It was like old times, sitting on the trunk of Brenna’s mom’s aging blue Honda in her driveway. This was the car with the rear window on which Brenna and her brothers stuck stickers as little kids. Before the car accident that forced them to buy a new van, the other car had stickers too. Nobody got hurt in the accident, but I remembered Brenna crying when they towed the van because she would never see those stickers again. Anyway, now the stickers that they put on the Honda years ago were white, sticky marks. Someone must have tried to peel them off; however, neither Brenna nor her brothers seemed to care. 

I shifted my position on the car, which made the trunk’s body give in and bounce back. The thumping noise made Brenna and I laugh, our voices the wind’s long-lost friends that wisped through the air. It was strange that the last time we sat on the car we were passengers, but now we were in the driver’s seat. I loved driving because it made me feel free and in control, but so much had changed, even us. 

The sunset was absolutely gorgeous, a mirage of pink, blue, and orange; however, it was different because this time I knew that the only reason such a beautiful spectacle could occur before me was because of pollution. Did the ugliness overcome the beauty, or vice versa? I really wanted to know, but no one seemed to have the answers to those sorts of things. 

The street was fairly empty; it was just Brenna and I and the cars that lined both sides of the street. Before that did not bother me, but now that I was starting to drive, I could see how it could be a nightmare to drive up and down that street. It made me a little sad for some reason. I guess I missed the times where I did not overthink. I used to view everything as perfect because I thought that was the way it was and always would be. 

“When’s Brian coming home?” I asked Brenna. 

“Next week,” she said through her smile, not trying to hide her excitement. Her brother was attending college in California, and she had not seen him in months. Anyone could have sworn they were twins by the way they seemed to share a brain, but they were simply Brenna and Brian. “He got this internship in Boston though, so he’ll only be home for like a week.” 

“Sucks.” 

“Yeah. It’s the perfect excuse for a road trip though; we’re gonna visit him for a bit in July.” 

“Do you think he’ll still drive us around while we’re in the trunk?” 

“You’re never going to give that up, are you?” Brenna laughed. 

“How could I? Oh my gosh, it was when he still had his junior license, right? So he couldn’t take the both of us. And remember imitating how his face must have looked as he got pulled over for going, like, 15 mph over the speed limit?”   

“We were so terrified! We, like, put our hoods over our heads and lay on our stomachs. Like that would help!” We were practically gasping for air at this point from laughing so loud. “Imagine if the cops did see us in the back or something! They would probably think Brian was some murderer!” 

It took awhile before we calmed down. That is what usually happened when we were together because spending time with your best friend is familiar, like when an author puts your thoughts into words. Holding my stomach, I said, “Who needs therapy and the gym when you got laughter!” 

Brenna chuckled and said, “I know Brian could definitely use some laughter.” 

Her mood seemed to instantly change. “Is he okay?” I asked. 

“I don’t know, Kayla. Yes and no. I mean, kinda. He just seems unhappy I guess. It’s almost like he lost his sparkle. I know that sounds corny, but I really don’t like the idea of Brian being the mature, boring one. Like come on, it’s Brian!” She sighed, “I guess I’m kinda scared I’m going to end up like that. Unhappy, I mean. What if I never figure out what I want to do with my life and just settle and whatever? That sounds awful!” 

The frustration in her eyes made me want to hug her and tell her that everything would work out, but I did not because I was not an optimist anymore. I did not know what I was, or rather who I was. I hoped I would figure it out though. I hoped we would figure it out, but who knew if it would be together or not. I wished we would still definitely be friends in a few years, but I knew it was not guaranteed. Everyone had these moments that you were not a part of and sometimes these moments increased until you were no longer a character in someone’s story. However, whatever would happen would happen because sometimes life was crazy and sometimes sucked, but at least we had now and those stickers that would never completely peel off. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”  I did, and she knew it. 

I wanted time to stay still and the moment to last forever. It was funny, we could talk non-stop for hours and not get bored, or we could be silent and not get bored. When we talked we said something, but sometimes silence said more than words ever could because it was tangible and lets us simply be.

It was getting darker-- it was the kind of darkness that distorted everything-- so I started to run home after we said our goodbyes. The breeze teased the arrival of summer as I ran with the lamp posts illuminating the way. I wished I could have kept running until I traveled back through time and shed all the years. However, it was still 2019 when I arrived home; I checked. All I could do was create new moments and decide to live.