“Stop it Spencer!” she took a deep ragged breath, “it’s mine!”
I looked down at the toy in my hand. No this was my toy, my doll. I t has been forever. “Oh my god Blake, you’re a liar. All you ever do is lie. To me, to mom, to everyone. You’re an impossible spoiled brat!”
The look on her face told me she was hurt, more than hurt. I saw her lip tremble and a tear begin to form on the corner of her eye, getting ready to leak out any second. I bit my lip. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
“You’re so cold Spencer. You’re an egotistical…. Ugh. And you think you’re so cool? Well you’re not. You can never help anyone else out. All you think about is number one. All you think is Spencer, Spencer, and Spencer. And frankly I’m sick and tired of it.” Hearing this pissed me off, my hand flashed out and snapped across her face. That did it. Her tears started spilling out from the corners of her eyes.
“Hearing the truth hurts doesn’t it Spence.” She turned on her heel sharply and spun out the front door, slamming the door behind her. I breathed a deep ragged breath and fell to the floor. We never fought like this. Mom had told us not to fight. I remember specifically.
***
I tightly gripped on my 11 year old sister, Blake’s, hand. Mom and Dad busily bustled around, trying to hurry to catch the next plane out. You see my parents, in the 16 years they’ve been married, never had a vacation to themselves, just the two of them, in other words, a honeymoon. Why? Because I’m turning 17, they had me to look after, and since then to about a year ago, we’ve been broke, had a fire, and had Blake, my little sister, mom felt she couldn’t leave us for that long, and the final excuse, now just isn’t the time. Well since about a year ago my dad got another job, a better job, and we’ve been fine. So Blake and I, urged them to finally take a break, and with enough nagging they have. Finally. They had all their bags packed, and with no excuses they got ready to leave. Mom turned to look at us, she bit her lip before saying, “Don’t fight, clean up, and don’t burn the house down.” She bent down to give Blake and I hug. As she gave me a quick hug she whispered in my ear, “Spencer, watch Blake, please, don’t let anything happen to her,” and with a final squeeze turned around and left. Blake and I eagerly ran to the front window and watched the ford escape leave, leaving two distinct tire tracks in the snow. When we were sure they had been gone for good we turned around and smiled at each other.
“Popcorn?” Blake giggled.
“Always.” I turned around and headed for the kitchen. As I was popping our popcorn I heard Blake shout from the other room.


“Spence, can we play Dragons and Princesses?” I smiled. A seventeen year-old girl normally still doesn’t play games of imagination with their 11 year old sisters. But with Blake? It didn’t matter.














***


I curled up under a thick wool comforter on the couch, staring outside the window into the bleak, cold night. The wind snapped and whistled around the thick trees we had garnishing our back yard. The wind caused the window to rattle and shake, as if someone, out in the cold wanted in. Looking outside past the mountains, at the black thick clouds I could tell it was going to snow, hard. This wasn’t good. Blake out there? It wasn’t good at all. I should probably go out and bring her in, before the storm starts, but that would cause her run, and once she started, I would never catch up to her. No. It would be best to wait in here for her. Give her time to cool off, so I could apologize. I didn’t mean it any of it; I didn’t want to yell at her like that. Really, she was a good kid. A great sister. My best friend.


Wrapping the blanket tight around me I stepped out off the couch and dragged my feet over to the radio. I pushed the on button and settled back down into the couch. Tightening the blanket around me I pushed my back into the plushness of the couch.


I didn’t want to fall asleep. I tried hard not to. Really, I did. But that’s what happened.














***


“Spencer!” she giggled from under me, “Stop tickling me! You know how much…” I cut Blake off by wriggling my fingers in her tummy. Giggles and hiccups sputtered from my little sister.


