Sleep is welcomed. No one can hurt me in my sleep, not even myself.
 
I like my dreams, they are full of adventures, and I’m never sick in my dreams. I can run and walk with no problems. I can dance and jump and exist without pain anywhere or a body so tired I cannot function. I can hold anything I want; my hands are completely still. I never eat in my dreams, but I imagine it wouldn’t make me sick, maybe I would actually feel hunger more. People like me in my dreams too, I can make friends without fear and those friends actually like me, they listen to me when I get excited and don’t comment on my stimming. I do not harm myself and my mind is quiet, I am alive without the threat today is the last. Things are odd but stable, I do not have to worry about relationships or money or jobs. My family is not present so there is no pressure to play a part, I am free to be me and I am not afraid to share it. My confidence is real.
 
Being awake is not welcomed. Anyone can hurt me when I’m awake, even myself.
 
I do not like reality, there are very few adventures, and I’m always sick when awake. I can’t run without feeling like I’ll faint and walking hurts. Dancing and jumping are out of the question and I’m always in pain everywhere, my body is so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. Objects slip from my hands; people say they shake too much. I have to eat when awake, but I’m never hungry, and eating poses the risk of two-hour nausea, where I’ll sit alone in the bathroom and hope I do not throw up. People do not like me when I’m awake, I do not know how to make friends without a game of imitation, they do not listen when I get excited and stimming causes people to stare. I pull my hair or hit the walls, and my mind is running too quickly for me to catch any thoughts besides the bad ones, and I walk on knowing there is a risk I will break for the final time today. Things are normal but unstable; I have to worry about the future and what it will bring, all or nothing clouding my mind. My family is everywhere so I put on the mask; every member sees a different one. I am trapped and afraid to speak my own thoughts. My confidence is a lie.