As a perfect straight-A student, she has never gone to an alcohol-provided party before. Her heart gallops a little, with excitement and amazement, as she steps into the gymnasium.

The huge “Happy Chirstmas” banner dangles beneath the ceiling, its glittering letters reflecting the dazzling lights spilling beams onto fabulously gowned figures below it. She isn’t sure if it is the light effects or the synonym, but everyone seems so maturely glamorous all of a sudden. It is totally different from seeing them in class or bypassing them on campus. The difference amazes her. Then, the answer to her instant perplexation suddenly strikes her. They’re in college now, they’re grownups now, they could do whatever they want without being confined by all kinds of rules; SHE is a grownup now, she has the freedom to choose what to be. The realization of this fact makes her feel somehow emancipated, as if it stealthily unleashed some refrain she cannot bring up to her head all at once.

Music thrashes itself against her eardrums, forcing all of her organs to resonate with the beats and leave her too rational brain behind. But she is sure that she fell in love with this boisterous yet resplendent atmosphere at first glance.

“Oh my god! Daisy is that you?” a shriek catches her from behind. A girl with sleek, black hair wearing a long evening gown trots toward her.

“Hey Jay, of course it is me,” she replies, smiling.

“Wow! I…I could barely recognize you without those glasses. You are such a killer! Look at your hair! I am so jealous of you blonde girls! God you look like a Barbie!”

She could feel the blood flow focusing on her cheeks. But inside, she is beaming with pride. She never knew that she is pretty.

“Come on, now. Let me take you to the others and stun them! This is so exciting!”

 “Come on Jay, let’s get you home.”

Because of the alcohol present, almost everyone drank. Since she has never drunk before, she only took a few sips of a cocktail. Naturally, the responsibility to take her inebriated neighbor home falls upon her shoulders.

“Oh God, Jay, you are so drunk. Lean against me.”

She carries Jay to her Jeep and piles her into the passenger seat and circles back to the driver seat to start up the car.

Jay is so drunk that she is talking gibberish now, so Daisy leaves Jay to herself.

With Jay sitting next to her, as a living evidence of the existence of this splendid evening, Daisy couldn’t help but let her mind wander off. She feels like she could see a bright future awaiting her. She has good grades, and she is popular—everyone seemed to like her just now, when she is dressed up exquisitely. Thus, she felt confident and was able to chat with everyone. She has never before looked forward to her future as she did at this moment. For the first time in her life, she craves for the fall of the word “tomorrow.” She sees opportunities of her life flying before her eyes. She realizes that there can be a million possibilities for her, a million ways to shine.

Jay is tossing around uncomfortably in the car now, but Daisy pays her no attention. She is too immersed in her own world.

Abruptly, he appears out of nowhere.

“Ah!!!”

A second ago, Daisy was still playing her futures in her head, humming a little. Jay was still in her state of unconsciousness. When she realized the fact that a man was right there in front of her car, it was already too late.

A loud thump echoes in the dark night.

Her face pales, her lips purse into a nervous line. But she could not bring herself to do anything. Her rations, her brain, her mind yells to her, calling for her to step on the brake, get down of the car, check on the man, and contact an ambulance. But her arms are numb, her legs are numb. She couldn’t move the least part of her. Not even her fingertips, not even her toes. She drives on.

After a few minutes, she regains control of herself. Her brain still urges her to turn back for the poor man. But, she could sense that deep down in her consciousness, she doesn’t want to face what she has done, not at all. She wants to escape. Maybe the man is okay. Maybe, maybe no one saw. Maybe she can be innocent, or rather, stay “innocent.”

She is deeply disgusted by her pathetic thoughts. For the first time in her life, she finds herself so pathetically selfish and immoral. She feels like she cannot breathe, so she pulls over and gets out of the car. She sits on the grass beside the road, staring into the darkness.

Fear writhes within her, drenching every bit of her flesh. She feels cold all over. For the first time in that night, she hates her gown. The sleeveless, dark blue lace demitoilet makes her feel even colder. She brings her arms up and hugs herself, trying to warm her body, trying to warm her heart. But it was useless. The emptiness in front of her gave her a feeling as if she were suffocating in vacuum. While physically suffering, her mind is as clear as ever.

