Abandoned by a Hoarder
She stared down at her feet, they were clean, the toes perfectly manicured each nail perfectly curved, there were no callouses nothing to show where she had been. As she looked at them that day flashed through her mind, she remembered looking down at her feet standing in the mud, her toes curled up the way she does when she’s nervous the cracks in her feet lined with dirt. The rain had been splashing up on her legs, cleaning the scrapes and bruises that covered her legs. As she looked at her legs now, it didn’t seem to be the same pair, they had a golden glow and all the bruises and scrapes were gone nothing but the fake tanning lotion was there. She looked up just the way she had that one day she remembered seeing her mother walking away, and realized that it wasn’t just for the night like it sometimes was it was forever. She remembered the orphanage owner, Mary who held her back as she tried to chase after her mother. She watched her as she walked down the street and kept watching as she turned the corner and she could no longer see her. She stayed that way; standing in the rain wrapped in this strangers arms staring at the corner where her mother once stood. And now as she stood in the mirror staring at herself she felt the tears coming back. She held them back though she had promised herself never to cry about her mother and she planned to never break that promise.
She was still staring at herself when the breakfast bell rang. She heard the shuffle of fifty feet as everyone made their way to the cafeteria. She never got why everyone was in such a hurry to go, the same boring food would be there if you came late. So as everyone was racing down to breakfast she sat down and started putting on her makeup. Although she hated putting it on she never left her room without it. She sat staring at the black box it looked like a small black briefcase but as she flipped the silver latch and opened it, 7 different compartments opened up and a mirror replaced where the lip had once been. Her face swung into view, this moment always surprised her. She wasn’t used to seeing the black rings around her eyes the, pale skin that was covered with little zits, the frizzy black hair that looked like a lions mane and just the complete tiredness that covered her face. She started with the foundation a tan cream color that she smeared onto her face. Next was the eye liner, then the mascara. Her eyelashes once blond and short showed up long and as dark as the night sky. Although she thought she looked fake she knew this was the only way to make people forget. As she walked into the cafeteria she could see that most of the kids had left, it was only her and about fifteen other people. She got her food, eggo waffles and bowl of mushy oatmeal. She sat at her usual spot in the back corner, the farthest away that she could get. She always felt that she did not belong here, in fact she knew that she did not belong here. The kids here were all losers, they wear clothes that they got at the Salvation Army, didn’t wear any makeup and all their friends came from this very place, this very dreadful awful place. As she ate someone came on the intercom and said
“30 minutes till the bus to school will be leaving.” At this she stood up walked to the trashcan and through away her half eaten waffle and more than half of her oatmeal. She walked upstairs and put on her uniform, a tan skirt knee high white socks and an argyle sweater plus the pink charm bracelet that she secretly hated and thought was cheesy but all the popular girls wore them so to keep her status she slipped it on. She looked at herself in the mirror and she saw a different person, this person had perfect skin a beautiful tan and the perfectly straightened hair that laid on her shoulders like silk.
“Five minutes till the bus is leaving,” rang on the intercom she grabbed her backpack raced out the door, down the stairs and through the front door. She hopped on the bus went to the back and slipped on her headphones. Before, she used to prepare herself for the day, think of what she would say and what she would do in order to make everyone forget that she was an orphan for just one minute. Now it was just second nature she knew what to say and how to act. Although there was still the occasional glance after a while the staring and whispering behind her back had decreased. That part of her identity had always nagged at her she wanted to take it out of her throw it into the ocean and never have to deal with it again. She was ashamed of herself, she felt that no matter what she will never be good enough and never be normal. And so she felt like she should cover that up. The school bus turned a corner and the school building came into view. It had an American flag waving gently against the bright blue sky in the middle of the front lawn, it was two stories of brick and plain as plain could be with a flat front that was covered in perfectly rowed windows. There were kids loitering around waiting for the school bell to ring and the day to begin. She searched for her friend although it wasn’t that hard they were always next to the flag pole either talking with boys or making fun of someone. As she walked up they yelled her name,
“Rose! Come over here!” as she walked up she could hear their conversation.
“Look at her skirt!”
“Oh that’s awful it looks like vomit!” there was a roar of laughter after that and the girl they were talking about raced off trying to hold back the tears. Rose hated to see that but as long as it wasn’t her they were laughing at she was going to go with it. After five minutes of gossiping and laughing the bell rang and they all went to their classes. First hour for Rose was psycology. The teacher was a short man with a long white beard and white hair named Mr. Ross. Today they were learning about identity and the pressures of society. On the chalkboard was written “Why fit in when you were born to stand out” -Dr. Suess. Although Rose secretly loved psychology she acted as though hated it so as she lazily took out her books she thought secretly about the quote. It seemed to be coming off of the board and staring right at her. It seemed to be meant for her as though Mr. Ross had planned this lesson revolving just around her. And although she sat attentively listening trying to figure out why this quote stuck to her so much all she could think of was that quote it was in her mind and for some reason she knew she was never getting it out. When the bell rang she walked out in a haze. The words “why fit in” and “stand out” rung in her ear as she almost ran into someone in the hallway and then again as she sat through her classes, in Algebra 2 when Mrs. Lagan called on her she just stared back and said
“What?” Those words nagged at her all day. Was she just fitting in? Was she supposed to
stand out and be herself? At lunch Nellie asked

“What’s wrong? Your being a bum.” Rose usually a hyper and really happy person sat staring at the wall while everyone else was gossiping and talking about cute boys. Those words were torturing her. Was this the way she wanted to be, just another popular girl? Should she stand out and be herself and embrace herself?

The rest of the day was a blur and when finally 2:45 rolled around and she heard the bell ring. She stepped out into the sun and everything was clear she knew what she was going to do. She seemed to walk with a different perspective on life her shoulders were higher, she felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulder a weight that she figured she had been carrying around for her whole life and now suddenly it was lifted off. She rode the bus home with purpose and felt a tingling electricity that was traveling through her body.
When the bus stopped she jumped off the bus raced to her room, opened the door and went to the dresser. She reached into the depths of the drawer past her underwear and past her socks until she felt the creases and scratchy feel of old newspaper. She pulled it out, as a child she had promised never to take this out and never ever read it. But for some reason she had saved it, she remembered walking into her room crumpling up the terrible, awful paper and throwing it up against the wall and crying. She remembered crying for a long time the tears kept coming and she kept crying. Until all she had energy to do was take that paper and stuff it in the back of the dresser and it had stayed there for seven years until just know. She unwrinkled it and laid it flat on her desk the title was “Abandoned by a Hoarder” she read through the article once and then three more times. It said “Late last night a young girl was left by her mother Leann.” And then later “Friends say that when you step into her house it is hard to see her because her stuff stands taller than her.” When she first read it she was crying by the end but the fourth time through it gave her strength. It motivated her to step out and be different. So as she went into the bathroom and grabbed the makeup remover she set the article on the counter as a reminder of why she was doing this. She took the cloth to her face and wiped it, she wiped all the bronzer and the mascara and the eyeliner and the blush and everything off till all that was there was true Rose nothing fake covering herself up. She stepped into the hallway and walked down the stairs and out the door. As the sun hit her face the words of Dr. Seuss rang in her ear “why fit in when you were born to stand out.”