Look up, the Summer night sky is the light and she lives in that light.

My friend and I* went for a drink last night. My friend was wealthy, drove a luxury car, made a lot of money every day, and was surrounded by titles, but after getting drunk, he squatted under a small tree by the road and cried like an idiot.

He cried and said that he missed his mom and I wanted to pull him away, but he held the tree tightly and wouldn’t let go; he kept mumbling to himself: “When I was a child, I pestered my mom to buy toys. A toy pistol that costed three yuan*. My mother didn't have that much money, so she coaxed me to buy it again next time. I didn’t listen and cried loudly until she had no choice but to pay for the toy.

I jumped happily in front of my mom and played with the toy pistol, but I never thought that those three bucks were the only money she had to buy some vegetable seeds for my family.

After my dad got back to our home, he asked my mom why she didn't buy the seeds. My mom said that she accidentally lost the money, and my dad hit my mom to the ground.

She was crying.

The next day, I saw my mother's forehead was bruised and asked what happened to my mother. My mother hugged me and smiled and said, ‘It's okay my son, I hit my forehead on a door by accident.’

My dad likes to hit people when he's drunk.

Every time I see my dad get drunk, my mom would carry me to the bedroom and lock the door. Every time I would hear my dad rumbling and keep hitting and kicking the door. It became a lingering nightmare during my childhood.

I swore to God to study and work hard for my mom, just to take her out of this home. Just for her and for me. Just for this once.

My mother is illiterate and not good looking at all, but she is the best mother in my mind. At that time, everybody else had a TV to watch, and our family could not afford it, so my mother would always accompany me to go under the stars in the night time and tell me some stories.

My mother likes to make me happy. In summer, my mother would use a bamboo fan to drive the mosquitoes away from me. I asked: ‘Why does everyone else have a TV to watch but us?’

My mother said: ‘Television is nothing special, we don't have TV, but the whole universe is ours.’

When I looked up, the stars were blinking at us.

When I was in junior high school, I went to town to study. Because our family couldn’t afford a car, my mother would walk to the town with me from 5:00 to 7:30 in the morning, every single day. She never lets me walk alone.

In the winter, when it was cold and dark, my mother held me tightly, and I asked, ‘Mom, are you scared?’

Mom helped me put on a hat and said with a smile: ‘Don't be afraid, Mom is going on an adventure with you.’

When I was in the second year of high school, my dad owed a lot of debt. The people pointed their fingers at my mom, but my dad ran away and was nowhere to be seen nowhere.

The men just asked where my dad was. But several women pulled my mom’s hair and slapped her face violently. I was extremely angry and rushed out to protect my mother with a knife. I trembled and said, ‘Don't be hard on my mother. If you want money, go to my father. It has nothing to do with my mother.’

A fat woman said: ‘There is no reason for your family to own money!’ She finished her sentence and grabbed my mom’s clothes again. I roared and attacked her with the knife, the woman screamed and her arm was slashed. She was so frightened that her face was pale, I guess that she didn’t expect a child would attack her with a knife. After that, several men grabbed my knife by force and left with some of our furniture since they can cost money too.

After they left, the room was empty, the beds we slept in had been moved, my mother and I sat on the floor, tears welled up in my eyes.

My mother wiped my tears, patted my face and said with a smile: ‘Son, don't be afraid, there is still me by your side.’

When I was in desperate times, it was my mother who gave me courage.

During the summer vacation, my mother went everywhere to pick up garbage and sell them, and I went fishing for lobster with a bamboo pole.

At that time, lobsters were everywhere, and I could catch more than ten pounds within one afternoon. If I couldn’t eat them, I would sell them for money. Every time I brought a basket of lobsters home, my mother would be very proud and praised me for being so amazing. That summer, my mother and I both gained weight. Sometimes I went to the grocery store to buy ice cream to eat. I took out the ice cream and asked my mother to take a bite. She said she would not eat it, but I fed it to her mouth. ​​She just took a bite and frowned and said it was not good, then she asked me to eat it by myself. She smiled at me when I was done with the ice cream.

When I was in high school, my family couldn't afford the tuition, so my mother went to her parents' house to borrow some money from my uncle and my aunt. I don't know how hard the process was, but every time my mother managed to get the tuition together.

When school started, my mother would help me wrap my book covers. She said, ‘Son, don't worry about the tuition fees. If you are short on money, just tell me.’

My grades were good. I have always been in the top ten students in my grade. I gained a lot of awards, and those awards are pasted on the wall by my mom. This is my mother's greatest wealth. Whenever there are guests at home, my mother will show the awards to the guests. She is always proud when this happens.

