Day after day I would pull the curtain back from the window and watch the rain fall, watch it slide down my window pane. I would watch the sheep dog run around the backyard. I would wait till my parents dozed off into a light sleep. Then I would sneak out the front door. I had no cell phone, no walkie talkie, no way for anyone to contact me. I would walk aimlessly in one direction without a destination. I would walk through the rain, with no jacket. I would get soaked, I would freeze, but I never stopped walking. I liked the way the rain felt falling on my head, sliding down my cheek, almost like crying. I wished I could, but I needed to be strong, the rain was as close as I got to the tears that never came. I'm not sure how, but I would always end up in the same location. It was like I knew the way by heart and without conscious thought my legs would carry me there. I always ended up in the forest, following the path. A ways past the trail and into the forest was a stream. I would always find myself there watching the river flow, watching the fish swim, and the rain fall into it, raising it higher. The rain would create little circles that got bigger and fainter. I knew why I went there, but I would never admit it to myself. I went there because it reminded me of him. We would always wander together and one day we found this trail. We wandered off despite our better judgment and found ourselves there, beside the stream. That became our spot. We always went on rainy days when our parents weren't home. It was our hideout. It gave us an adventure. At first our parents got mad at us for sneaking off, but we did it so regularly even with the yelling and punishments they gave, so they stopped complaining. They would always say, "Be back by dinner and stay together." We had the best memories there, where the stream ran. It was our favorite place. The one place where he was just himself. No masks, just him and just me. We were who we truly were there. I think that was my favorite part, seeing him let go, be free. I wished he was there with me, but he was gone. He'd left. He'd left me alone in this world, utterly and completely alone. He had been my only friend; we were so close he was like my twin. I wished he had stayed, but I knew he couldn't. He left for me. His last words to me were, "I'm leaving so that you may be independent. I'm leaving because you need to learn to live without me. I have faith in you. You can and will do this. One day I will find you again and we will be reunited, my twin. But for now this must be. I love you like the sister you will always be to me." I’m still waiting but as he had faith in me to live independently I have faith that he will return…someday.