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Bittersweet Victory
The soft sound of the TV mixed with Isabel and Farlon’s quiet sniffles filled the room almost lulling me to sleep. The movie playing really wasn’t all that sad, the vampire left the girl blah blah blah it was just some cheesy romance movie made for money. How they could cry over it I don’t know, but once the movie finished they were on me like a pack of hungry wolves on fresh meat.
“Come on Chef, you know we can’t cook as well as you do”, Isabel whined with her hands clasped tight in front of her chest.
“Flattering me will not get me to make food for you”, I replied to the teenagers in front of me.
“Levi”, This time it was Farlon dragging out the ‘I’ in my name.
“You’re eighteen go make yourself a bowl of cereal or something.”, With a huff and hunched shoulders slouched with defeat the two trekked into the kitchen. Although, I don’t know if you could call it a kitchen considering it only had a mini-fridge, a hazardous stove and a measly oven, not even a microwave. The whole apartment was a bit old and ratty with the paint flaking, ancient furniture left over from the last owners and creaky floors that made it impossible to walk around soundlessly. Though when its all you can afford, you learn to live with it. I was planning to sleep in the next day, I was off work and God knows I need it. I would have loved to stay in dream-land a little longer, and i would have if I was not so rudely awakened by Isabel’s loud voice followed by her barging into my room.
“Levi! Levi! Guess what? Look at this!”, Isabel shouted with her auburn hair flying behind her barely contained in her pigtails.
“What do you want? I was having a nice dream that did not involve a maniac bursting in my room this early on a Saturday morning.”, I remarked dryly heaving myself into a seating position against my headboard.
“Look what came in the mail for you.”, She answered in a sing-song voice before falling onto her knees at the edge of the bed while waving a thick envelope around.
“If you would stop waving it around as if it was on fire that would be great.”, Only getting a giggle in response I managed to capture the package in one hand before tugging it from the over-enthusiastic girl beside me.
“New York’s School Culinary Arts and Medical Sciences”
“Open it I want to know what they said!”
I did what she said and pulled out a packet along with some miscellaneous papers. After a few minutes of sifting through the mess that was now my bed, I looked up into her wide amber eyes and said, “They want me to go to evaluations.”
“Eek!”, Isabel shrieked much too close to my ear before jumping off the bed and fist pumping the air, her hair still on the verge of escaping its confines. “I knew you would get in! We should celebrate!”
“I’m not actually in yet” I said with a sigh, “Where’s Farlon?”
“He’s at the Diner trying to pick up a few extra hours. He’ll be back soon, I can’t wait to tell him the news. We are definitely going with you to auditions!” She replied, her enthusiasm never fading.
*
Hours later found myself still in my apartment but this time it was filled with makeshift decorations that Isabel forced Farlon to help her make.
“Congrats Levi!” Farlon shouted.
“I’m not even in yet for sure” I muttered with false annoyance.
“Of course you will”
“Shut up” Isabel and Farlon bot replied simultaneously.
It seemed as though things might finally be looking up. Now I just need to prepare for evaluations and hope that I make it in.
**
The next two weeks passed by quick enough though it did nothing to soothe my nerves. Isabel and Farlon were highly supportive but I could tell they were a bit anxious too. Both had kept true to their word and followed me to evaluations, only to be told they weren’t allowed in.
“It’s fine we will just go hang out in the bank around the corner since it has air conditioning and couches.” Farlon said with a wave before dragging Isabel away.
I turned and stared at the red brick building for a moment as if it held the answers to my problems in its fissures. I took a deep breath steeling myself for what was about to come and wiped the emotion from my face.
Upon entering the kitchen I found it to be pristine but also filled with many others who I assumed were there for the exact same thing I was. I inhaled the smell of fresh bread and garlic. Time for evaluations.
*
About two hours later I stepped out of the building looking up at the sky, it was mostly filled with pale fluffy clouds. The sun was now on the other side of the sky then it was before we left. That’s when I heard it. The police sirens, they were close by. I didn’t expect much at first considering it was New York, and crime happens often. I started walking to the bank that Farlon had said they would be at, but when I turned the corner I stopped dead in my tracks.
Across the street the steel beams of the bank gleamed at me and walls of glass towered over my head. I saw my shocked expression in the glass, but that’s not all it reflected, the flashing lights of multiple police cars were also there. I could see people inside the bank, all on their stomachs while various men in ski masks stood over them laden with onerous guns.
Before I knew what I was doing I was at the police barricade trying to get passed the obstruction. I only came back to my senses a bit when a tall police officer who smelt strongly of smoke grasped my arm.
“I can’t let you through.” He said.
“My friends are in there I can’t stay out here!” I all but shouted.
“Oh yeah? Well what is your plan? Bust in there like some hero just to get shot and killed” He snapped before adding, “in front of your friends?”
