Cherry Lollipop | Teen Ink

Cherry Lollipop

December 17, 2009
By liltrinhle SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
liltrinhle SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
8 articles 6 photos 37 comments

I walk back and forth on Main Street for the forty seventh time today. I haven’t eaten anything today. My body is shaking and I could barely speak. People are passing by without noticing me at all. Actually the see me, but they just choose not to care. It was getting darker, my hands are shaking, my poster is falling apart and my pocket is empty. A little girl walked by. She smiles at me warmly holding her mother’s hand that is too busy looking at Christmas trees. She reached inside her pocket, pulled out a cherry lollipop and muttered “Merry Christmas”. I will never forget the kindness she gave me. Not only it was the only Christmas gift I’ve ever received in my five years of being homeless, but it was also the sweetest cherry lollipop I’ve ever tasted.

The author's comments:
This is a short story I entered for a short story contest. It has to be 140 or less words so I was really really limited on things I wanted to include... but I hope you like it!

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This article has 7 comments.

on Sep. 4 2011 at 8:01 pm
Bookworm1998 GOLD, Brampton, Other
17 articles 2 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
Preserve your memories, keep them well; what you forget, you can never retell.

this is great! your work is so nice to read!

on Aug. 28 2011 at 6:43 pm
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

Ditto! That was a beautiful short story!!! Great Job!!!:):):);)

Aidyl BRONZE said...
on Sep. 10 2010 at 8:55 pm
Aidyl BRONZE, Oshawa, Other
4 articles 0 photos 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you want a friend be a friend."


"That's cool. Hey you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed!"
-Dwight Schrute The Office

I thought this was a sweet story, but your tenses are mixed up. Like how you say, "I walk back and forth..." Which is present tense, and then, "I could barely speak..." Which is past tense. It interrupted the flow of the story and was a little confusing.

on Jul. 28 2010 at 10:24 pm
WritingLoverForever PLATINUM, Bowling Green, Ohio
32 articles 2 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not about success; it's about significance.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Aw, this is really sweet. The sentences flow so seamlessly it almost sounds like it was no trouble for you to write a short story with a limited amount of words to use. I'm not sure if I'd have such an easy time with that. Great job. :)

on Jul. 28 2010 at 6:19 pm
Lover_that_Hates DIAMOND, Reynolds, Georgia
76 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
"She was fascinated with words. To her words were things of beauty, each like a magical powder or potion that could be combinded with other words to create powerful spells." From: Lighting(By: Dean Koontz)

I cant write short stories either! I don't know what it is, I guess they're just not in my hard-wiring. But I really admire people who can write short stories. This one is very good! Considering what a limit you had I am very very impressed!

on May. 1 2010 at 12:06 pm
kate-the-shrew BRONZE, McCall, Idaho
3 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.----Will Rogers

I personally CANNOT write short stories. It doesn't work for me. But you did a really great job on this. It's really sweet and I felt really bad for the homeless person. My heart ached and I wished I could help. And when the little girl gave the lollipop, I smiled sadly because little people are often the ones that matter. They take the time to notice and make a difference in lives even though they don't know they are. As you grow older, you lose that generosity and grow selfish, looking out for number one. I want to stay a chid forever.

on Feb. 24 2010 at 10:07 am
PoetLaureate07 PLATINUM, Aberdeen, Mississippi
32 articles 0 photos 246 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing..

This is really sweet!!! Good job on the limited description... You also done a good job on the characters... WONDERFUL JOB!!! i reckon that sums it up... =)