SQUEAK!

The noise of the bus makes my eyes divert from the bright screen of my phone. The snow crunches under my feet as I make my way over towards the bus.

“Good morning” I say to Mrs. Wells. She’s always been a nice lady, quiet in nature. The only thing I never liked was how she acted towards the other kids on our bus. No amount of harassment towards me or any of the other kids would make her turn her head.

“Good morning Jake” she said with a smile across her face. I awkwardly nod my head and make my way to the back of the bus. A rush off cool air makes me uncomfortable as I get farther back. The bus jerks into rigid motion as it makes its first movements to the next pickup. The snowy wonderland just beyond the glass distracted me from life for a moment, but only for a moment. The ride comes to an abrupt stop in front of the next house on our route. My heart sinks when I realize where we are. Sweat builds up on my hands as the door to the bus opens, letting my demons in. With one subtle move she opened the doors to hell.

I shoved my earbuds in to try and pretend it wasn’t happening, not again. I thought that after a while of dealing with it that it would be better, god I was wrong. Everyday the same as the first. For some reason today was different. Today felt worse, like he had something planned. I made eye contact with Derek for no more than half a second, but that was enough to know something was up with him. He had a fire in his eyes; burning pits opening to swallow me whole. I get distracted for a second when I realize that the bus pulled up to the front of the school, doors wide open, ready to take me in. I reach for my bag as people make their way out of the bus. I walk down the aisle, keeping my head down and regretting coming anywhere near this place today. I step off and am met with a rush of ice cold air making the hair on the back of my neck stand.

Well, better get this over with.

. . .

The overwhelming noise of the class catches me off guard as the door shuts behind me, locking me in.

“Derek Rob?”, the teacher asked.

“Here!”, said a kid from the back of the class.

“Jake Parker?”, yelled the teacher. Snickers and remarks were made in the back, mocking the fact that I was even in the room.

“Here.”, I said.

I put my head down, drowning out all the people around me, trying to pretend like they’re not there. I was only in the class for a couple of minutes before I felt something hit me in the back of my head. A roar of laughter across the class makes my face burn. The object on the back of my head was starting to feel cooler, almost wet.

Oh god, please no.

I move my hand from under my head to feel the back of my head. I instantly feel a wet substance that has leaked into my hair and something else on my head.

Really?… A spitball? I didn’t realize I was back in third grade.

I wipe the disgusting goopy paper out of my hair and put my earbuds in to block out the kids in the back talking about me. The light around me started to fade with every second. Sound drifted away as sleep cried out to me.

. . .

“Jake?”

“Jake?!”

“Jake!”

“JAKE!”

I open my eyes slowly, getting blinded by the bright white fluorescent lights on the ceiling. Sounds of shoes squeaking towards the hallway draws me farther out of sleep.

“You alive?”, said the teacher.

“Yeah I’m fine”, I said as I stretched.

“If I catch you sleeping in class one more time it’s after school detention for you. Capisce?”

“Yeah, yeah I got it.”

I grab my bag and head for the door as a sea of kids fly past, all running to their next class. Washed away into the crowd, I try to make my way to my next period. People running past me occasionally bump into me, almost knocking me over. I keep walking forward when a familiar voice is heard behind me.

“Hey Jake!”

Sh*tttt

“Uh h-hi Derek.”, I said.

“Whatcha doing?”, he says as he slaps me on my back. Spikes of pain rush through my body as I try to contain whimpers.

“N-nothing. Just trying to get to class.”

“Come on Jake, let’s take a little detour.” he said menacingly. As soon as he said this, all of his friends seemed to appear out of thin air, forming around me from the waves of people passing by. I looked around frantically trying to look over people, but all I could see was a endless pit of kids.

“Where are we going?”, I asked.

“You’ll see when we get there.”, he said as he snickered.

Soon enough we came to a door that led to the back side of the school. With no teacher or other student in sight, Derek reached for his pocket and pulled out a key and shoved it in the door. With a couple twists and jerks, the door flew open.

“Go one Parker. Don’t be shy.”, said Derek.

One shove later and I was through the door. Thought ran around my mind, wondering what they were going to do with me. Their presence made me uneasy which didn't help the raging anxiety coursing through me. Out of nowhere a size 11 sneaker hit me in the back, knocking me over in a burst of pain. The snow on the ground cushion my fall but made me even colder than before. I lift my head up to try and regain my ground, I push up with my hands about an inch and red was all I saw. Blood was flowing steadily from my nose into the snow. I lift myself more, trying to pretend that the blood wasn’t there.

“You’re best bet is to stay right there buddy, getting up’s only gonna get you more” spat Derek.

“Dude I think that’s enough, kid looks pretty hurt” said one of Derek's henchmen.

“Not quite” uttered Derek.

My stomach turned into knots as he turned me over to face him. He balled his hand into a fist and pulled back. My jaw exploded in waves of agony. I opened my eyes to see if Derek was finished yet. My vision was blurred from the impact to my head and all I saw were three blurs hovering above me, staring at me. The closest blur kneeled down closer to me, coming more into focus.

“You had enough parker” said the figure.

My mind trying to put together words to say could only come up with a whine. The form chuckled as he stood back up. He turned to the other two there and said something I couldn’t make out. They made their first moves towards the door as my vision became to focus in. One of Derek's friends turned around before he went into the building. His face was one of pity, like her felt bad for me. Haunted by that face, I lay their for almost an eternity, staring into nothingness.

. . .

Life recovers back into existence as the burning cold of the snow draws me to get on my feet. I make my way around to the front of the building, holding onto the brick wall trying to keep myself steady. I open the front doors of the school, letting it swallow me whole. I slowly make my way to the office, praying that no kids come around the corner and see me. The office door was wide open so I just made my way in, not realizing the severity of what had happened, and how it would shock someone. I look up from my blood stained sneakers at the lady at the front desk. She looks up with a bright and inviting smile, but before she can say anything her face is washed with fear. I only look at her for a split second before she picks up the phone and calls home. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me, but it’s never been this bad.

“Just sit right there Jake, I’m calling your mother right now to have her come get you. For right now just take this ice pack and put it where it hurts the most alright?” she said shakily.

“Okay” I said quietly.

I grab the pack out her hand, turning my hand into an icicle. I lift the ice pack up to my face, placing it on my nose, reminding me of how I lay there. Face in the snow, defenceless, pity, blood. My heart finally starts to slow down to a more steady and relaxed pace. Being somewhere where I know I’m safe, away from everyone, is calming.

The door rushed open with a burst of cool wind from outside.

“Jake oh my god, what did they do to you?” sobbed my mom. Too much had just happened in such a small amount of time. I just stared at her with a blank face trying to think of what I should. I shook my head, taking a deep breath, smelling the metallic fragrance of the blood still partially fresh under my nose. She ran over to the lady at the desk, signing something which I guessed was a release form. I stare at the floor, getting completely lost in the moment. Tears start to well up in my eyes as I reflect on who I am. Right then and there is when I started to realize why they did this, why the kids laughed at my name. I was a loser, a nobody, nothing. Wiping my tears away I tell myself something I remember to this day.

People will keep doing these things to you if you don’t do what you need to do. You always try to hide who you are. Realize that people do these things because they KNOW it hurts you that you’re awkward, or skinny, or kinda ugly. Embrace who you are man. Isn’t life beautiful? Then love it, and learn to love yourself.