To be honest he was right. I couldn’t just march up in there unless I wanted to donate my blood to the bank’s carpet. I stood out there trying to see my friends through the glass, but with no such luck I accepted slight defeat and waited for any word on the state of my friends. I had begun to think it wasn’t all that bad, the robbers would let the hostages go and be caught. But my thoughts were cut short when the sound of numerous gunshots rang out quickly followed by screams of terror.
I didn’t know what to do as one of the robbers shot his accomplices and everyone else in the bank. I didn’t know what to do when the police charged into the bank too late. I still didn’t know what to do when I saw people; dead and barely alive, brought out on stretchers. When I saw Isabel’s body being brought out, I didn’t think I just ran to her side and grabbed her hand. I started talking to her not caring what the medic would think, I just needed to talk whether it was so she knew what I had to say before she died or so I could try to stay sane a little while longer.
“Come on Isabel it will be okay, you’re okay. Okay?” I said no sure if I was reassuring her or myself. “Everything is gonna be alright. You and Farlon are going to come home and we can all be our little family again. No bullet is gonna keep that from us.” I could barely manage out. I didn’t know where Farlon was but when it was clear no one else was coming out on a stretcher; only body bags, it was obvious what had happened. I didn’t allow myself to actually think at the moment just trying to keep Isabel awake.
It was a blur really. Soon I was in the ambulance and Isabel’s hand still tightly clutched in my hand and I talked just to not think.
“Remember that time, back when we had just met, you were pretty young, then again we all were. You had a missing tooth and Farlon always made fun of you for it. You always got him back though. You had a feisty spirit from the start. Alright, so you better keep that up okay, you’re a fighter so keep fighting Bellz.”
When we got to the hospital I wasn’t allowed into the operation room. While I sat alone in the silence the reality of the situation began to sink in and I tried hard not to think about it. I tried to think of the good times but it didn’t help much because my mind kept going back to the fact that those things would never happen again. They were done and most likely so was that period of my life.
By the time the doctor came back I wasn’t in any better of a state. When he told me that she had not made it I did not cry. I couldn't cry. It didn’t feel real. I knew that she would not be leaving the operation table for anything other than a casket but I could not cry. As I numbly walked back to the apartment I stared at the sky. That’s where my family is now, where I should be. When I got back to the apartment I made a beeline to my room, pretending not to notice Farlon’s shoes next to the door, or Isabel’s cardigan thrown over the couch cushion. I also ignored my disheveled appearance when I passed by a mirror.
I laid in bed for hours tossing and turning, I still hadn’t cried. By the time sleep finally found me, it wasn’t good but rather filled with the last images of my friends that I had burned into my brain. I woke up with the tears I needed to shed falling freely down my cheeks and I buried my face in my hands, and I cried. And cried. I cried until there was no tears left. When I finally was able to stand I made it to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I looked at my reflection and saw a broken boy. My hair was a wreck and my red rimmed eyes making me look more boyish than I was. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out unless Isabel and Fallon were there to take me home.
*
Two weeks after the funeral I still wasn’t much better. I had been accepted into the school but it was a bittersweet victory now. I moved into the dorms so I didn’t have so many memories threatening to make me break down around every corner. I had a roommate, his name is Armin. He’s really smart, his long blond hair cut in a childish way that somehow still worked for him. He didn’t mind when I would suddenly look very sullen or space out when he was talking to me because something he said reminded me about the family I had lost. He only asked once and when I gave him a vague summary he hugged me tight and said everything was going to be alright. At first I didn’t believe him, I did not want to go on alone in this world without my companions who had always been by my side. Now I started to think that every time something was too painful for me to bear. Some nights when I still can’t sleep and for a while Armin would stay up with me keeping me distracted by playing some board or card game before I would insist he go to bed, he needs sleep more than me.
*****
Even after multiple years sometimes I would still barricade myself in my room after having a rare dream about the trio that had been reduced to one. On those days I would call in sick to class and sit in bed thinking about all the times I spent with them, laughing to myself when I thought of all the times we got in trouble for doing something dumb, or crying when I thought too hard about certain things. Though, life had not gotten any easier I was able to cope with it all. I graduated from culinary school and now was a chef at a popular restaurant. I enjoyed it, after all it’s not work if you love what you do. I made new friends, though a bit reluctantly at first, only talking to Armin and my teachers if necessary. Soon enough he dragged me out to hang out with his friends, and after a few times I was the one suggesting to go. Armin introduced me to his friend Eren among others, but Eren was beautiful. With brown hair and eyes that to this day I can’t tell whether they are green or teal. He really helped me when I was still grieving and was completely patient when I wasn’t. I guess that is what got us where we are now. I don’t take anything for granted anymore, I cherish every moment with the ones I love as if it was our last, because for all I know something no one expected could happen and you never see them again, never get to tell them something you really wanted to tell them.
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