A Wild Birthday



Molly and I stood in line at the public zoo, holding hands. She beamed at me, her smile large and bright and innocent, as she bounced on the heels of her hot pink shoes and hummed loudly, if not impatiently. She looked like she may have needed to use the restroom, but she was also really excited to be there, as any six year old would be. Except, as of today, she wouldn’t be six anymore. Today was her birthday.

“ Do you think we’ll see lions and elephants and monkeys, today?” She asked hopefully.

“ No,” I said sarcastically, “ but we’ll see plenty of cardboard cut-outs.” Then I quickly added, “ Just kidding! I wouldn’t do that to you.”

She squealed happily and ran in a circle, stopping right in front off me. Then she did a little jig. “Birthday, birthday, birthday! Birthday, birthday, birthday! BIRTHDAAAAYYYY!” I couldn’t help but smile.

I was really sorry for the fact that her parents had to work, instead of being with their child. They shouldn’t be missing this. Fortunately, they had a nephew who liked taking pictures.

We paid for our tickets and entered the menagerie, which was already filled with the noise of hundreds of people as they bustled about the place, buying food and souvenirs from vendors. Molly vanished inside the restroom facilities like a streak. So I folded my arms and leaned against a wall, observing the scenery and people watching.

“ Are you sure that you can go it alone?” A teenage girl was interrogating a small toddler, who had his hands on his hips and glared back at her indignantly.

“ I’m a real man. Let me do this.”

The girl laughed as he left for the little boy’s room. “Don’t fall in,” she called after him. Then she leaned against the wall right next to me, hooked her fingers into the belt loops of her jeans, and glared venomously at her surroundings. She glanced at me, and then did a double take.

“What are you looking at?”

I grinned, trying to be friendly. “ Unhappy to be here?”

A moment of silence passed as she stared at me intently. “ I don’t like the zoo very much. My brother, Caleb,” she pointed towards the men’s room, “ wanted to go, and so my parents sent me with him.”

“Me, too, except my aunt and uncle put me in charge of my cousin. As for liking the zoo, I will admit that there was a period of time when I used to be afraid of the reptile exhibits.”

She nodded in understanding, “monkeys.” Enough said, apparently. I didn’t question it.

We stood there until Molly returned. Molly did another jig, eager for us to be on our way. Then she eyed my new acquaintance. “Kevin, is this your girlfriend? Hi! I’m Molly! Today’s my birthday, and I’m turning seven! What’s your name? Is today your birthday, too?”

At that moment, Caleb made his way out of the bathroom as well, and strutted over to us with a proud swagger in his step. “ What’s up, Jess?” he inquired.

“ She’s dating Kevin,” Molly explained with a badly concealed whisper.

Caleb was shocked. “No way. What’s ‘dating?’”

“ It means that at some point, they’re going to start kissing-”

Caleb gagged, “ That’s disgusting!”

Jess, who’s name I assumed was short for Jessica, gave me a disdainful look, sighed, and then rubbed her temples. To me, she was either thinking “ as if,” or “this was going to be a very long day.” I found this to be especially funny, so I decided to irritate the situation.

“ Hey, would you two like to join us?”

Molly was ecstatic about the idea. Caleb didn’t really seem to think it was a bad thought, either. However, Jessica was reluctant and bent on not having a good time whether it happened or not. And then Molly stared her down with a pair of sad, puppy-dog eyes.

“ Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

All hail the will consuming powers of Molly’s puppy-dog eyes.

Finally, we started moving towards the exhibits. First, we looked at some elephants, who were munching lazily on some greens. The kids were excited, so I took pictures of them together.

We spent a few minutes talking about elephants, and how they supposedly never forgot anything. Then, one of the zookeepers approached, dragging a hose with him. He opened the fence of the elephants little habitat and hollered, “ Bath time!”

The crowd backed away as the zookeeper guided the elephant out onto the pavement, going silent so as to not disturb the mighty creature. Soon the elephant was being hosed down, with extra time being spent on his mud-caked feet. He really enjoyed himself.

