Chapter One: Shy Girl 

While sitting on the cramped, uncomfortable grey seats, I wiped off the cold condensation from the window to view the world as I spaced out, I started to think about my appearance. I looked down at my baggy blue sweatpants from Walmart and wondered if my clothing choices were cool enough. I am one of the kids who sits right behind the bus driver, the kid that feels the chilling breeze when the bus door swings open. I'm the first one on the bus and the last one off. I'm aware that I'm a shy person, I know I struggle to talk to people, when I try to talk I stutter and often trip over my words. More times than not I just stop talking because I get so embarrassed that I can't speak properly like everyone else. 

I have two siblings, I'm the youngest out of the three. Justin my brother is twenty three years old and Madelyn my sister is nineteen and I am seventeen years old. My dad passed away from lung cancer when I was thirteen.  October 12th  2017. Today marks four years that he has been gone.  I got up at 6am to start getting ready for school. I knew today was going to drag considering it's the four year anniversary of my fathers death today. After school is over for the day my mom and I are going to the cemetery to visit dad and then go out to dinner in honor of him. Sunrise Memorial Garden. Everytime mom and I go out to dinner, mom always carries a picture of dad in her purse. For as big and bottomless as her purse is, that picture is usually always at the bottom and somehow never manages to get damaged. Today was the longest Tuesday ever it dragged on but the final bell rang at 2:10pm. Everyone rushed out the door like when the doors open at six in the morning on black friday. Today mom picked me up. As I weaved my way through the crowded hallways I finally made it to the doors and as I pushed my way out through the door the cold crisp breeze hit my face as I stepped my left foot outdoors. I walked down the sidewalks. There weren't too many parents picking their kids up today. I saw a red SUV parked in front of mom's blue jeep. Mom's jeep was super lifted and dad decked it all out for her in the coolest ways. She had a super cool grill on the front that basically made it look like  a mean face. I hopped up into the jeep and through my backpack in the back seat. Mom started the car and put it in gear and we got in line to get out of the parking lot of the school. Mom asked me in a cheerful but lowered voice and said “So how was school sweetie?” 

“School was okay mom, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss dad though.” I said.  

“Yeah me too sweetie, he was on my mind all day. Got any place in mind you want to go to celebrate your dad today, Ivy?” mom whispered. 

“So I was thinking Black Rock that was one of dad's favorite places and it actually sounds really good to me. Is that okay with you mom?”

“Yeah that sounds great Ivy.” Mom said then she turned on the radio. It was on this country station. The radio wasn't too loud but it wasn't too quiet either. I used it as background noise anyways. My mind was everywhere and all in one place at once. The main focus was my dad. As we pulled out of the school I watched the kids walk down the sidewalk pushing each other in a playful manner.

 Mom and I went to Black Rock because that is dad's favorite place. It's where we celebrated his last birthday. The Big Five O! Mom and I walked into the restaurant and all the memories started to hit me. Mom, dad and I all came to eat here when I was thirteen and I had a rough day at school. Someone was bullying me making fun of my nose. All I remembered is dad just comforting me and telling me how beautiful I was and how special and important I am to this family. “Ivy?” Mom said. “Ivy” Mom tapped me on the shoulder and said “come on honey our table is this way.” 

“Oh okay sorry mom, I must have zoned out.” I said.

“It's okay honey, I know this is probably a difficult place to be on a day like today.” mom whispered back, rubbing my shoulder in a way that always comforts me. Mom's voice was always so delicate sounding especially when she was out and about and we were celebrating dad. 

Once we sat down at our table mom gave me a big hug, then she reached into her light blue kate spade leather purse and pulled out the picture that never seems to get damaged at the bottom of her purse. She changed the picture which caught me off guard. Instead of the usual picture which was dad holding me and my sister as well as my brother. Instead it was a picture dad took five years ago on our last thanksgiving together as a family. He was being silly and took a selfie and it is just the most genuine photo that makes mom and I hearts feel so warm and full. Mom's phone rang, she didn't answer it, she said it was just a telemarketing call. Next up, Grandma Silverstein, dad's mother, called to see how mom and I were doing. We said “We're doing ok, how are you doing with all things considered?”

“I still have you guys so I'm doing as good as I can honey. What are you guys up to today, anything special?” She said, sounding a little bit shaky. 

