Unstable. Failing. Critical. Clear. Flatlining. Those words repeat over and over in my head, haunting me wherever I go. The memories replay, her head is covered in blood. Bruises and cuts color her face black, blue, and red. “Don’t go, mom, I need you.” I wake up in a cold sweat, unable to shake the memories of the crash where I lost my mom. Tears streaming down my face as I get up and look in the mirror. “Why do I keep getting these nightmares?” I’m thinking to myself. I look down to see the only thing that mattered to me. My mom. She died from a car crash a month ago with me in it. I watched crying with cuts on my face as she slowly closed her eyes and her last word barely heard “I love you”. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I move to the bathroom and pass her room.
All the memories come flashing back to me. Like the time where I punch a hole in the wall and got grounded but the picture is still there. Or the time I fell off the bed, but mom caught me just in time. She was always careful of me. Being the only child and all. We were basically best friends. I keep walking until I get to the bathroom and start getting ready for work. After mom died I had to get a job and start paying rent. The only reason I can keep the house is that I work as a waiter in the best restaurants in the city. I didn’t want to lose the house, not yet at least. Mom always talked about how she wanted to move out of this house, a small 2-bedroom one-bathroom house in the middle of a not so great neighborhood. I secretly knew she loved it though. How she would come in from work and plop down on the couch, or when she loved how cozy and warm it was during the winter.
I start brushing my teeth and getting ready. I go to my room and put on my uniform. A black turtleneck t-shirt and black leggings. As I walked down the old wooden steps that creak with the tiniest amount of pressure I start getting a bad feeling. Like when you’re on a rollercoaster and it’s about to go over the big drop. I ignore it and walk to the kitchen to get some breakfast. After a bowl of cereal, I put on my shoes and head out the door.
The cool fall breeze hitting my face as soon as I step out. Crunch, Crunch, Crunch, is all I hear the dry leaves under my feet breaking with each step I take. I get to the bus station that’s about a 5-minute walk from the house. As usual, I see the homeless person sleeping on the bench with his few belongings tucked under his feet. I can sense the bus coming or more like smelling it. The gasoline smell getting stronger and stronger until finally, the giant piece of metal makes a screeching halt in front of me. I scan my bus card and head to my usual seat, in the very back next to the window. I put my headphones in and get lost in the pool of serenity. The scenery outside zooms pass me the bright fall colors slowly transform into the dull dark buildings. As the bus pulls up to the next stop I get that bad feeling again, but this time I don’t ignore it. I start thinking if I did something wrong. Did I pay all the bills? Yes, Did I lock the door? Yes. I don’t remember what I did wrong until I smell this smell. I can’t remember the name of this smell. But it smells like… oh no. I race down the street to my restaurant, I finally remembered what I forgot to do. Turn off the gas stove. As I suspected when I turned the corner I was met with a blanket of heat hitting my face. My best friend, Stacy comes running towards me explaining everything in hysterics. After I calm her down she starts explaining it again.
“We walked into the r-r-restaurant and everything was n-n-normal, we walked in and we were s-s-setting up”, she stuttered.
“Okay,” I say slowly to show I’m listening.
“Until…” she says trailing off and tears coming up to the brim of her eyelids threatening to spill out,
“Someone walked by the stove with grease and it spilled but no one thought about it because we thought the stove was off but seconds later it burst into flames catching everything by it on fire.” I stand there horrified thinking to myself that I was the cause of this, I was the reason this was happening. I don't have any words, tears start coming to the brims my eyes as I try to ignore them and talk back but nothing comes out. Then I remember that I wear Mom's favorite necklace to work every day. I know that we're not supposed to run into buildings on fire, but I wasn't thinking I dropped my bag and my phone and run into the building Stacy screaming after me to not go in, that it's not safe but I didn’t hear her I was just focused on getting Mom's necklace back. When I walked inside it's the same interior but different feelings. The section that I usually wait is now engulfed in the hot burning fire, glowing different shades of red and orange scorching the furniture black as charcoal. I run to the break room and find my locker trying to put the combination in as quickly as possible was very difficult. Sweat coming to the surface of my forehead as I keep passing the right numbers. I can sense the fire coming towards me as it gets hotter and hotter I finally open my locker and get the necklace, but as I am starting to run out the door the fire roars in front of me trapping me in the small room I have nowhere to go. I stand there trying to figure out how to get out alive, but then it dawns on me I won't get out alive. So, I start accepting it as I slowly slip into unconsciousness, I start to smile thinking about how I will be able to see Mom again. I can feel my soul slowly slip.
Then it's all black, just pure darkness and silence but then a bright light flashes and I'm thinking to myself “Is this heaven?” But then I hear this beeping like in a hospital. I start to stir awake. Am I alive? I open my eyes to see I am in a hospital room. I look around the room and I see a familiar woman sitting in a chair looking at me. I blink my eyes to adjust them and the woman stands up and comes closer to me I look at her face and I realize… no, it can’t be it’s... MY MOM! I start to cry not sad tears, but happy ones and she starts crying too. She leans down to hug me, and we stay there for a while just crying into each other shoulder. After we’re done crying the doctor walks in and stares at me, eyes widened. He starts to explain what happened.
“You were in a car crash,” he starts to explain.
“There was a drunk driver who was on the wrong side of the road,” my mother chimes in.
“Upon impact, the airbags deployed and made you slip into a coma,” he says.
“You’ve been in a coma for the past 4 months,” my mother says voice cracking, “but I never gave up hope.”
“Funny, I thought you were dead for 4 months,” I say, throat dry.
“WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT!?,” my mother yelling.
“Actually,” the doctor interrupts, “it is very normal for patients in a coma to believe they are alive, kind of like a dream state but feels more real.”
“So THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN LIVING IN FOR THE PAST 4 MONTHS,” I scream letting all my emotions out, “I’ve been thinking that you were dead, that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone, that I have no one.”
I feel something squeeze my hand I look down and see my mom’s hand holding mine. It feels good to have that after all this time. After the doctor checks my vitals he leaves giving us privacy.
“That still doesn’t explain why you weren’t in a coma,” I say confused. She laughs a little before looking back at me.
“It’s because I wasn’t as severe as you” she explains. I nod to show her that I understand. I’m just so happy to have my mom back. After all this time of not having one, I finally do. I eat some food and get comfortable, I look at my mom one last time before letting sleep take over me.
“I love you mom,” I said yawning
“I love you too,” she says with a warm smile on her face.