If she goes back, then she would be ruined. She would be a murderer. She would go to jail. She would spend decades of her life incarcerated. And by the time she is free again, she would be too old to start looking for a job, and too shameful to even face anybody. She would have nowhere to stay, nothing to eat, nothing to keep her warm, nobody to talk to. Just like now, but permanently. She might even be sentenced to death! She dares not think any deeper. The thoughts bring chills to her heart and bring tears into her eyes.

Then she thought of herself on the party. How glorious she was! How bright and beautiful her future was! Now, everything that had happened that night seems to be nothing more than irony. Her surmise of all those possible futures seems to her nothing more than pasquinades.

But they would all be true if the accident had not happened to her. She had grasped the light once, but she let it slip away from her fingertips. Now, it might be gone forever. A miraculous mirage, that’s all. She couldn’t hold back her the watering of her eyes anymore. She feels her cheeks getting even colder as streams of tears trickle down and evaporate into the cold wind. She realizes, at last, that she cannot afford to lose her future.

She decides to act like nothing happened. Not going back to the incident site gives her a larger probability of getting rid of suspicion. But, to find comfort for her last-standing bit of principles, she decides that if the police comes up to her house, she would confess everything and accept the consequence of her mistake.

She finds some peace after making up her mind. The ride to her house is safe and smooth. She carries Jay to her room and forces Jay into the shower in order to drive away the alcohol-caused unconsciousness out of her body. She decides to tell Jay the truth since Jay, although she had been asleep, had been in the accident too.

“Listen Jay, I have some bad news. Our car…… hit a man. Look, I was driving you home. You were drunk. You were very drunk. You are not a bit close to sober, so don’t blame yourself. You were partying on the passenger seat beside me, and I was thinking about, about something at the party, I wasn’t concentrating on you nor the road. But then, then……Oh my god give me a second. There’s this man……Out of nowhere......And……” She cannot bring herself to say that she hit a man. She feels like a sinner already. So she motions with her hands, showing Jay how she tried to switch the direction and hit the brake, but it was too late, the car hits the man already. “I didn’t know what to do. I went all blank. And you didn’t know a thing. So I just drove on……” She whimpers to herself again. It is too hard.

Jay goes blank too. She sits there like a statue, as pale and motionless as a porcelain artwork. Then she starts stuttering: “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.”

Then she turns toward Daisy sharply. Daisy feels her heart sink into her stomach. She wonders whether she could bear her best friend judging her, calling her a criminal. “Oh my god, I am so sorry Daisy! I got drunk. I got drunk, and I killed someone! But I’m sorry! I never meant to take the wheel from you and hit a man! I……I was unconscious!”

Daisy knew by then that she had misinterpreted her hand motions. She tries to explain to her: “No, no, no, Jay it is not like that. You……”

But Jay does not give her a moment. “Oh my god Daisy, what am I going to do! How am I going to explain! ‘Sorry, but I was unconscious because I drank too much. I don’t mean to kill anybody’? But, but driving drunk is illegal too! I, I cannot get out of this! Daisy help me please!”

“Shh. Calm down now. Let’s both calm down, and think about how to……how to explain this. Maybe……Maybe no one knew about it.”

“Okay, okay. You’re right. Let’s, let’s just calm down first.”

Daisy pours some water for Jay and settles her on the bed, then she walks toward to window and sits down.

She despises her own cowardice. She didn’t even dare to tell the truth to her best friend, and now she’s set Jay into despair too. It even occurred to her that she might be able to save herself by telling the lie that Jay was drunk and unconscious and accidentally hit a man. The thought, again, disgusts her. How corrupt is she, to want to use her best friend’s future in exchange for her own?

Taking advantage of Jay is wrong in every way. Jay has a bright future awaiting her too. Jay has no less possibilities than she does. Daisy would ruin Jay if she lets Jay be the scapegoat. Jay would go through the same thing she went through on the drive back home, in mind AND in reality. It isn’t fair for Jay. And Daisy would be morally and physically burdened for life because of such a wrongdoing.

But yet Daisy can’t help but hesitate. Jay is blaming herself for this incident already. And if she let Jay go on blaming herself, she herself could again embrace her bright future with millions of possibilities again. She finally got hope for the future today; she had never craved for the future before in the past as much as she did today. Is she ready to throw all that behind? Of course not.

A knock on the door drags them back into reality. Jay shoots up from the bed, and Daisy stands up immediately.

“Police. Please open the door.”

Soon, the decision must be made at last. It will be either her life, or Jay’s life to be ruined.

“Yes, coming……”