The day you decided you’d had enough of me it was raining. In my strange mind it felt like the sky was crying for me, for us. You always said rainy days were the worst: that they trap you inside to watch mindless t.v. I love the rain. It smells good. It makes mud. It makes rainbows. It’s like the whole earth is taking a shower. Whenever I told you that you’d roll you eyes and scoff like I was the silliest creature in the universe. I never told you but I enjoyed that reaction because it meant I could be silly and you’d still love me. Then again maybe you never did love me. You never bothered to proclaim such a feeling: our 6 (in my opinion) beautiful and fun months together be damned. I’d try to get you to play outside with me. “We’ll get a cold” you’d whine. Those were always your worst days. I still wonder if it hadn’t been raining that day maybe you’d have the patience to still be with me. Sometimes now I resent the rain. Thanks for ruining my favorite weather.
Today its raining. I’m stuck inside. For the millionth time I’ll lay across my bed and listen to one of my million C.D.’s a couple more times. You know what I’m staring at. Our painting glares at me from my ceiling.
Do you remember the day we painted it. It was another rainy afternoon in my room. Stretched across my bed, you complained, “Ceilings are boring”, looking at my empty white one. Getting up from my desk I crossed the room and curled up with you, replying “Wanna do something about it.”
By the end of that night my ceiling was covered in weird platters of paint in a variety in only the brightest of colors; always there to remind me of our good times.
Although it can be torture, it remains there as it always will. There is no way I will ever paint over it. I can get rid of all your pictures, delete your number from my phone, completely cut any part of anything to do with you out of my life ,but I will never get rid of that one constant reminder on my ceiling. I know I need to move on but I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I don’t want to forget you.