“No! Never!” I teased, “You have to pay the troll my pretty dear.” I laughed at my little sister. Before long I heard a car pull up in the drive way. At this time I was 12 and Blake was 6. We both knew better than to be rough-housing around Mom. Mom’s new baby in her tummy was making her very sick and temperamental. I climbed off Blake and sat beside her, ruffling her hair playfully. Her cheeks were still deeply flushed from our tickling match. Mommy said today’s visit to the doctor was very important. It would tell us if the baby was okay, when it would be born, and if we would be having a baby brother or sister. We both wanted another little sister. Though in my eyes? Blake was the best anyone could get.
We heard the door open from our joint bedroom and we decided to be very quiet. We heard chuckling from the porch. “Girls!” Dad’s voice boomed, calling for us. We rocketed off the bed and our door to run smack-dab into dad. He laughed at us before scooping us both up into his arms. He face mom with us both clung onto our side of his arms. Mom beamed.
“Girls,” she smiled softly and patted her slightly swollen tummy, “you’re having a baby sister.” I felt my eyes widen and I practically leaped off Dad. Blake did the same. Blake put her tiny hand on mom’s stomach. She looked her dead in the eyes “Why is she in there? Did you eat her?”
I sat up quickly. Blake! I looked around and called her name several times “Blake?” There was no returning call, meaning she wasn’t home yet. I looked at the time. It was late. Really late. The storm was at its peak. Maybe she was in the garage. I pulled my sweater over my head and headed towards the kitchen that adjoined to our garage.
I slipped into the cool garage, the cement freezing on the pads of my feet. I flicked on the light and called out for my little sister, “Blakester? Are you in here?” When there was no answering reply I knew she was out there in the cold. The thought terrified me. I felt my throat tighten to the point I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to swallow, but I couldn’t. Who knows how long the storm has been raging? I shouldn’t have fallen asleep; I should have been more diligent. I should have gone after her. Is she okay?
I bolted inside as fast as could, she could be anywhere out there. I had to find her. I yanked on snow pants and a jacket and shoved my feet into boots. I had to find her. I had to find her. I had to find her.
“Spencer?” I heard my sister whisper from across our room.
“Yeah?” I replied, wondering what it could be now.
“Do you think mom will be okay?”
“I don’t know Blake, I really don’t.”
Mom had been sent to the hospital. She had fallen. She told us that wasn’t very good for the baby. The moment we got a hold of dad he hurried home and rushed mom to the hospital. He told us to behave and take care of ourselves until they got home, then with a kiss on the forehead he left us clueless about everything.
“Spencer?”
“Yes Hun?”
“Do you think our baby sisters going to be okay?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t answer because I was afraid. Afraid for mom, for dad, and our sister. I was afraid of what this could do to our family. I had read too many books to be completely oblivious to the risks involved with moms fall. I turned over, and tried, un-successfully, to fall asleep, ignoring my Blake’s questions.
The wetness of the snow was leaking in through my boots, making my feet cold. I didn’t care, not at all. My little sister was out her, somewhere, and I had to find her. The wind outside, though it had died down a bit, was still going strong and sharp, slicing easily through my coat and sweater. The ice wind grated at my cheeks causing them to feel raw and numb. I was past the point of shivering and all I could think about is how Blake was feeling. The idea made me want to cry, but the moment tears started to form at the corners of my eyes, as they began their journey down my face, they froze before reaching my cheek bones. Blake where were you? Mom was going to kill me. She couldn't lose her baby, she couldn't lose Blake too.
***
I heard the door close softly in the wee hours of the night. Only because I couldn't sleep. I was so scared. The footsteps in the living room where tired and sad. "Mo-" I started to say before I decided it would be best to keep quiet. I swallowed and peeled the sheets off from me and carefully tip-toed over to our door. I could hear hushed voices outside it. Pressing my ear against the door, I listened, I eavesdropped.

"It's not your fault Anne," I heard my father’s voice speak softly to my mother.

A soft voice, that could only belong to my mother, replied tiredly, exhausted, and drained, "Gabe, you and I both know I shouldn't have been..."

"But you did. You can't fix it, you couldn't have known that'd it'd give out on you. That chairs been sturdy for years"

"It was reckless"

"No babe, it wasn't, your growing restless from doing nothing, we both know you've always had to be busy with something."

"I didn't have only me to care for."

I was curious. To curious I suppose. I pushed the door open and crept through the dimly lit area to where mom was collapsed in her chair, and dad, knelt in front of her had her hand clasped in his hand.

"Mommy?" I whispered still creeping forward. Mom’s eyes sullenly lifted slightly before drooping back down to her lap.

"Yes sweetie?"

I walked forward. "Mommy? Are you and the baby okay?"

She didn't answer and I knew.

***
Most of the wind had quieted, though softer, it was still freezing. I swerved my flashlight over the snow in front of me. Nothing. God Blake, how far had you run?

I must have been lost in thought, but something caught my eye. Coveredish tracks. Jogged forward, shouting and calling for Blake. They may be or may not belong to Blake, but I didn't care, they were all I had. They were the only trace. They were the only thing left of Blake. I struggled and fought with the knee deep snow.

"Blake!" I bellowed. I flicked my flashlight around. Nothing, still. Blake, Blake, Blake. I stumbled forward making my foot sink into the snow. I pulled, it wouldn't come loose. I was stuck. I tugged and pulled, hoping it would free itself. I wasn't lucky, it was hopelessly stuck. I started panicking like crazy. Keep.
Your.

Cool.

It didn't work. My sister could be out there, anywhere and my stupid foot had to waste time being stuck. This drove me up the wall with panic. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I tried to think about what we are taught to do if you got stuck in snow. I remembered something about digging. I started rubbing the surface snow away from my foot. It must have been only foot down. But the situation I was in, Blake being lost, it felt like forever until I got my foot free. I kicked the snow off and stood up.

I must keep going. I must find Blake.

I rushed forward. I started back up in the direction I was heading in before I fell. Nothing else mattered.

