The Kidnapping | Teen Ink

The Kidnapping

October 12, 2010
By fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don't know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! <3


One day I was just looking out my bedroom window, when I feel a cold, wet glove over my mouth. So out of reaction, I start screaming. But know one can here me. I look up, and I see a mask, with just slits for the mouth, nose and eyes. So he says “ shhhh, be quite you screaming baby, BE QUITE!!!!!” He pulls out a gun, that is when I shut up. He pulls me up, with one arm and he kicks me and tells me to walk. So I do, “ walk faster!” So I do, it is dark, and my parents are out shopping, so I was just home alone, looking out onto the water. He takes me out to his black volvo, and tells me to get in the back. So I do. He drives really fast, fastest i've ever been driven. He looks up at me, that is then, right then, I recognize those eyes. I have seen them before, I just dont know were. So I ask him to take off his mask, but he refuses. I just ignore it. I ask him where we are going, but he doesn't respond. We keep on driving, and driving and driving. I look out the window, and it is dark, really dark. I think about my parents, they are probably freaking out about where I am. I look at the clock, it says 11:43 pm. Suddenly I hear that voice again, he is asking me what my name is, “ Xavier” I say, “ How old are you Xavier?” I respond and say I am 17 when I am really only 15. He seems to buy it. Few. So again, I ask were we are going, this time he responds. “ Right now, we are going to a hotel, just because I need to get some sleep. The hotel that we are going to is not a normal, it is my hotel, I own it. The beds notice when you get up in the night and they start a big alarm, so they would wake me up. That way, you can't go anywhere.” Well thats wonderful, I can't escape.

So finally we arrive at the hotel, but it is in NO way look like a hotel. This hotel only has one room, it is so small I think only 4 or 5 people could fit in it. Max. Once we get to the one room, he tells me to get into the bed, and go to sleep. I look at him and say “ I'm not tired” he looks me and pulls out his gun and says “ you mean you are tired, right?” As he says that he, slowly moves closer and closer, so by the time he finishes, the gun is pressed up the side of my head, just above my ear. So clearly I say, No, I am still not tired. Then I hear him pull his gun back, and asks me one more time, if I was tired, and once again, I replyed with a clear “NO”. I don't know why I answered that, but I guess I just wanted to die. So he carefully places his finger on the trigger and counts down, 5, 4, 3, “ are you ready to die?” I don't respond. 2,1, I cringe my eyes . 0!


The author's comments:
This piece here, is another one of my suspense pieces. Hope you enjoy it!!!

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This article has 11 comments.


on Feb. 5 2012 at 8:41 am
babyrex4 SILVER, Buffalo, New York
5 articles 6 photos 191 comments

Favorite Quote:
\&quot;You may only be someone in the world, but to someone else, you may be the world.\&quot;<br /> <br /> Author Unknown

Hey I think this can potentially be a great story. It really lacks description and thought though, as it was really short. There were also a lot of spelling and grammar errors, but those can be fixed along with the descriptions. This is more like the plot of your story, because it is straight to the point. But, if you fix the things I mentioned above, this little story could be above the top! I really like the whole idea of it.

on Jun. 1 2011 at 3:01 pm
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
87 articles 108 photos 966 comments

Favorite Quote:
All gave some, some gave all. -War Veterans headstone.

It felt rushed, I think you should have put in more detail and the part about recognizing his eyes seemed a little weird because nothing ever happened around that part.  The grammer mistakes made it seem a little amteur-ish.  Its a good story theme, though.

 


on Oct. 22 2010 at 11:54 am
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don&#039;t know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! &lt;3

OK GUYS!! Here it is, " the sequel to the kidnapping" is now published!!! If u want 2 read it u can! kk thts it!

on Oct. 18 2010 at 1:02 pm
CrazyKid56 BRONZE, Fredericksburg, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Good story and suspenseful..it keeps you wondering what'll happen next. Keep writing!

on Oct. 17 2010 at 2:06 pm
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don&#039;t know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! &lt;3

Hey everyone!!! I just posted the sequel to this story!!! It is pending aproval right now! Hope you guys read it!!!! I think you will be surprised by the ending! Well ok i got to go! So please read my stuff!!!

luvtaylor16 said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 7:52 am
Hey thanks, I do like this peice, also. Do you think you can point out the places where I had puncuation issues. You dont need 2 reply on Teenink, but you can e-mail me at skatekate@maine.rr.com. One thing that I thought was ironic was that both of our names are katie. lol, Good thing that you don't think that he died, and just for you, I will write a sequal to this story. OK if you would like to email me the stuff that you found wrong, feel free to. Thanks again! -Katie

Katie1234 GOLD said...
on Oct. 16 2010 at 11:46 pm
Katie1234 GOLD, Velva, North Dakota
10 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When life becomes more than you can stand; fall to your knees&quot;<br /> &quot;To be normal is to be boring.&quot;<br /> &quot;You cannot make men good by law.&quot; <br /> &quot;Christians believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God because He said so.&quot;<br /> &quot;To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.&quot;

I love the piece! It was very well written, however I think you could work on punctuation and spelling a little bit. There were a couple of parts that had me a little confused. I had to go back and check punctuation. Other than that I love it, and I think you could actually write a little sequel type thing to this. It was a total cliff hanger, and you really did have to form your own opinion on how it ended.

I don't think he died. And I would love to see where your thoughts on the ending were. Thanks for sharing this!


luvtaylor14 said...
on Oct. 16 2010 at 6:03 pm
Hey, you don't know he died, it is a cliff hanger, you make up the ending. If you want him to die, you can do that, if you want him to live, then make him live.

on Oct. 15 2010 at 7:41 pm
_Rose_Red_ BRONZE, Many, Louisiana
4 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes the dreams that come true, are the dreams that you never even knew you had!&quot;

 

awesome loved the ending even though he died


on Oct. 15 2010 at 9:06 am
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don&#039;t know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! &lt;3

thanks, i like this piece

purplefluber said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 9:53 pm
Scary! Hope this never happens to me or my family. IF it did,id beat the guy up n fly away..haha...