the past couple of weeks. I think Bill is responsible for this. Nah, I’m just kidding, Bill. You’re pretty cool. The real person who did this was Jason! Yes indeed, it was Jason. Jason got mad at Jimmy because Jimmy took Jason’s pencil and didn’t return it, so Jason purposely ran over Jimmy with his car. It was one of those really cool mechanical pencils that cost like, ten dollars. I can see why Jason was mad, he had every right! Wait, Jason didn’t kill Jimmy, he killed Yvonne! Oh wait, sorry, I know you didn’t want anyone to know. Listen to me, everyone! Jason did not kill Yvonne. Does everyone have that in their head? Good. Why are you in handcuffs, Jason? Why are they taking you away? Probably just to congratulate you for not killing Yvonne.
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This comedic monologue is not from a play, I made it up in the back of my head. The defendant can be performed by any gender or anyone.