You won’t believe what I saw the other day at my local grocery store. A little girl, about the age of nine, was walking down the cereal aisle with her father. She was constantly asking to get this kind of cereal or that kind while her dad kept telling her no. She started whining, but that little girl whine, just to get her way. Her dad suddenly bends over and spanks her right there. Right there in that aisle with everyone able to see, including myself. The father in a very harsh voice said, “You are not getting anything Emily. Don’t ask me again.” I was completely shocked. My eyes widened. I honestly couldn’t believe what I had just seen.

Dear Emily’s father:

Do you know exactly what spanking is used for? Obviously you don’t. It is clearly used as a small punishment; usually for younger children when they do something wrong/bad. Not for when your daughter asks to buy a certain kind of cereal at the grocery store. You got mad at her and took your anger out on her. It shouldn’t have built up like that, not over a small thing like cereal.

Spanking is something that you should use lightly, every once in awhile, or almost never. Doing this as they get older can actually begin to have the opposite effect than what you would like them to have. Hiding things, disrespect, and lying are signs they are no longer trying to please you and do as you say. Say she gives you attitude, so in return you spank her. Then her attitude gets worse. Hmm… See the connection?

Emily could at any point of her life start to hate you and not treat you with respect anymore. Then what? Are you going to keep spanking her thinking that it will make everything better? Doing that won’t create anything good. From past experience I have found that children that get spanked at an older age actually start to become rebellious against you and disrespect you more. They no longer will want anything to do with you. This will leave your family to slowly fall apart and a son or daughter that will never treat you the same.

Let me tell you a personal story here. I have a father who is really strict. All he ever wanted was me to be a good daughter. Then anytime that I had done something wrong he was there to punish me in one way or another. Usually it was a spanking or sometimes two, three, or even four times. I started to lose track. It depended on how badly he thought I needed to be punished. Well, my freshman year I had gotten a really bad grade on this test, (according to him if it wasn’t a B or higher it wasn’t good enough). As soon as I had got home that night all of the yelling started. I was fourteen at the time and he spanked me. Yes, I know, hard to believe. That is the day that I told my mom and Child Protective Services (CPS) was called right away. At this point it was no longer called spanking but abuse. That strong A word that could change a parent’s life. And it changed my dad’s—drastically. My dad, who just wanted me to do well in life, went to jail for 90 days for abuse towards me.

Do you want this to be Emily and your relationship? In a flash everything can go from perfect to downright terrible. Over the course of the years her thoughts about you could/will change if you continue to act like this. Trust me.

So next time you get ready to spank her, at home or at our grocery store, really think about why you are doing it. Remember that in any moment you could lose her and you might not even ever know it.

Sincerely,

Girl who knows what it is like