Mom replied “Ivy and I just sat down at Black Rock to celebrate Dalton today.” 

“What a thoughtful idea you guys have, if you aren't too busy later maybe you guys can swing by and see me for a little bit?” said Grandma Silverstein in her sweet little voice. 

“Yeah I'm sure we can see you later today Grandma. ” I say without even thinking about what mom might have had plans for after dinner. 

“That sounds wonderful, Love you guys see you later, bye!” said Grandma Silverstein. 

Mom looked at me and smiled  with a sad tired eye “You must have missed Grandma?”

“Yeah I really did, we haven't seen her in quite a while, Sorry I didn't wait to see if you said it was okay to go to Grandmas. I hope you didn't have any other plans.” 

“I did have plans but that's okay, we can go see Grandma. I missed her too, it will be nice to see her, she's so sweet and she gives the best hugs.” 

The waiter took our order and twenty minutes later our food arrived sizzling and steaming warm to the touch. The aroma of a steak sizzling on the hot rock reminded me of dad out back on the special grill we got him on Fathers day. He always loved cooking and grilling. His face always held a great big smile that stretched from ear to ear, while he was in the kitchen. The food was so good just as we were finishing up, mom's phone started ringing again. She said it was another telemarketing call, Two telemarketing calls within an hour just doesn't seem right. Is she hiding something from me? Mom never ever got telemarketing calls she would just silence them she would block the numbers immediately after they called too. My mom would never lie to me. She usually tells me everything we are like best friends. We always told each other everything or so I thought. Mom paid the bill and thanked the waiter for the great service that she provided, mom left a generous tip for her too. Mom and I got up and started to walk out to the door, then she quickly said “here take the keys and go get in the car and i'll be there in a few minutes, I have to use the restroom.”

I walked out the door with the keys swinging in my hand, clicked the unlock button and got in and started the car. Mom came out five minutes later and we drove to Grandma Silversteins. It was around 5:30 pm when we turned onto Grandma's road. We pulled down her long and spiraling driveway and mom put the car in park and we both got out and walked up to Grandma's door. She was standing at the door holding it open and welcoming us in with one of her famous warm hugs. Grandma told us to take our coats and shoes off and to stay a while. When you walked into grandma's living room she almost always had a puzzle sitting on her table. The puzzle always was at least a 1,000 piece puzzle. This puzzle in particular was a picture of a zebra and an elephant side by side. Grandma Silverstein's house always had many pictures arranged of all of her grandkids. She always had candy bars hidden from Papa as well. It was something all the grandkids looked forward to. After Grandma gave us a hug I wandered my way through the house and into the living room where the puzzles were always sitting. Grandma had finished quite a bit of the puzzle. I tried to help connect a few pieces but I wasn't much help after all. We stayed and talked to Grandma for an hour then we decided to head for home. On the way home mom's phone rang again at this point. If she is hiding something, turn the ringer off at least. She said “oh it's just another telemarketing call” 

Once we made it home, We grabbed our leftovers out of the car and walked into the house. I decided I was going to jump in the shower before mom did. I gathered my clothes in a small pile. I placed them on the counter as I began turning the shower faucet, letting it get warm while I closed the creaky door behind me. I drowned my thoughts away with the hum of the shower fan and the constant splashes of little droplets of water.I let the water run today, sort of just stood there and let the water run down my back and swirl down the drain. I knew today I could get away with taking a longer shower, usually mom would come in and yell at me to hurry up and get out of the shower. I took about thirty minutes today, got out of the shower got dressed then made my way to my room. Mom said she was going to get in the shower and said she wouldn't be long. I said “Ok mom.” 

Mom was only in the shower for about five minutes then her phone rang. I ran to go and get it , but I was not quick enough. I unlocked her phone so I could see who she missed the call from. It was a guy named Anthony, whose name Anthony I asked myself. Then I looked at the call log and saw that there was no such thing as any telemarketing calls in her log. It was all Anthony. So now it's time I investigate, knowing that it was none of my business, I still proceeded to go to her text messages. I wanted to see if Anthony had texted her anything to see if it could somehow clue me in on who in the hell is texting and calling my mother all the time, especially on this tragic date. His full name is Anthony Malidre and he has been sending my mom hearts and they've been exchanging “I love you’s”. In the distance I hear the water turn off from the shower. I try to slowly set her phone down without panicking and making a lot of noise. I did that the best I could, and then tried to play it off like I wasn't just in her room digging my nose into her business. I made it back to my room just as she opened the door to come out of the bathroom. I shut my door and sat down on my bed, I opened facebook and searched “Anthony Malidre”. Clicked on the first one that popped up and it was him for sure without a doubt. Only reason I knew that is because his profile picture was a picture of him and my mom. I scrolled down and Anthony posted that he is in a relationship with Charity White. I started to wonder why my mom wouldn't tell me something as big and important as this. She's dating someone else that is not my father and for sure doesnt even look like my father at all. 

