I knew something had changed when I walked into the cafeteria and I saw Kaiel sitting next to Caryn. That wouldn’t be highly unusual except for the fact that they were sitting much closer than usual. I approached the table with a sense of dread. I’d known this would eventually happen, suspected the possibilities, but seeing it with my own eyes… it was almost too much.

“What’s going on here?” I inquired, pretending that I didn’t already know, pretending that I couldn’t see what was happening with my own two eyes, pretending to be clueless to everything. Lying was a habit. It had become easy now- too easy. I wasn’t quite sure that I liked it.

“’Lex, just the person I wanted to see.” Kaiel was grinning so hard that I thought that he had been possessed for a moment. But he continued on in that way-too-happy voice. “I’ve officially asked Caryn out.”

“About time,” Caryn joked.

“Hey, timing is everything. And besides, true love waits.”

Caryn giggled. “You’re the sweetest, Kai.”

“I know.”

The scene made me absolutely sick. These were two of my friends here. Well, I wasn’t so sure if they really were here in this crowded cafeteria- more like off in outer space or in their own little world. But who am I to judge?

“Well, then I congratulate you both,” I smoothly lied again without an ounce of guilt. This just got easier and easier. I wasn’t quite sure that I liked it…

“Thanks, ‘Lex.” It looked like Kai was having the time of his life. Yeah, I was glad for him, but at the same time, I selfishly wondered what would happen to me. Self-centered- that’s all I am- self-centered. It really made me sick, sicker than seeing two of my friends in a relationship, already holding hands discreetly beneath the lunch table, sicker than Jane’s bi-polar personality, sicker than my entire past put together. It just absolutely sickened me.

I tugged at a few strands of bleached blond hair, accidentally pulling out a few hairs in my frustration. I let them go, watched them float to the floor and wondered why my worries couldn’t disappear the same way.

“Yeah,” I weakly replied, trying to eat now. He wasn’t looking at me. “Yeah…” I trailed off. Yeah…