I rub my belly and feel 5 little fingers push from the inside. I'm sitting on the living room couch, in awe at how surreal this moment is, at how impossible it seems that there is life inside of me. Other than having to go to the bathroom every other half hour this has been an experience like no other. No one will ever fully understand how desperately I wanted a child. I yearned for the day when I would hear my baby cry, when I could hold him in my arms and he would feel at home. I'll admit, I was pretty psyched about buying everything too, and now I'll finally be able to do all those things. But then I feel a kick, and a punch, and a twist, and a pull. I hear a tear and before long a clear liquid soaks my pants. I hear a far away agonized shriek, and it takes me some time to recognize it as my own. A pain like no other pulses through my body as it surges forward, bringing me to my knees. I'm surrounded by a puddle of blood now. My heart races and I heave in deep breaths. In, out, in, out. Gone.