Every time I go home for vacation, my mother would wait for me at the entrance of the village and cook food for me when I go back. She never lets me take care of the housework. Once I swept the floor, my mother said, ‘Son, you don't need to do the housework, there is your mother.’ I answered, ‘I don’t have anything to do anyway, I’m glad to help you.’ 

She replied: ‘If you have nothing to do, just rest and read books. I can’t make you suffer more.’ In fact, for me, it’s okay to endure some hardships, my mom was too tired— she had a lot of crops to take care of, and she has to find jobs outside of the village.

When I was a sophomore, my dad came back suddenly. Seeing that my mom and I were doing okay and we didn’t starve to death, he asked my mom for money. My mom said that there was no money for him, and the money was reserved for me to go to college.

My dad punched my mom again, and my mom didn't give him a single penny no matter how hard he hit. I wasn’t home at that time, when I came back I saw my mom’s swollen cheeks. I swore to make my dad pay for it.

A week later, I had a fight with my dad in front of the whole village. My dad was already old. I knocked him to the ground easily. People accused me of attacking my own dad, but I wasn’t moved at all and said coldly to the bastard on the ground: ‘If you dare to touch my mom again, I would kill you, I do what I say.’

Later, the police came to settle the situation. My father and my mother finally divorced. At that time, I only felt a sense of relief. I didn’t have a good father, but I had the best mother. I want to lead my mother to live a good life. I worked hard to prepare for the college entrance examination, and finally went to a good university and chose a good job. Every Friday my mother would walk for two hours just to give me a five-minute phone call. My mother always says that she is living well and tells me not to worry.

One winter, my mom fell because of the heavy snow, but she still insisted on walking to the phone booth to call me. It was because of that time, my mother's right leg broke, and after that, she limped whenever she walked.

On the phone, she talked to me happily and said she brought a TV, we can watch TV after I get back home. I can’t even hear the pain in her voice over the phone, maybe I’m just too slow.

After graduation, I started working and went to Guangzhou*, which is thousands of miles away from home, just because the salary there will be higher. I gave my mom the money I earned every month. Because of the harsh job that I had, I had no time to and had no mood to find a girlfriend.

My mom was not healthy anymore, she had sickness and illness all over her body, but she never told me. I bought her a phone, and everytime she called me, she told me to find a girl to marry. I said that I don’t want to marry, I want to buy a new house for her in the city. 

She answered with: ‘Nonsense! You don’t have to buy me a house! Quickly, go find a girl and be married. I want a grandchild.’

I didn’t know why my mother was so anxious about wanting me to get married. I only learned a few months later that my mom was diagnosed with liver cancer.

One night I was drinking with a client, my mother called me, her voice was very low, she asked me what I was doing, and I said I’m with a client. She asked me to find a good girl so she could be reassured. I laughed and asked her why she became this anxious, she was not like this before.

My mother said softly: ‘I am afraid that no one will take care of you in the future. You should pay more attention to your body in the future and learn to take care of yourself.’

I had a bad feeling in my heart: ‘What? What’s wrong with you? Is there something wrong?’

My mother laughed twice over the phone, which made me a little relaxed. She said, ‘It's okay, stop drinking and go to bed early, ok? By the way, you have suffered so much with your mother since you were a child, do you regret it?’

I answered: ‘No. I only regret that I couldn’t make your life better.’

She replied: ‘Don’t make yourself too tired. Always remember that your mother is proud of you.’

I never imagined that this was the last time my mother spoke to me. Three days later, a call from my hometown called. After I answered the call, I fell to the ground, collapsed in front of all my colleagues, and went back to the village as fast as I could.

When my mother died, she was skinny and didn’t have a single strand of black hair on her head.

All was white.

I slapped myself.

The last sentence she spoke to me was: ‘Your mother is proud of you.’

Now that I have money, a house, a car, and my own company, if I have a choice, I would give away all my wealth with no hesitation just to let my mother live one more day.

I would hug her and say this with a smile: ‘Mom, you are the best mother in the whole world. I should be proud of you.’

Unfortunately, this can never be possible. This can only live in my imagination.

My friend was probably not drunk anymore. He staggered and stood up and wiped away his tears.

I said: “Are you alright? Let me take you back, okay?”

He laughed silently and said: “It’s okay. I’ve said so many things to you, aren’t you annoyed?”

I shook my head, he looked up at the sky, and then said with an elated expression: “Look up, the whole universe is mine.”

The stars were blinking, and at that moment, he was calm, but my eyes were hot.

*Yuan: Currency in China, 7 dollars equals approximately one yuan.

*Guangzhou: City in China.

** The story takes place in the 80s-90s China.