“ Say, would anyone be interested in saying hello?” The zookeeper asked when he was finished. The crowd murmured for a few moments, and then Jessica volunteered. Or, rather, I pushed her out of the crowd and yelled, “pick her!”

Pale as a ghost, Jessica, under the scrutiny of the crowd, approached the friendly behemoth nervously. The elephant, a true gentleman, kindly shook her hand when asked to. Then he, to Caleb’s delight, plucked Jessica off the ground, causing her to squeak, and lifted her over his head before setting her back down. The crowd applauded. I snapped a few more pictures.

“ Okay, Kevin,” Jessica admitted as she wandered back to us, a wide grin on her face, “ that was pretty fun. But don’t do that again.”

“Me next! Me next!” Caleb shouted. He groaned as the zookeeper led the elephant away.

Afterwards, we shifted towards the lions’ cage. There were four of them, sleepily lounging in the sun, or pacing in their cage. I took a picture of one while it was yawning, and then I showed the other three, to the amusement of all. We were jolted to attention by roar that emanated from a female who swatted another who had been teasing her.

“Do you think they will escape?” I asked Jessica in mock concern, waving my hands dramatically.

She followed suit, and with wide eyes and a quivering voice she replied, “ I don’t know! God forbid, for the sake of the children.”

“ Yes, indeed. For the chi- hold on.” I turned to the shocked faces of Molly and Caleb, who were absorbing all of this, and gave them a mischievous look, rubbing my hands together and cracking my knuckles. “ Dinnertime.”

Caleb shrieked and latched onto Jessica’s leg. Molly, on the other hand, just stared at me coldly.

“ That’s not funny. I am too young to die. If the lions escape, they will eat you guys, and then they will take me in, because I’m a girl, and the one thing about mommy lions and daddy lions is that they like little girls.”

She gestured at Caleb. “ He can come too. He’s nice.”

Just then, the lions roared again, and this time, they pounced on each other, causing Molly to change her mind quickly. Having had a good laugh, and given the kids a good shake-up, we left for the next thing: a large building, with hedges and statues shaped like lizards and snakes and crocodiles on the outside.

We entered the air conditioned building, finding ourselves in a gift shop. Aisles of shelves stocked with merchandise were patrolled by other visitors. Caleb and Molly wanted everything in the store, from rubber snakes to figurines to posters. I finally gave in and bought a snake for Caleb and a stuffed animal, a tiger, for the birthday girl, as well as a needlessly extravagant, overpriced,cheetah print shoulder bag for Jessica. Naturally, my wallet took a savage beating, but the painful screams that I could imagine it having went unnoticed by the other three as they dragged me over to a door with a large green sign on it which read:


SNAKE SHACK

SEE SEVENTY-SIX SEPARATE SPECIES OF SNAKES AND LIZARDS


I was taken aback by the mention of snakes for a moment, remembering old habits. I studied Jessica for a moment. Didn’t I tell her I was once afraid of snakes?

Before I could really make a judgement we entered the Snake Shack, which was a warm, dark corridor with rows of well lit glass cages. Inside each cage was a different, slimy, ugly creature that forced me to remind myself that there was a quarter inch of glass in between it and myself. But most impressive was a heavyset woman who stood before a small crowd of people with a Burmese python wrapped around her arm. Caleb was intrigued, and wandered off towards her, the rest of our troop filling in behind.

“ Now, these creatures live in South America, but they are causing real issues in Florida, where irresponsible owners have simply let them run wild because they can no longer take care of them. Unfortunately, when a new species like this is introduced to an ecosystem, they either die off because they aren’t suited to the environment, or they flourish with the absence of predators and can destabilize that ecosystem. Pythons have gone the second route, actually killing off crocodiles that live in the Everglades by strangling and constricting them before swallowing its prey whole, which in the case of crocodile eaters, may cause the snake to split open.”

She held the reptile out to the audience. “ Would anybody like to hold her?”

“Kevin wants to!”

I turned in surprise. Jessica adjusted her shoulder bag, with a smug expression that said, “gotcha!” I paled as Molly egged me on. I staggered forward and, cautiously approached. Stupid peer pressure, I thought, stupid Jessica, too. Stupid, stupid, stupid! The snake isn’t the only one who belongs in a cage!