Mom knocked on my door and I said “Come in.”

She said in a low tone “Honey I'm going to bed, I love you so much and I had a great day celebrating dad's life with you and I enjoyed going to Grandma Silversteins too.” 

“Yeah Mom I had a great time today too. Love you.” I said as I stood up to give her a hug. As I hugged her I started sobbing. “Mom?” I mumbled. “Who is Anthony?” 

Her face turned super red and she started to show a frightened face. “Anthony is just a friend of mine, Ivy.”

“Well then how come you have never told me about him?” I asked. 

He's just a new friend, he hasn't really come up at all, not really a reason to talk about him.” Mom replied. Then she asked me “How do you know who Anthony is Ivy?” 

I began to tell her “Well your phone rang while you were in the shower, so i tried to go and answer it for you but I wasn't able to get there quick enough. Then I unlocked your phone to see who you missed a call from.”

She said “Oh ok well i'm going to bed now, Love you.”

“Love you too” I said back to her as she was exiting my bedroom. 

Did she really just lie to me, did she really just tell me they are just friends? I started to think and then once I started to think I just couldn't stop my mind from  wandering. Does mom not love or miss dad any more? Is mom going to make me call Anthony my dad? I glanced over at the clock and it just hit 9:45pm. I have school tomorrow so I should probably start trying to go to bed. 

Chapter Two: Cotton Candy 

I woke up at six in the morning to get ready for school. Last night I slept terribly. I tossed and turned all night thinking about how mom lied straight to my face and still hasn't come clean to me about it. I am not happy with her and I am still very upset with her. I rolled out of bed and went to tell mom that I was already up and she wasn't even home. I walked over to the door and looked through the window. Her car was gone too, now this is odd. Mom never leaves without telling me she's leaving. Then I began to think, maybe she did tell me I just wasn't awake enough to register that she told me she was leaving. I made my way to the calendar hanging on the refrigerator and looked to see if there were any events she had to attend today and there weren't any. I tried to call mom but she didn't answer, this wasn't surprising though she doesn't always answer when I call her though. I left her a message and said “Hi I don't know where you went but I'm up for school and getting ready to walk out the door to wait for the bus, Call me back.” 

Today when I got on the bus I walked all the way to the back. Today was different, I didn't want to feel the breeze slide over my face, I wanted to sit there in the solid thick air. The bus started to fill up with all the loud kids, everyone of the stoners got on the bus and they all came to the very back and looked at me like dude you're in my spot. I just ignored them and sat there with my face squished against the cold window. Moments later my phone vibrated and it was mom. She sent me a text saying that she got called into work. A few minutes later it started to smell good, like a lot of sweets like all the candy i could imagine. So I peaked my head around the corner of the seat and saw them holding the black hard plastic piece. I asked them “Hey what's that smell?” 

“What smell? I don't smell anything.” they replied.

“No seriously, what's that smell? Can I try it please? I had a really rough night.” I urged them to let me try it. Finally after five minutes they gave in. They passed it under the seat, I was hesitant to do it but I decided, you know what the hell. If mom's going to keep secrets from me I can keep secrets from her too. I put the hard piece of plastic in my mouth and started to suck. The air that hit the back of my throat was so crisp and sweet it stung a little bit but I liked it. I came close to coughing, but my lungs adjusted easily. The flavor. Wow. I can see why people get so addicted to these things. They come in many different flavors too. I took a couple more hits from the hard black plastic thing and handed it back to them under the seat and said “Thank you.” 

The bus pulled into Wilton Highschool, and today the bus driver ran over the curb. It was so funny I could not stop laughing. When the bus came to a complete stop I grabbed my backpack and tried to stand up. I fell over, I whispered to the people in front of me that gave me the cotton candied plastic thing and asked them “Hey will you help me stand up? And one more thing, how long is this feeling going to last?”

