Tobias waited until his dad left before he got out of bed. He was used to being home alone, and kind of preferred it- he’d wait in his room, head under his covers as the sunlight from the rising sun drifted through his slanted blinds in honeyed rays. He’d hear his dad leave and lock the front door, and he’d jump from his bed.

His mommy used to make him go to school. He supposed he should be going to school- third grade was important, right? But his mom was gone now, said something about his grandma and how she would be back soon with some papers and that everything would be alright soon.

She hadn’t been back since, when she left a few months ago. Sometimes he missed his mommy. He would go to his dad’s room when he was gone and would look at the pictures that he had on his bedside table. The glass on the frame was cracked and webbed and sparkled as shards of glass threatened to slice at Tobias’s fingers. But through the spiderwebs of broken glass, Tobias saw his mommy’s face and looked at it when his father got mad.

monstrous.

Tobias got out of bed, kicking his blanket off of his feet. It fell in a crumpled heap at the end of the bed. The faces of the cartoon characters on the blanket were scrunched and mushed together, teasing a giggle from Tobias’s lips. He licked them and they stung. He wished he could use chapstick, but dad used all the money on bottles.

He asked his classmates once if he could borrow a chapstick, a few days before he stopped going to school.

“Ew no, you might give me herpes,” said a tall boy, placing his hands over his pockets defensively. Tobias stood there, defeated, as the bitter spring air ruffled his thick hair and chapped his lips even more.

“What’s herpes?”

“Grown up cooties,” said another boy, snickering a little. Tobias paused, frowning.

“I ain’t a grown up, though, I just need some chapstick.”

“Ask your daddy,” the boys said, before walking off. Tobias licked his lips again, and had to go to the nurse’s office later because they began to bleed.

Sometimes he bit his lips too, peeling the skin between his teeth. He didn’t know why- maybe he was nervous. He always got nervous when dad got monstrous. He was scared that dad would get home early- he was probably out to go buy those round sticks. He went whenever the gas station opened and came back with little blue and red boxes that he smoked.

Tobias had to act quickly. He slipped on his fuzzy slippers, grunting a little, and quickly left his room. The door squeaked on the hinges as he swung it open and rushed from the room. He was a bit scared that dad would catch him, but he wasn’t monstrous yet. He would be gentler- he hoped.

He made his way into the kitchen, passing the piranha tank. It was grimy- the glass was foggy and stained at the edges with thick, green moss. The fish darted slowly between strips of plastic seaweed. They scared Tobias because their teeth were sharp. They ate food by ripping it apart and chasing after the remains.

Dad got the fish a few days after mommy left, but never took care of them.

Tobias walked into the kitchen. A coffee mug sat on the counter. It was mommys. Tobias had painted on it last year for mother’s day at school and gave it to her. It had little red and pink hearts on it and a rainbow on the handle. She used to drink coffee in it everyday and tell Tobias she loved it, and that whenever she took a drink, she tasted magic.

Tobias picked it up, surprised to feel the weight of liquid in it. The bitter stench of old, stale coffee met his nostrils, causing him to scrunch them. He walked to the sink and stood on his tiptoes, pouring the old coffee in the sink. It splashed onto the old dishes that needed washing. He set down the mug and quickly grabbed a towel, wiping up the brown specks of coffee from the counter.

Then he took the mug, put it under his armpit, and walked to the pantry. There used to be a door there, but dad broke that down when he was monstrous. So now mommys old blanket is patching up the gaping hole. Tobias slowly moved it out of the way and walked into the pantry. His sights were set on one thing, and that was the bottles. Maybe if Tobias could hide them and get rid of them, dad would not be as monstrous as he usually was. And maybe he’d forget about the bottles and get some chapstick or food that weren’t cheesy chips or cereal.

Usually, when Tobias watched from the kitchen table, dad turned left. So he turned left and saw kitty’s litter box. It was a bit dirty. He’d have to clean it out again. Kitty ran away during the day but came back at night. One time, kitty was playing with an empty bottle and dad kicked her out of the way and started cursing. Tobias sleeps with kitty sometimes but she usually stays away and he doesn’t blame her. He wished that he could run away with her.

The cabinet was filled with old food, food long expired. On the bottom shelf was kitty’s bowl, almost empty. The shelf above her food was cleaning supplies. Tobias saw a bottle of febreeze and picked it up, shaking it a little. He then sprayed it over kitty’s litter box, before he looked up and saw them.

The bottles- most of them were full and gleamed in the sunlight. The amber liquid inside taunted him. They had yet to enter his dads body and attack his brain and make his eyes squinty and angry and his cheeks red and his hands into fists.

He stood on his tip toes and tried to reach the bottles, fumbling with the sides of the cabinet, trying to push himself up. He ran out of breath, and exhaled slowly, falling back down to his feet. The air conditioner buzzed in the silence, and in the near distance, the sound of the fish tanks filtering system also joined in. The small, chubby boy quickly walked to the backdoor. His hands grasped as the handle and he shoved it open, throwing his body weight against it. On the back step was a stepping stool, and also kitty. She looked at him with her lamplike eyes before darting in and sitting on top of the air conditioner. Tobias smiled and grabbed the stool from the porch before shutting the door. “What are you doing here, kitty?” He asked, giving the cat a scratch behind her ear. A small chunk was missing off of the top.

