I hear the mass moaning as a ghast in gehenna.I hate that sound, it makes me physically ill.It makes me feel worthless, and like a failure in a heaven of a+ students. Conversing, rich, alive to their environment.but I, I am poor and wretched and blind and naked.Dead to this world and alive to the kingdom beyond the grave, for I bear the burdens and feel the pain of spirits.This has been so since I was a little girl, them offering commentary and me fulfilling their missions.I have short chestnut hair, strong green eyes, pale winter skin.I usually wear things others deam “ eccentric” or “ absurd”, including my favorite uniform; a bright yellow blouse with a dark purple striped suite.Many who know me attempt to decrypt the enigma , but I am a formless alien with no relation to human standards of mind and have been so since birth.I am simply a coward.At the core of what I am is fear, not a real person, just fear.I am but a gorgeous mask for satan, a penny dropped in the well, a convulsing animal with foam gushing out it’s mouth.My name is Esther Waters and I am a coward.I hear the tram approach,like my savior rescuing me from the cords of hell.

Then I land at my college, a musical college were I play saxophone.I spot my boyfriend, Donovan, who plays drums.He has azure eyes and auburn hair and a wiry ebony beard.We joke that he looks like aqualung with his beard since we both love jethro tull.He is my only friend in this cruel world, and how great a friend he is.We walk into class slightly late, “ You’re late, you slimeballs “ exclaimed the instructor.The band instructer proceeded to cuss at us with immense ire.He called me a harlot except in much coarser dialect, and used a kaleidoscope of colorful curses at us.”YOU'RE LATE C’MON”.This wounded my psyche, causing me to lose the ability to function.When we started playing the jazz groove, I squaked my saxophone like a banshee horrifying all the players, for my time has come nigh.He Wailed with hatred at me, screaming “DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY THAT?!OR DO I NEED TO SMASH THAT THING!”A cold silence overwhelmed the room.I felt my burning, aching cheeks, and my sweaty hair.”DO I?!”, “no sir” I answered. We started back into the funky beat and I squaked again, I was stifled in my tracks.My heart pounding, forehead scorching. The spirits were wailing in my ear, “YOU’RE A FAILURE!”The band instructor whispered in my ear with spit drooling out of the side of his face.”You get out of here now, BEFORE I SMASH YOUR SAX!”I fainted.I woke up days later in the hospital.Nurses swarmed around me like a pack of vultures.Apparently I had fainted from extreme anxiety.

****20 years later.

I'm married to Donovan, apparently he stuck up for me and got kicked out of the musical school.I write songs now with him and are popular in the United States and Europe.We wrote a song called “Band teacher”, and it's been getting alot of buzz on YouTube with 1.3 Million views. Our work among critics has been classified as progressive rock, with very madman like lyrics and very strong instrumentation. Concept wise very similar to the Wall by Pink Floyd.As for me I'm still an alien to this world but Donovan makes me feel loved.I guess those philosophers were all wrong, even when the authorities of this world hit you, you can still get up off the floor and love.