The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Love Is Scary
By xFallenAngelx BRONZE
Canoga Park, California
xFallenAngelx BRONZE, Canoga Park, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Vivir con el corazon abierto

View profile
Fiction
Helena
By geekgrrl SILVER
Ellicott City, Maryland
geekgrrl SILVER, Ellicott City, Maryland
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments
View profile
Fiction
Scrat Man
By jeter95 BRONZE
Roslyn, New York
jeter95 BRONZE, Roslyn, New York
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you&#039;re going to play at all, you&#039;re out to win. Baseball, board games, playing Jeopardy, I hate to lose.&quot;

View profile
Fiction
The quest of Avalon
By Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE
Hooper, Utah
Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE, Hooper, Utah
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
The Most Dangerous School in the World. (inspired by Gallagher girls books)
By Krissy627 SILVER
Manhasset, New York
Krissy627 SILVER, Manhasset, New York
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
Fiction
Erik: The Aftermath
By Raven_Lilith_Jace GOLD
Boonville, Missouri
Raven_Lilith_Jace GOLD, Boonville, Missouri
12 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I reject your reality and substitute me own!&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> - Adam Savage &quot;Mythbusters&quot;

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1985 comments.

holly1999 GOLD said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 1:18 pm
holly1999 GOLD, Middlesbrough, Other
12 articles 8 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;There was no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself&#039; - Magnus Bane

View profile
haha this is hilarious, love it!
lucycaps said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 5:44 am
lucycaps, Brooklyn, New York
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
View profile
hilarious, love it!
YasminL. SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 9:36 pm
YasminL. SILVER, Denver, Colorado
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
twilight is awesome!!  
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 2:17 pm
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
23 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life beats down and crushes the soul but art reminds you that you have one. -Stella Adler<br /> He who lives upon hope will die fasting.<br /> -Benjamin Franklin<br /> If you&#039;re absent during my struggle. Don&#039;t expect to be present during my success.

View profile
I love it. So true.
DaGreyHero said...
on Mar. 15 2013 at 3:43 am
DaGreyHero, Yokosuka, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Aron de Beaumarchais<br /> <br /> (I love sarcastic quotes)

View profile
yup, that about sums it up. Excellent job 
ANeru BRONZE said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 3:00 pm
ANeru BRONZE, South Bend, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There are things in life we cannot change, but changes us instead.&quot;

View profile
This is hilarious. xD
iam4evermyself PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 1:29 pm
iam4evermyself PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
20 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hope. It is the only thing greater than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is okay, as long as it&#039;s contained.&quot;

View profile
hahahahhahaha omg this is so funny. This is perfect. I lve it so much. 
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 10 2013 at 3:18 pm
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND, Bedford, New York
53 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Throw me to the wolves and I&#039;ll come back leading the pack.&quot;

View profile
hahahahahaa GREAT job this actually sums up the entire saga so, kudos!! :)
HeatherPaugh BRONZE said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 1:40 pm
HeatherPaugh BRONZE, New Palestine, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
someday, i&#039;m gonna run accross your mind. but don&#039;t worry..i&#039;ll be fine. i&#039;m gonna be alright. i&#039;ll be over you, and on with my life. take your records take your freedom. take your memories i don&#039;t need em. &hearts;

View profile
VERY funny. i loved it! :) great job!
alexandas SILVER said...
on Mar. 7 2013 at 9:51 pm
alexandas SILVER, Suisun City, California
5 articles 6 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I disagree with your logic and substitute my own.&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Noah (ME!) [and probably someone else]

View profile
Oh, LOL.  My sister watches Twilight a lot and I HATE it, and this is really awesome and completely disses Twilight and makes it seem actually cool in a way.  The "Yay" parts were funny because you know in the actual thing everything is so depressing that there would never be a single "Yay" in it.  This is overall awesome!
Ghostly-Rose SILVER said...
on Mar. 4 2013 at 11:01 am
Ghostly-Rose SILVER, Easley, South Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Make Life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am?! I&#039;m the man who&#039;s gonna burn your house down, with the lemons! I&#039;m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon, that burns your house down!&quot;- Portal 2

View profile
I would love to film this! Me and some friends have been wanting to start filming parodies and I saw this and was like "I wanna film that!" and then I saw your comment saying that anybody could. Credit for the script will be giving to you and ill comment on here with a link to the video when it is finished! This made me laugh so much. I dislike Twilight, but this made my day!
loverofWriting said...
on Mar. 1 2013 at 4:27 pm
This seriously made my day,dude. Totally hilarious--except you forgot the part that goes something like:         HORDES OF VAMPIRES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD: Aaaaagggh! Bella and/or her child may or may not be in danger! We must save them!!!!
Tarrin BRONZE said...
on Feb. 27 2013 at 12:16 pm
Tarrin BRONZE, Craigsville, West Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dating before thinking about marriage is like going shopping without money. You either stand around being miserable wanting everything, or end up taking something that doesn&#039;t belong to you.

View profile
This made me laugh so much!!!! that hilarious!!!!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:09 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
Hahah last one!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:08 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
this is sad ive stooped to this out of boredom
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:07 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
actually ill leave two more after this
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
hahaha heres anothere
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
Heres one!  
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:05 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
haha just because im bored im going toleave seven comments to make it top commented
Kewdee19 said...
on Feb. 19 2013 at 3:56 pm
Briliant! I wish I'd come up with it first, but now I shall have fun sharing it will all my friends that also don't like Twilight :)