Only a Girl | Teen Ink

Only a Girl

August 25, 2011
By singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin


Just because I’m all “theirs” doesn’t mean I can’t hear.

I’m not dead, you know.

I hear the frantic whispers behind the closed door. Some may say this is wrong, but for all I care eavesdropping is a source. A way to receive information. Or did the goody two-shoes not learn that one at her private lessons?

The whispers rise to shouts. I just roll my eyes. Probably arguing over another pony she would like.

Suddenly, I hear a smack. Firm, solid. Like skin hitting skin. The sound cracks throughout the castle like a clap of thunder. My heart practically stops. I panic and bustle away down the hall with a tray of teacups grasped tightly in my hands.

“Ah, Ophelia.” I cringe as I hear His Majesty’s startlingly calm voice. Considering.

“Your Majesty.” I face him and offer a small curtsy, not daring to meet his eyes. I feel translucent, like he can see right through me, into my soul.

She suddenly steps out from behind him, in a cerulean blue dress that match her eyes. She’s always had the prettiest eyes. Stifling a gasp, I catch a glimpse of her left cheekbone, reddened and bruising. Splotchy around the eyes. Discoloration on her arms. She looks so small and delicate compared to him, tall and powerful. I take a hasty step backwards, the porcelain dishes clattering.

“I-I was just leaving.” I mutter, turning away.

“Ophelia!” He barks. I notice her wince. My stomach throbs, gripped with guilt.
“Felicity and I were just…” He trails off for a moment, grasping her hand as she flinches. He gives a horribly fake smile. “Talking.” He puts, allowing his voice to darken.

Well, that was convincing.

“Yes. I’m aware.” I manage. I look him hard in the eye. “Well, I’ll be going then.” I give her a look of sympathy before practically falling down the staircase and hiding in the supply closet.

Deep breaths, Ophie, deep breaths. Closing my eyes, I try to shut everything out. But her soft, pale face, her deep blue eyes, her skinny, frails wrists keep showing up in my mind.

They can’t own me. He can’t own her. Never.

I find myself heaving, surrounded by darkness, losing consciousness.

I hear the grunt and the body rattling down the stairs. The cry echoes in my ears before everything goes black.

It’s a blithe and idle life, being a servant girl.


The author's comments:
A whimsical thought came to me when I was doing chores one day...you can figure out the rest ;) oh, by the way, I'm thinking about making this into an actual story..any ideas or tips?? SMANKS<33 and please comment and rate!! kaythanksbye :D

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This article has 4 comments.


on Oct. 10 2011 at 1:51 pm
singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! I understand that it is a little choppy...that is my technique for this...also, Felicity is the princess. It was meant to be a sort of "choose yourself" thing..that adds to the suspense :) but thanks again!

on Oct. 10 2011 at 2:40 am
TheyCallMeAdam BRONZE, Bhubaneswar, Other
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Hi HollerGirl,

I would like to point out a few things.

First off, you need to do some corrections re. puntuation :

"They can’t own me. He can’t own her. Never." (This is correct usage. Well Done.)

"Splotchy around the eyes. Discoloration on her arms." (This is not quite correct. You need to link them up with a sentence preferably with a comma and/or semi-colon)

Okay, so much for puntuation. Another thing I would like to point out is you need to make the 'she' a little more specific. The only time the readers get to know that 'she' is Felicity, is when the King talks. 

Another question arises, who is Felicity? The Queen? A Bedwarmer for the King? You have to be specific(at least a little more).

Well these are just my suggestions. Don't take them personally; they're just for your help and improvisation.

The good news? This can be a very good concept for a story! I like it. 3 stars. I'll be stalking you(your works, I mean).

Have a good day.(Sorry for the long message)


on Sep. 25 2011 at 6:05 pm
singinginthegardn GOLD, Cowell, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin

Haha, thank you so much <33! I WILL!!

-Duckie- GOLD said...
on Sep. 25 2011 at 3:04 pm
-Duckie- GOLD, West Fargo, North Dakota
18 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your heart is a weapon the size of your fist. Keep fighting. Keep loving.
-Anonymous

"Well, that was convincing."

Funny!

I liked it! Please keep writing!