He shuffled over to the cabinet and set down the stool with a thump. He was about to stand on it when kitty meowed and pounced onto cabinet next to her food.

“In a second, kitty,” Tobias whispered, a bit relieved to have a friend with him as he grasped for the bottles. He saw kitty watch him with flattened ears as he reached up for the bottles. His fingers wiggled and stretched. He was almost there, almost able to grab the cart the bottles were in and bring them down.

There was a swipe and suddenly blood ran down his leg in little rivers. Tobias gasped and reached down, placing a hand on the three little scratches that kitty left on his leg. They stung with pain, like paper cuts, but worse. He cried out a little in pain and stepped down, rushing to the kitchen. Kitty trailed after, her tail down.

He took the towel and pressed it against his leg, sniffling. Little tears clung like pearls to his lower lashes. He had told the cat to wait a minute- why couldn’t she just listen? His heart thrummed like a harp, but a melody of anger was playing, not one of peace. He could feel his blood rushing, both in his veins and down his leg.

“Why would you do that!” He whirled around to face the cat, demanding. His eyes bulged and the space between his temples thundered like a herd of wildebeests were about to burst out of his forehead. Kitty flattened to the ground like a spring ready to pounce, but her eyes were wide, glassy like marbles.

“I told you to wait, didn’t I!” He shouted, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. A few landed on his lips and the salt stung but he cherished the feeling for some odd reason. He heaved a sob and let it out, feeling like all the strings and wires holding together his organs were snapping in half. He felt like he was collapsing on himself.

He had become monstrous.

He sat there for a moment, head hanging, hand on towel, before slowly lifting it. The blood was gone, for the most part. He threw the towel in the sink and looked at kitty, who was in that same position, eyes wide with fear. Is that how Tobias looked when dad came home?

He sniffled again and reached over. Kitty jerked away, tail twitching, but paused when seeing Tobias’s hand slowly approach in a friendly way. She gave a hesitant purr and pressed her head into his palm, and it fit like puzzle pieces.

“I’m sorry,” Tobias whispered in a cracked voice before leading his cat back to the pantry. He filled up a measuring cup with her food and poured it into her bowl. The pieces of kibble made clinks against the bowl, so echoey that Tobias didn’t hear the car door slam outside. Kitty ate hungrily, placing her white paws on the bowl, her dark, striped tail swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

“Hope you enjoy it,” Tobias grinned, and stepped up on the stool again. He was about to reach back up, when suddenly, the frames on the wall shook. The door had opened and slammed shut.

“They’re all sold out! What kind of gas station sells out of cigarettes!” Dad demanded to nobody in particular. Tobias stood on the stool, frozen with fear. He was monstrous- he had arrived monstrous, and Tobias had no way of stopping it.

“Where are you, boy?” His dad shouted, and kitty looked up from the bowl, tail paused mid-twitch.

“In the pantry,” Tobias stammered, making it off the stool just as soon as dad stormed in, ripping down the blanket. Tobias’s eyes went a little wide as he watched Mommy’s blanket fall in a heap on the ground.

“What are you doing in here?” Dad asked, his eyes flickering at once to the bottles on the shelf.

“Getting cereal,” Tobias said meekly, before moving out of the way. Dad had spotted the stool. He grasped the handle and swung it right in front of Tobias, barely missing him as he threw it at the backdoor. It landed with a clatter, and there was a small dent on the door.

“Why did you need that?” Dad demanded, before towering over Tobias. “Were you trying to reach shit you weren’t supposed to?”

Tobias felt like the world was closing in around him once again. This always happened when Dad was monstrous. He no longer was that same loveable person he had once been, with a beer gut his mom called charming, and thick ginger curls that Tobias liked playing in. He was taller, scarier, his eyes were not brown but black, his hair was no longer curly but matted, and long, and he smelled scary like trash and rotting food and cigarette smoke and Tobias couldn’t stop him when he was monstrous and it hurt and it hurt and it hurt and

“I wasn’t, I swear! I just wanted cereal!” Tobias said, not realizing he was crying again. His hands were raised and he could see his dads black eyes through the gaps of his fingers.

Dad growled, before turning and grabbing the nearest thing. Tobias could only see painted hearts and rainbows before Dad slammed the mug into the ground. It splintered into shards of glass, and Tobias swore that his heart broke in that same way- into a million little pieces, never to be put back together again.

“No!” Tobias yelled, sniffling and falling to his feet. He started to grab at the pieces, ignoring the pain and blood that beaded from his small cuts. His gift to mommy- destroyed.

“Get up of the floor, you aren’t a dog!” Dad shouted and grabbed Tobias by the armpit, yanking him up. Tobias sobbed and stared down at his hands. The glass was stained red. Maybe if he couldn’t recognize what was in his hands- it wouldn’t hurt this much.

Tobias yanked his arm from his dads grip and ran out of the kitchen. He didn’t hear his dad behind him, but his blood chased him, falling in droplets behind him. He slammed his bedroom door after him, only after letting the scared kitty in, and fell onto his bed. He buried his hands into his sheets, trying to get the blood off. He felt monstrous- even if it wasn’t his doing.

He hated feeling monstrous… He hated dad monstrous… He hated being in this house alone with kitty and the scary fish and his chapped lips and, now, the shattered remains of mommy’s mug. Maybe there wasn’t a way to cure dad’s monster… but he could hope so. At least, until mommy got back.

But until then, he would have to stop the monster from getting him too.