it was months ago...and i can still smell her hair.
her bright red nail polish that matched her lips, her dust-colored eyesthat always seemed to light up any room she'd walk into,her long hair. her Beautiful long hair; butterscotch scented.
i remember everything,its like she's still here.i cant let her go.. No, i wont let her go.my throat tight , my eyes shut .
i cant sleep.im thinking of her till it hurts , something just doesnt feel right.Fate took a wrong turn. i need her ; i breathe her.

i left last night, caught the midnight train.i'd go anywhere , anywhere was better than this.the stars spelled out her name , constantly.she had finally made her way into my consious.

it was darker than usual...and the air smelled like rust and salt.
just looking down at the sand covering my toes made me think of her.
i can almost hear her whispering  in my ear "its too cold ben. you know i hate the beach at this time"
she did .her voice was always so pure , mellow and lovely, even when she was angry.i'd bring her to the beach whenever we'd fight ,
something about the white foamy waves,made us appreciate eachother more ,
but i always did ,
always.she was my life , my love.the only woman i've ever looked at , since i was thirteen.she made me feel feelings i never thought i could feel at such an age, but she did.

she was the paradigm of perfection and virtue, and she was mine to keep.

i torture myself here.
it all reminds me of her and how she had the luck of finding watches, money, and gold on this beach.
and i was stuck stepping over broken bottles , plastic cups, and shells you couldnt hear the ocean in.

she made my life , wonderfulli was the happiest man alive , and i was almost poitive that was a fact.

i had to leave here,every train of thought took me straight to her ; her absesnce destroyed me.Im Alone.Im Empty.im never going to let her go, i cant.
i dont want to.
this beach has already made me sick to my stomach and the smell was making it all worse.

i left.i bought her a sunflower,she always loved having just one , she said too many took away all the beauty,

i was starting to see the sunrise slowly,something we always did together...

i hated to visit her , now that we werent together.it broke my heart in more ways than one.

i placed the flower on the ground over her head,and prayed to god that heaven was lucky to have her

......"i love you , anabella"