They helped me up then hesitated to ask me “Well how many hits did you take?”

“Uhm about three, maybe four.” I whispered back to them. 

“Damn Ivy, The most I've ever hit is twice and when I hit it two times it lasts the whole school day.” said Milo. 

Youve got to be kidding me, I said to myself. “You guys should have given me a little bit of a warning that would have been helpful.”

“Sorry Ivy I thought you knew.” Milo said laughing. 

I threw my back pack over my shoulder and then tried to take my first step. Almost fell over but Milo caught me before I fell straight on to my face. Milo helped me look somewhat normal while walking into school. He put his arms around me and helped me balance myself.  But I was on my own for walking down the bus steps. My feet felt like they were twenty pound cylinder blocks, and no matter how hard I stepped they wouldn't shatter to make my feet feel lighter. When i looked at Milo his face was massive the size of a beach ball and super round like an oval. The more I looked at him the harder I laughed. He looked at me in a serious voice and said “Ivy you need to calm down and act normal. You can get in alot of trouble if you get caught for doing this type of thing at school.”

I tried to straighten up my act more. Luckily, Milo was in my first hour class, English with Mr. Garfield. The teacher that made you silently write for the first twenty minutes of class and then silently read for the next twenty minutes. Then usually he would put on a movie for us to watch for the last twenty minutes of class. It was a pretty chill class. I walked into the class with Milo right by my side. He was kind enough to go and get me a chair so that I didn't have to stumble over and get one. I took a nap that whole hour and I felt pretty good after that. Second hour came around though and Milo had to leave me to go to his other classes. The teacher looked at me and sent me to the office. I later found out that my skin was tinted green and I just stumbled all over the place. The teacher had a fellow classmate escort me down to the office. Once I got down to the office I was stumbling and I couldn't talk. The people in the office rushed over to me and asked “What are you on? Did you take something? You aren't in any trouble if you tell us.” 

I had to be escorted down to the office and taken by an ambulance to the hospital. I saw a whole bunch of pretty colors and cartoon characters while I was in the ambulance. It was 8:30am when I was shipped off in the ambulance and I only remember bits and pieces of the day. I woke up in a hospital bed with my mom sitting next to me staring down at me with a sad look in her eyes. She was very disappointed in me, she looked at me and walked away. I couldn't even say anything to her before she left the room. I was still taking in my scenery when the nurses and everyone else rushed into the hospital room. They forced my eyeballs open and shined a flashlight in them. They asked me how I was feeling and if I knew my name and where I was. 

I answered nervously “My name is Ivy Elaine Silverstein and I know I'm in a hospital, but I'm feeling confused.” 

“Yes Ivy you are in a hospital and you are because you got high and what you did could've killed you. You are very lucky to be here with us right now.” The blonde haired nurse said to me.  

“Where's my mom?” I asked. 

“I don't know but I will go and find her for you.” Said the blonde. 

I could hear the nurse yelling “is there a Charity Silverstein out here?” 

No one responded though so no one knew where my mom was. This is just lovely. I wish dad was here at least he would be able to look at me instead of just running out on me. 

A few hours later mom wandered into the hospital room and again just stared at me. Her face was blank of emotions. It was midnight when  she came back in and finally sat down. “Where were you?” I asked quietly. 

“I was out.” mom snarked back at me. 

“Out where? With Anthony?” I asked without making eye contact with her. 

“Yeah actually I was with Anthony all day actually.” she said smiling.  

“Do you even care that I'm in the hospital right now? Do you know why I'm here? Also why would you lie to me about who Anthony is? Why wouldn't you just tell me that he was your boyfriend?” I said in a super serious tone. 

“I'm sorry Ivy. I really am. I just wanted to make sure I actually liked him before I introduced him to you. I knew this was gonna be hard on you.” mom said. 

The next morning came and before I could leave I had to talk to a  counselor. They asked me if anything had recently changed in my household and of course I said yes. I felt like the counselor really knew me and liked talking to me. I felt like he understood where I was coming from and he always told me straight up, never only the half truth. Always the whole truth. 

Once I got the ok to leave mom took me home and guess who was waiting there for me. Someone I could finally meet with mom's Boyfriend. Anthony Malidre.