I have heard it said plenty of times that most redneck injuries begin with “Hey watch this!” Then someone does something incredibly stupid. This is not a whole lot different than my recent delivery of a sailboat.

In March of 2006, my wife Barbara and I moved from Medford, Oregon to Key West, Florida. I really couldn't have lived too much further from the ocean. All of my life I have had a fascination with the ocean and with boats, so I was really looking forward to spending time out on the water.

Small boats are plentiful in the Keys, so after a few months, I had already gotten a very small sailboat. One day while taking the dog for a walk, and I found a six foot dingy in the bushes. Now what I really wanted was a sailboat a little larger to explore the area in, I was able to find what I was looking for the week of Barabara’s birthday. There was only one problem, the boat was in Fort Lauderdale, which is a four-hour drive. I drove up on a Monday afternoon, with rush hour traffic it was more like a six-hour drive. When I arrived I looked over the boat and made an offer, the owner Jim, accepted it.

I knew that I would need a few things a compass, a radio, and a new front hatch. All of my life I have had the attitude that I could do most anything I tried, and that rules didn’t apply to me. So in my arrogance, I decided that yes I need those things, but I would get them later once I got back home.

The boat was located in the owner Jim’s backyard. In order to make the trip, I brought from home the following:  a six-foot inflatable boat for emergencies, a five horsepower motor for when the wind wasn’t windy, a lot of food and water, and a few warm clothes. Also a couple of blankets and a toolbox with a few assorted tools from the shed. I also brought along a speaker with many batteries. I had my cell phone as well. The boat had a package of three flares aboard. With all of the things aboard I figured I had it covered. I only had a foldable plastic road map of the area that I had purchased at the gas station on the way up.

My plan was this, for centuries sailors traveled the coasts with nothing but the view of the land to guide them, I guess this was when the average lifespan was under thirty years old. The weather reports on the radio said the next couple of days will be beautiful, I assumed this was plenty of time to scoot down the coast. I had spent hours studying navigational charts. I had the route pretty much in my head. My plan was a bit different than the Coast Guards plan for boat travel. They say it is illegal to travel without proper charts, real charts not just something you looked at days ago. They also say it’s illegal to travel without a VHF radio or a device that can be heard for at least a mile. I only had a cheesy one you blow into like a kazoo. You can not go out onto water without a fire extinguisher, mine was left in the shed. A phone is recommended but so is keeping it dry, which I failed to do the second I stepped onto the boat. You are also supposed to file a float plan. The night before I left I showed Barabara the route I planned to take, sort of, it was more like “here you are, here is where I will be, I am going from there to here. Cya Sunday.”

This sailboat had a musty smell like great grandma’s living room and a deep green bottom covered with many random sea creatures also known as barnacles.

So at 7:30 am I waved goodbye to Barabara and pushed off the dock. In the tradition of women watching their men go off to do stupid things she cried a bit and worried a lot. She made it back home before I did.