Life is a mystery, a tangled web of confusion, people pleasing, goals un-met and people unknown. We all have secrets, things from the past or something we can do, a talent, a dark memory, something no one knows – everyone is a mystery. I am a mystery.
My name is Kaylie and I have a secret, a dark spot on the tapestry of my life – several of them in fact. ‘What is it’ you ask? I can’t tell you. Is your curiosity sparked? I was once told that curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back however I’m afraid that my secrets will not be satisfying you, not now, not ever.
A secret is a personal thing – why share it? My secret is dark and painful, something that lives deep inside me under lock and key – a key that has been destroyed. Sometimes I wonder about it, I mean, everything happens for a reason right? Every little thing that goes on in my life is just another piece of the puzzle that is me – a puzzle that not even I understand.
What’s this? I don’t understand myself? How insane! It just doesn’t make sense! Right? You know when you are talking to someone and your mind leaps ahead and follows a completely different thought? You go off on a tangent leaving the other person behind feeling confused as to what just happened? You snap out of it and continue the conversation although underneath you are still riding this tangent. Yes? You know that? Well that’s my life – a constant tangent that no one understands and I’ve no idea how I even got there.
No one knows me, sure people assume, but they don’t know. I’ve been told I have “sad eyes” eyes that at times contain such grief and sadness that looking into them for too long is “just depressing”. People ask “why” I tell them ‘It’s private’, ‘it’s just the way I am’ ‘my eyes aren’t sad, they are windows to my soul that’s crying’ they look at me confused “want to talk about it?” No. No I do not want to ‘talk about it’; I do not want to tell you my secret. It will be online in 10 seconds flat and all hell will break lose, I’ll keep my sadness to myself thank you very much.
Nothing is private these days, everyone knows everyone else’s business and if you manage to keep your life private they assume you are doing something illegal. Just because I have a secret doesn’t mean I’m a drug dealer – it simply means I know better than to trust people.
That brings us back to the beginning – what is my secret? Why haven’t I told anyone? Why don’t I trust anyone? I’ll tell you what, I might tell you my secret – you seem like a good listener, but don’t hold your breath – I only said I “might” tell you.
Teenagers today have this thing for wanting attention, I don’t know why but either way it’s annoying. They go around making Facebook statuses about every little drama in their lives they need to be petted and told everything will be alright, complimented and their egos looked after. Why they do this is just another mystery. They talk about themselves, tell everyone who will listen their little sob story and bask in the sympathy, upload photos of themselves crying and caption it saying how ugly they are. Of course you’re ugly! No one looks pretty when they cry!
In case you haven’t noticed, people my own age annoy me. A lot. I love children and adults are fine but teenagers are just plain frustrating. This is exactly why I am the way I am – untrusting and secretive (although, it’s no secret that they annoy me).
So who are you? How do you feel about people? You must be pretty tolerant if you’re still listening to me... I don’t know you, your name, your life goal, your life puzzle or any of the pieces on it. Do you know me? No, not really. You know my name, you know I have secret and sad eyes, and you know that teenagers annoy me and that I’ve no idea who I am. Wow, you already know me better than my own parents! Congratulations!
Well, it’s time for me to go, maybe I’ll find myself somewhere out there – I might even meet you one day! Two strangers walking past each other oblivious to the world around them... Sounds fun! I’ll see you then.
P.S. Oh! I forgot to tell you about my secret! Oh well, I don’t know you anyway so I guess that’s your secret and this is mine.