Do I Get a Gold Chariot | Teen Ink

Do I Get a Gold Chariot

November 16, 2011
By GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
23 articles 4 photos 23 comments

Stumbling through the cold, windy, snow-less might, I began to feel numb. Numb from the inside out, this time from more than the cold. Walking through this ghost town -where I will probably die and become a ghost myself- I began to wonder what comes next. "Do I get a gold chariot? Will I start to feel warm again?" I pulled my shawl tighter as the wind picked up. My nose was running, and my eyes stung from exhaustion. "or will I disappear completely?" saying it more like a statement than a question. I began to think about who would remember me "The husband I never had? The father of my dead child? That man didn't even know my name!"

Stumbling into an old building, to shelter myself from the wind, I tripped and fell. Pain travelled through my body faster than light. My leg was facing the wrong way. I had no energy left to scream, or cry, or rock back and forth; so tears streamed from my eyes and I didn't make a sound except the occasional whimper.

A light came on above me and a man came downstairs. Without a word, he helped me up. I was weightless. He took my hand and I felt my other hand being held as well. I looked over and there was a woman. I felt the sensation of being lifted higher and higher. My shawl slipped away and I was not cold anymore

The author's comments:
This whole story began as and English assignment when our teacher showed us an image of a woman, who was -as we found out after the assignment- the woman on the one pound note in Ireland. When I first saw her, I felt that she looked numb, and lifeless. Like she had grief inside of her that she had had for so long, she had become accustomed to it. So this is my story of that woman, beforee i new that she was an Irish woman on the One pound note... not that that makes a difference before or after i knew it

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This article has 4 comments.

Sinc321 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 14 2011 at 6:17 pm
Sinc321 BRONZE, Centerville, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hold the line!"

wow thats good 


on Dec. 10 2011 at 2:19 am
DooRonRon SILVER, Barstow, California
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
If life hands you lemons, squirt juice in the enemy's eye!
"Dying would be an awful big adventure."- Peter Pan

very descriptive, and keeps me wondering and asking questions! very nice;)

on Nov. 27 2011 at 2:54 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Since you told me not to criticize your grammar, I won't.  But you do need to work on it.

1.  I think a little more explanation would be nice.  Why is the woman out in the cold?  Why would she ask if she was getting a gold chariot?

2.  Just a little more description would be nice as well.

on Nov. 27 2011 at 2:54 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

I read several of your stories. They're all quiet depressing but in general well written. Keep it up!