Do you ever feel like life is just pointless? That what is the point of living at all? I've experience death, sorrow, heartbreak, and pain countless of times and it just never ends...I pray that one day my wounds will heal.

I a woke to the light of the morning sun shining down upon me. Groaning under my breath, I slowly raised and got up out of my tangled bed sheets and stumbled into my bathroom and began to get ready for the day a head. After brushing and taking a quick shower, I went through my draw and took out three small medicine bottles. I gulped about several pills all together and washed it down with a bottle of day old water. I've been suffering from depression over the past 3 weeks due to some issues I've been having. I tried to kill myself by hanging, cutting and even over dosing on sleeping pills all failed. I sighed as I walked out my room and pulled out my iPod.
Reaching the living I plopped down on the couch and blasted my music. I was hoping to go deaf so I wouldn't have to hear my parents fight but the minute my dad slammed the door I knew I would have to pay for it again, like always. Sighing again I flipped through the TV before turning it off. "Nothing on, nothing to do, nothing to life for" I whispered under my breath while closing my eyes hoping to go into a peaceful sleep. Sadly that never happens around here in this hell hole and the sound of my mother yelling at me didn't help. "Damn it Josh will you get up off you're lazy a**! You're just like you're b****** father! Do me a favor and go get the mail will you?" she asked me while holding out a black bag full of month old trash. Taking it quietly I made my way out of the house and threw the bag onto the sidewalk. I walked over to the mail box and opened it and checking over the pile of envelopes in my hand.
Reading over all I saw was unpaid bills for the house, my mom check and some letter. Wait a letter? W-With my name on it... Opening it gently I was shocked to see what it held inside.


I'm officially leaving for good so I'll try to keep this short;

Look, I'm sorry for everything I have put you trough, I'm sorry for hurting you, for yelling at you, for saying all those hateful things to you. I"m a confused son of a b**** who has no idea what the hell is going on in her life. Who has no ides who she is, why she was put on this Earth, why she has the life she does. So I'm starting a new. Making myself a new life where I do know what's going on even when no one else does. I'm going to try to stop liking girls, I'm going to get over that boy. I"m going to stop being such a pitiful, selfish, b****, who only cares about herself. I"m going to give more and take less. I"m going to love more and want less. I"m going to try to stop being so angry, and I"m going to start apologizing for all the wrong I have done. I"m going to shed this skin that feel so itchy and doesn't fit and I"m going to find the one that does, and I"m going to be a better person.

I'm sorry for all that I did, I promise you, I did love you, but I never have a good way of showing it.

Love, Eli

Lifting my eyes off the page I couldn't help but let my tears escape and roll down my cheeks. I didn't want to believe that this was the same girl that broke my heart into piece or the same girl who played minded games with but it was...although she was different...in a good way. Glancing up at the sky I wished that she was able to be the changed she wanted to be and made my way inside while cherishing her last words to me.