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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

pulledheartstring said...
on Mar. 27 2013 at 7:12 pm
pulledheartstring, San Jose, California
0 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. -- Mahatma Gandhi

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Oh my gosh, right on. xD
holly1999 GOLD said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 1:18 pm
holly1999 GOLD, Middlesbrough, Other
12 articles 8 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;There was no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself&#039; - Magnus Bane

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haha this is hilarious, love it!
lucycaps said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 5:44 am
lucycaps, Brooklyn, New York
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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hilarious, love it!
YasminL. SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 9:36 pm
YasminL. SILVER, Denver, Colorado
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
twilight is awesome!!  
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 2:17 pm
Wontgiveup17 PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
23 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life beats down and crushes the soul but art reminds you that you have one. -Stella Adler<br /> He who lives upon hope will die fasting.<br /> -Benjamin Franklin<br /> If you&#039;re absent during my struggle. Don&#039;t expect to be present during my success.

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I love it. So true.
DaGreyHero said...
on Mar. 15 2013 at 3:43 am
DaGreyHero, Yokosuka, Other
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Aron de Beaumarchais<br /> <br /> (I love sarcastic quotes)

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yup, that about sums it up. Excellent job 
ANeru BRONZE said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 3:00 pm
ANeru BRONZE, South Bend, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There are things in life we cannot change, but changes us instead.&quot;

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This is hilarious. xD
iam4evermyself PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 11 2013 at 1:29 pm
iam4evermyself PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
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hahahahhahaha omg this is so funny. This is perfect. I lve it so much. 
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 10 2013 at 3:18 pm
LivingTheDr3Am DIAMOND, Bedford, New York
53 articles 0 photos 32 comments

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hahahahahaa GREAT job this actually sums up the entire saga so, kudos!! :)
HeatherPaugh BRONZE said...
on Mar. 8 2013 at 1:40 pm
HeatherPaugh BRONZE, New Palestine, Indiana
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Favorite Quote:
someday, i&#039;m gonna run accross your mind. but don&#039;t worry..i&#039;ll be fine. i&#039;m gonna be alright. i&#039;ll be over you, and on with my life. take your records take your freedom. take your memories i don&#039;t need em. &hearts;

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VERY funny. i loved it! :) great job!
alexandas SILVER said...
on Mar. 7 2013 at 9:51 pm
alexandas SILVER, Suisun City, California
5 articles 6 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I disagree with your logic and substitute my own.&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> -Noah (ME!) [and probably someone else]

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Oh, LOL.  My sister watches Twilight a lot and I HATE it, and this is really awesome and completely disses Twilight and makes it seem actually cool in a way.  The "Yay" parts were funny because you know in the actual thing everything is so depressing that there would never be a single "Yay" in it.  This is overall awesome!
Ghostly-Rose SILVER said...
on Mar. 4 2013 at 11:01 am
Ghostly-Rose SILVER, Easley, South Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 13 comments

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&quot;Make Life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am?! I&#039;m the man who&#039;s gonna burn your house down, with the lemons! I&#039;m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon, that burns your house down!&quot;- Portal 2

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I would love to film this! Me and some friends have been wanting to start filming parodies and I saw this and was like "I wanna film that!" and then I saw your comment saying that anybody could. Credit for the script will be giving to you and ill comment on here with a link to the video when it is finished! This made me laugh so much. I dislike Twilight, but this made my day!
loverofWriting said...
on Mar. 1 2013 at 4:27 pm
This seriously made my day,dude. Totally hilarious--except you forgot the part that goes something like:         HORDES OF VAMPIRES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD: Aaaaagggh! Bella and/or her child may or may not be in danger! We must save them!!!!
Tarrin BRONZE said...
on Feb. 27 2013 at 12:16 pm
Tarrin BRONZE, Craigsville, West Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dating before thinking about marriage is like going shopping without money. You either stand around being miserable wanting everything, or end up taking something that doesn&#039;t belong to you.

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This made me laugh so much!!!! that hilarious!!!!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:09 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

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Hahah last one!
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:08 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

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this is sad ive stooped to this out of boredom
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:07 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
actually ill leave two more after this
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
hahaha heres anothere
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:06 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
Heres one!  
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 8:05 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
haha just because im bored im going toleave seven comments to make it top commented