A Nerd's First Love- Part One | Teen Ink

A Nerd's First Love- Part One

June 1, 2009
By americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments

I see her in the hallways…a ghost, a single face in a huge crowd.
Her eyes are like the sky…her hair like a drop of honey…sweet and long.

One day I stopped her. She looked up at me confused and then just as quickly looked down.

“What’s your name?” I asked

“None of your business.” she muttered. I could tell she was annoyed.

“If you have to know its Alice.’’ She said slowly. “Why?”

“Oh nothing…you seemed nice.” I stuttered, feeling like an idiot.

“Right.” She replied. “, maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Oh sure!” I blurted.

“Cool.” She smiled. She walked away, her ponytail bouncing.

Okay so I know I should just give up on her but I can’t! She’s a cheerleader and I’m a nerd. What chance do I have? Especially when it comes to John Riddle. He throws me in lockers, knocks my books down, and does other stuff. The guys a jerk! Honestly, I don’t know what the girls like about him.

“Hey man! Are you in there?” my friend’s shrill voice said in my ear.

“What?!” I screamed.

“Oh… sorry...” I whispered.

“So you were talking to Alice huh?” Arnab asked.

“Yup. She is an angel.” I drooled.

“That’s great…well John has his eyes on her.

It was like the world had shattered into a million pieces. I fell to the floor and broke into tears. When people started looking at me weird I stopped.

“I don’t care what that-’’ I started.

Suddenly a huge shaped loomed over me. I knew it was John.

“What did you say punk?” he sneered.
“I’m tired of you.” I smiled back and punched him in the nose, and knocked the wind out of him.

A small crowd had started to form around us.

“FIGHT! FIGHT!” the bloodthirsty crowd screamed.

I hit John again.

That was my mistake.

He roared madly and I sprinted down the hall.

John was getting closer…

And suddenly the world was upside down and whiteness seemed to engulf me.

And Alice was screaming my name.

The author's comments:
I know this wasn't the best. It was my first try at this site. Do you guys want a sequel? Comment to let me know!

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This article has 15 comments.

Sayuri97 GOLD said...
on Aug. 7 2011 at 11:05 am
Sayuri97 GOLD, Gilford, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 49 comments
Great! I would maybe slow it down just a tiny bit, tell the setting a tiny bit more and maybe more of both Alice's and the Nerd's actions when they're talking to each other. Of course, only if you feel its suiting. Good luck!

TuffGurl said...
on Jul. 8 2010 at 6:52 am
this is good, but you need to work on your grammar. When your character says something, and you have how they said it after like "she said" or "she mumbled" you need to have a comma after what the character said. Ex: "I really like that shirt," Alice said quietly. 

on May. 23 2010 at 7:08 pm
americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments
Actually, I am working on turning it into a book and getting it published. I am working on The third and final part right now and its going to be better than the first too...

babby-M BRONZE said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 8:07 pm
babby-M BRONZE, Bakersfield, California
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about weither you win or lose it is simple how you play the game!

Please please make more these are wonderful I loved the 1&2 one you could write a book ir something

melone96 said...
on Jan. 29 2010 at 8:26 pm
melone96, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 31 comments
pretty good piece...i like the cliff hanger at the end...like the others are saying if u touch it up make it more detailed and grammatically correct this story could really be something! keep up the good work and never give up!

on Jan. 17 2010 at 8:30 pm
Arcaeynn SILVER, Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only thing we're allowed to do is hope that we won't regret the decision we made."

Hey Ray, it's YY. Finally found your work. Keep writing! You might have potential. Can't wait for the rest.

on Jan. 6 2010 at 7:13 pm
NicklePickle BRONZE, Providence, Rhode Island
1 article 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People who think they're perfect just annoy people who really are perfect." -Not sure who wrote this

Hey this seems like a good start to this.

on Dec. 22 2009 at 8:18 pm
nature-elf PLATINUM, Ramsey, New Jersey
42 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If love is shelter, I'll walk in the rain." -Anonymous

A few grammar mistakes, but definitely a story to continue writing. A little more detail, but it's a winner.

on Oct. 21 2009 at 7:11 pm
writingrox BRONZE, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (Albus Dumbledore)

Nice job. I'm just glad I finally found your work. Keep writing, Ray!

on Aug. 3 2009 at 4:33 am
TheUnknownGuest GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
14 articles 4 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't remember it clearly, but it went something like this:

"The past is the past, the future is the furture. But now, now is like a gift, which is why it is called present."

wow! I'm impressed! You have got to write more!! Big fan! :)

on Jul. 9 2009 at 2:49 pm
americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments
Thanks Guys! YOU Rule. To see more work click on MORE BY This Contributor.

YOU Guys are BFFS!

on Jul. 4 2009 at 7:32 pm
Anna Kerstetter BRONZE, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
Hey! its anna! that story was really enjoyable. i can relate to how someone would feel in a situation like that, but would a nerd have the guts to punch a cool dude? Just a little feedback. But other than that, i can really feel the story! Great work!

Lisa B said...
on Jul. 4 2009 at 6:02 pm
Ray I'm so impressed, I had no idea you had such a talent for writing. The descriptive language is wonderful, the story content is something most of us can relate to- popular kids vs the "nerds". Your story is enticing and leaves the reader wanting to know what happens next. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

on Jul. 3 2009 at 11:12 pm
americanteen97 SILVER, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 79 comments
Yeah. You Rule.

pinkypig545 said...
on Jul. 2 2009 at 2:56 pm
hey ray its me Amanda C. I think you did wonderful on this story. i could see the story in my mind. Good descriptive language. great job!:)