I can't anymore. It’s too hard. Life has gotten to the better of me. Not a single day passes where I think of my fallen friends. They are gone, and I'm still here. Why is it that I must survive, just for them to die without me? Never again will we meet. Never again will we cry. We will never sing together, be together, eat together, but why? I didn't ask for any of this. I did not wish for anyone to die. Violence may seem like it's sometimes the answer, but it's not. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did we have to be so stubborn? Why did we have to wish for a change we knew we could not reach? This is what they deserved, I hear people say.”Damn them for being too foolish.” You see, this does not make sense to me. We were not being foolish, were we? We just wanted a change for the better! Surely anyone can see that! I guess only me, because there's only me left. No more will I think of my friends, they have to be in a better place, I'm sure of it. But that just leads too… Is there a heaven? What if this is the only life we have, and the foolish wishing to fight was all in vain? Should we have known there was no afterlife, would we have rushed into battle? This wishing for a better life that we had, what if we already had the best life we could've gotten? Is it safer to stay safe? Or is it better to fight for what you want, what you need, what you deserve? I… don't know. We wanted, I guess, to free the people. To free the people from what, exactly? Poverty? We saw the beggars, we knew their struggles. Or, of them, I suppose. We weren't poor ourselves, just rich young boys playing hero. We wanted a way to make ourselves heard, even though we had nothing we wanted to say. We spilled wine with each other, for Christ's sake! No reason for us to go into battle is a good enough reason to see my friends die in front of me. I didn't deserve that! THEY didn't deserve that! And who cares if what I'm saying seems improbable. It's not. Too many people died for anything to make sense anymore. Jeac, Gone. Courtyfermac, gone. Enjolras, gone. Me, still here, waiting.