***
The popcorn was almost done. Almost, but not quite. I could hear Blake out in the living room playing and giggling, probably getting ready for our game of Dragons and Princesses. I mused slightly at the thought. Here I was, my parents gone for the week, and I was playing games of pretend with my 11 year old sister. I was 17, I could be throwing a huge party, I could go out and leave my sister here, to take care of herself, unlike my mother, and I knew she could. Most of the girls I know would. But no, I was, no I wanted to, be here. I wanted to spend my time making forts in the, living room, with my little sister. I couldn’t be happier.
I heard her call my name, asking if the popcorn was ready, I quickly told her no. I remember her laughing and singing. Excited.
What happened? It didn’t even matter now, I didn’t care. It was so stupid. I must have been deep in the trees now, but there I saw it, pink.
I was so happy to see that pink, I’d never been happier in my life. I dropped to my knees and hurriedly scraped at the snow, brushing, digging to reveal my sisters face, her pulse slow, faint. I couldn’t almost feel it. I stood up and looked own at my sister her snow blanket all around her.

There was no way I could help her out here. I had to back home. I didn’t want leave her here, but I had to. With just my sweater I turned and bolted for the house. I used all the strength in my legs to trudge through the heavy fresh snow.



















***
“Who’s he?” my sister whispered, glancing nervously at the boy I had in the living room.
I rolled my eyes impatiently, “A boy I like.”
Her mouth dropped. “Is he your boyfriend?” She asked.
“No,” I said, I wish he was, but he was my friend, he’d never see me that way. “Were just friends.”
She sighs in relief, I think. “Good. You’re not allowed to have a boyfriend; it’s just going to be me and you. Forever. You’re going to protect me, and I’ll protect you. No boys, their icky.”
This made me chuckle. I ruffled her hair. “Sure Hun, sure.”
















***



There the house was. It was not even 30 yards in front of me. I hadn’t been walking long. Just long enough to know that I had made the right decision leaving her back there. The storm had picked up some, not much but some. Enough, that if I couldn’t carry her anymore. We both could’ve been in danger. Now I was inside the house I spared no time gathering things I’d need. A blanket, a fire starting kit, some food, another jacket, new clothes for her, and a cell phone. I put these all in a bag and spun out the door and made my way back to my little sister.












***


“When you or someone you know is suffering from hypothermia…. Jackson!” Mr. Lark said boredly. I glanced to the back of the room to my friend Jackson shooting spitball’s that were sticking to the white board. I stifled a laugh. It’s not like I’d ever need this lesson.


“Students, I would rather be assigning you work, or teaching than informing you of the risks and procedures of Hypothermia, but because of this series of cold weather we’ve been having. The school board has control. So sit still and endure the lesson so we can get it done and over with.” Mr. Lark sighed.
I turned in my seat and looked up at the front. “Now when one’s suffering from hypothermia, a fatal condition. There a few things another one can do. Notice the signs. Early signs are; Shivering, exhaustion, slurred speech and memory loss, and confusion. Latter stages, shivering will cease. Some people will even pass out. Now put victim in a warmer….”
Will Jackson ask me to the dance? ‘Damn’ I thought to myself while picking at my hair in the screen of my phone, ‘my hair looks awful. Yuck! Is that my eyeliner…? Spencer, pay attention. There’ll probably be a stupid test or something, your FAILING. You really should not have skipped all those courses. You’re not going to… Pay attention.’
“…remove all wet clothing from the victim. Be sure anything you touch them with is dry. Anything we will continue to lower the victim’s body temperature until it evaporates. If this procedure is taking too long because of buttons and snaps. Cut them off….
‘Jenna’s hair looks good. Why can’t my hair look that healthy? Probably because you heat ruin it idiot. If he asks me out, will it be casual? Or awkward…please be casual…Spencer!”
“…Cardiovascular problems. Be sure, in this situation to warm the body’s core heat leaks. The head, armpits, groin, and neck. Use a blanket or skin to skin contact. Do not warm arms or legs. This will push the cold back to lungs, heart and head. Once the victim is warm…..”
‘I am so tired. Why did I even bother to come to school today? Like seriously. God my hair was so grosgusting. What is Mr. Lark wearing…What am I wearing? Spencer! Holy crap on a cracker barrel tin roof. Pay Attention.”
“Last. Call for help. Sit and wait until help arrives….”
If only I had paid attention during that lesson. If only I could remember any of it.







*****
Now I had her dressed in warm, dry clothes. I had a lame excuse for a fire going, and I tried my best to get some sort of sugar in her, she still looked lifeless. Then it dawned on me. Had I even checked a pulse? I scrambled down and checked both her neck and wrist for a pulse. It was there, not strong or even, but there. I grabbed the phone from my bag and started dialing 911.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
And the screen flicked off, devoid from any battery life.