I see him walk into the coffee shop. I try to avoid eye contact, but he already locked his eyes with mine. It has only been a couple months since we ended at this very spot in town.

Hi I say with my eyes looking at his feet and sounding like I have a frog in my throat.

How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while, he responds.

The barista calls my name for my coffee so I go over and grab it. I can see in the corner of my eye his body following mine.

Do you want to sit and talk for a second, he says.

About two months ago I asked him to meet me here, unsure of what I was going to say but still knew that something needed to be done. He sat down just like he is now, and smiled at me with the same grin he always had and the same one that I fell in love with. But I could feel my stomach churning back those two months ago, as I was about to tell him that we needed to separate. We were both going on our own paths already and we were trying so hard, but something kept pulling us back. And definitely not towards each other. We were becoming distant and as I tried to say all of these things I could feel my throat slightly closing up.

Hey are you there? He says bringing me back to the present.

Yes. I’m sorry. I was just thinking back to the last time we were here together. I say.

I can see I upset him as his eyes went straight down to the floor. I don’t know why I said that. But it had to be what both of us were thinking. I just had a problem with always saying things on my mind in stressful situation without the filter I usually had. I also know he wasn’t going to feel comfortable bringing it up first. It was just the type of person he was, even though I know that he wanted to talk about it.

I just wanted to tell you that I’m figuring out how to get through this and I’m starting to be happy again.

There was a long silence. I play with the ends of my hair, tugging a little bit harder each time I pull on a strand. I feel nervous. My leg starts to shake and I can feel a shiver coming on. I look into his eyes, with the sun gleaming in. You can see a little shimmer within them. All these thoughts swirling in my head, going back and forth from what I want to say and what I should say. A bus driving by honks at the person in front of them which takes me back to reality for a moment. Both our heads turn towards the window then back at each others. I take a deep breath as I’m trying to calm my nerves that are going crazy within me.

I’m not. I want to say.  I’m happy you’re are getting there but this feels like a nightmare that I’ve been living in. I’m lost but it’s not your fault. It’s mine.

My mouth begins to open trying to say these words but nothing comes out. I can tell he doesn’t know what I am thinking at all. I replay the moment that happened two months ago in my mind over and over again. I look around at this place and it hasn’t changed at all. There is the same barista working at the counter eyeing us as though she knows the conversation we are having. The same framed picture of the coffee shop hangs on a tilt above the round wooden table we are sitting at. The same older women sitting with her computer perched on her lap at the table in the corner. As I am staring at the things that haven’t changed, I begin to think to myself: but wait, I have changed.

I’m okay. I finally push the words out. It’s been hard.

Well, that is definitely an understatement. He mutters.

I let out a laugh and for the first time in a long time, I relax. I see that his shoulders smoothen out and a smile grows across his face as well. We just look at each other and smile for a second. From there, I realize that we are both going to be fine. Especially me. Within this moment, I see that these things might have not changed around us like the picture on the wall, but we’ve both grown. I need to move on and I need to see the things that will help me. Focus on me for a little bit, I think to myself. I need to see what is the correct path for me, with no outsiders opinion and no distractions. I need to see my place in this world by myself before I can be in it with someone else.