Rumors spread fast, and by the next school day, it had turned from “Ashley kissed Jake” to a vast spectrum of tall tales, a number of which involved me losing my virginity, and one which claimed I was pregnant. I knew for a fact that these stories had originated in the cell phone of Casey, the most popular girl in the eighth grade and singular witness to my first kiss, and had been embellished by all of the other jealous girls who had heard about it and wanted revenge. How was it, they must be asking themselves, that Jake, sexy, popular Jake, had ended up making out with Ashley? I was wondering the same thing myself as I walked out of the cafeteria with Richie by my side, as always, but today he didn’t say a word to me because he had heard the rumors and had consequently become uncomfortably quiet around me the whole day. The only reason I had even been at the party was because it had taken place at my popular, sighted twin sister’s house. I had never felt comfortable talking to, not to mention kissing, new people, but something about the way Jake spoke, gently guiding the conversation, asking me about my life and helping me open up, had made the interaction effortless on my part.

After school, Jake wanted to go get pizza together. I couldn’t say no.

“It’s a beautiful day today..” I heard Jake remark, blatantly ignoring the buzz of our classmates gossiping. I walked close beside him and held his hand, not only to allow myself to stroll along without my walking stick, but also because I felt so comfortable by his side. I allowed myself to forget about the scents and sounds of the school and the road, and lose myself in Jake’s voice and his scent, mixed with a touch of cologne.

“I would say the same, but... You know.” Jake laughed at the blind joke.

“So... Are you and your sister close?”

“Well...” I said, wondering how to put our relationship into words. “At home, yea, totally. It’s just weird ‘cause... Well, we’re identical, but she ended up wicked popular at school while I’m pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole.”

“Why do you think that is?” He asked gently.

“Well... After being bullied so much in elementary school, I guess popularity sort of became her first priority, and since then she’s hidden her true personality behind this mask of flirtiness and sass. My reaction, though, was to become this shy, awkward kid...”

The conversation progressed in a similar fashion. We spent the whole walk there and our pizza lunch talking, and with every point he made, with every compliment he paid me, I fell more and more in love with both his intelligence and his sexy voice.

“And now the only person who’ll talk to me is Richie.” I said, in spite of my better judgement. Why was I talking about the guy that I liked with another guy that I liked? “And all he ever wants to talk about is his drawings, which I’ll never be able to see. ‘It’s amazing, really. I wish you could see some of mine. Not to brag, but I’ve been told I’m pretty good. I’ve drawn you before, you know.’” I was imitating him, and Jake was laughing, but I didn’t feel like I was doing Richie’s deep, mature voice any justice. There was something about the sound of his voice that I had always found irresistible.

“You know you can do so much better, right?”

“Um, yea, I...” I felt a surge of embarrassment. How could Jake have known about my crush on Richie?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“No, it’s ok, I like you a lot, too...” There was a long, strained silence. Then Jake said something completely unexpected.

“Most girls just want me for my looks. But, you’re blind. So what is it you see in me?”

“You’ve been really nice to me... You actually seem to get my story, you know?”



***



That night at the dinner table, I recounted the little date to my family. “It was nothing special, really, we just ate pizza and talked.”

“Don’t you like that ugly Richie kid you always hang out with.” It was more of an announcement than a question. “And he clearly likes you right back.” Taylor added. My twin had mentioned before the way Richie watches me with googly eyes all the time. Not that I knew what 'googly eyes' were.

“Ashley, we have some big news.” My mom said, changing the subject instantaneously “Now, before I tell you, I want you to know that whatever decision you make, we will be completely by your side. I want you to think about this very carefully. I am sure you will be able to have a successful life either way." A decision. Now I was nervous. My mom took a long breath. Suspense hung in the air like a dense fog. "There’s a new operation available, that could give you the ability to see." Everyone waited for a response, but I was speechless. My mom continued. "It’s terribly expensive, but the money you've won from all your essay contests and things will pay for about a quarter of it, and your father just got a raise, so we should be able to afford it... We just won’t be able to go on any fancy vacations or things for a few years. But we’re all more than willing to make that sacrifice, if you want it, of course.”

I was utterly dumbstruck. Being able to see for the first time in my life... Of course, it had always been my dream to be able to see... But now that it actually presented itself as an option, I was apprehensive.

“Ash, why wouldn’t you want to be able to see?” Taylor implored, seeing me lost in thought.

“Well, I know it sounds dumb, but... Like today, Jake told me most girls only like him for his looks...”

“So what?” Taylor asked, a bit exasperatedly. “You can still like him for his personality or whatever, plus he’s physically attractive! It’s just an added bonus!”

“Yea but... It’s just, I can’t decide if I like Richie or-”

“Oh, I see where this is going!” My sister interrupted, laughing. “You’re all noble and stuff so you don’t want your choice decided by looks! You know Jake is way hotter and you know that when you see him versus ugly Richie, it will, like, contaminate your decision, or something! Ash, you’re adorable!” Taylor was pissing me off, mostly because she was so right. I wasn't sure if I could trust myself to be unbiased and make my decision based on personality only. Right now, it was my best friend in the world who had been there for me since the third grade and who I cared about dearly, versus this sweet, charismatic boy who I liked a lot but had only just met last night. If I got this miracle treatment and it worked... Suddenly, the latter would be ten times more attractive than the former and my decision would be clouded by appearance. It seemed somehow unfair to Richie, who, according to just about everyone, was butt ugly, to eliminate his advantage of me being sightless, just like that. Did I trust myself to look past that and see them for who they were? Was being able to see worth the risk of judging people by their appearance for the rest of my life?



What if being able to see... Only made me blind?