Before I knew it, I was holding the gargantuan mass of scales. The snake’s handler was speaking, but her words were drowned out as I beheld the cold, yellow, cruel eyes of the creature that was now coiling and drooping on and around my arms. I was aware of every muscle that flexed around my wrists and elbows. My face grew real hot, as if pressure from not screaming was building up. I tried to blink away a strange dizziness that came over me suddenly...


“I’m okay, I swear,” I insisted as I was lead away from the Snake Shack, sipping on a milkshake. Jessica wasn’t too convinced.

“ You passed out! You’re lucky that serpent didn’t bite you or strangle you!”

Molly sniffed. She had been hysterical when I had fainted, a fact not helped by Caleb’s prodding question, “Is he dead? Is he dead, Jessica?” Just to cheer her up, I offered to give her a piggyback ride. She shook her head violently.

“ Well, where to next?” I received three glares in response.

“ Home.” Molly’s statement stung.

A long pause passed. My head throbbed a little. I didn’t want to leave on such a bad note. Molly had wanted this for a long time. I had to think of something. Glancing around I saw...

“ Monkeys!” And I dashed off to see them.

“Hey, wait!” shrieked Molly, completely changing her mind.

Soon we were there by the monkey cages, where the chimpanzees dangled from trees or dodged after each other on all fours. Another stood fifteen feet from us, holding its hands out to us in a plea for us to throw food to him. Molly and Caleb were laughing and smiling and joking again, pointing at the animals.

“ If they start throwing feces, I am so out of here.” Jessica confided in me, and I chuckled. She didn’t like monkeys. I disagreed with her on that point. At least I wasn’t making her hold one.

“What the-” someone in the crowd gasped. Another screamed. Turning, we saw a man walking inside the cage, staggering about with a bottle in his hand, mumbling incoherently. He wasn’t a zookeeper.

With a loud belch, he approached the monkey who had begged for food. It dropped on all fours and backed away a step. “No, no, no. I’s won’t hurt you’ s. I’s just wanna give ya somethin’ to drink. Watch.”

He exaggerated as he took a giant swig. I nudged Jessica, passed her ten bucks and pointed to a nearby concessions stand. She nodded vigorously and hurried the children away, as disappointed as they were. By the time I looked back, the monkeys’ slobbering lips were already pressed against the offered beverage. He sneezed violently.

I forced myself to walk away from the scene, joining my companions. The others were making there own orders, so I sat down at a bench. They joined me just as the screaming from the monkey cage escalated. Sounds like someone forgot to close a cage door. We stared agape as three furry blurs bolted through the mess of people, and off to cause havoc in the rest of the zoo.

“ I think we should call it a day,” I suggested, to everyone’s approval.

Once we were back in the parking lot, Molly and I said our farewells to Jessica and Caleb,took one last group picture, and hopped into our car to go home.

“Are you buckled in?” I asked.

Molly shook her head. Then she looked up, all smiles. “ I had lots of fun today. All those animals are amazing! Except for the snake. That was scary. Are you going to faint again while we drive? Don’t you think that Jessica is pretty? Why isn’t she driving us home? Wouldn’t that be safer if she drove us home, since you are going to pass out?”

I started the car, and was about to pull out of my parking space when someone tapped on my car window. It was Jessica, with Caleb right beside her. So I rolled the car window down.

“ Hello,” she grinned nervously, running her fingers through her hair. “ My phone batteries died, and I don’t have a license.”

“Say no more. Hop in.”

Soon Caleb was buckled into the back with Molly, and Jessica joined me in the passengers seat. Minutes later, the zoo dropped behind us. Molly was going on about the monkeys, getting Caleb all wound up as well. When both started shouting in the car, I pulled over.

“We forgot to do something. It’s important.” I looked convincingly serious.

“Huh? What?” Jessica furrowed her eyebrows.

“We didn’t feed the lions.” I twisted in my seat to look at two wide-eyed children. “Two words: Volume... Control. Understand?” They nodded furiously.

Then we drove off into the sunset.