Before I took her to prom, I shaved. It felt weird having any trace of hair on my face when she didn’t even have any on her head.
I didn’t really know how I had gotten tricked into taking her to prom. Allie’s silver tongue, I suppose.
“Come on, Jasen!” she had said. “You’re only a junior so you can go to prom again next year, and it’d be really nice if someone took Chelsea to her senior prom.”
Allie had gone on to say how Chelsea was one of her best friends and she wanted her to have a great prom experience after all she’d been through, and how I’m her brother and couldn’t I just do her this one favor…and now somehow I’m stuck with the bald girl. That’s what I get for trying to be nice, I guess.
Chelsea has leukemia but has only recently gone in remission, so her hair still hasn’t grown back. She’s also been one of my sister’s best friends since like elementary school. My mom loves her, and that’s why she and Allie ganged up on me to try and get me to take Chelsea to prom. But now I feel like agreeing was a mistake. I can imagine all the stares when I walk in with her. I can imagine all my friends judging me, saying, “Hey Jace, is that a chick or a dude that you’re with?” and then laughing their heads off. I had planned earlier on just going out with my friends, getting a little drunk, and having a grand old time.
Then there was Veronica.
Maybe I would have even asked her, had the situation been otherwise. She had beautiful, long blonde hair. That was the kind of girl I was into…not a bald one. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to run my hands through that hair. I don’t think Chelsea even has eyebrows.
A loud banging sounds on the door. “Jasen, hurry up! I need to do my hair!” It’s Allie, of course. This was her senior prom with her nauseatingly nice, abnormally smart boyfriend who had that I’m-better-than-you attitude, and she had to look just perfect. He looked down on me because he was going to Stanford after graduation, while I’d probably just end up getting a job straight out of high school. Sometimes, I felt like my mom wished Paul was her son instead of me. At least then she’d have something to be proud of.
She tried to hide it, of course. She told me she was proud of me for staying in school, not failing most of my classes, and not being a complete pothead – the most minimal amount of achievements possible for a seventeen year old boy. But deep down, I knew she wished that she had a son that was going to an Ivy League college, a husband who was actually around and didn’t have to work a second job, and two kids who at least actually liked each other. My dad was less lenient. I had the feeling he knew I was a failure, but never said it out loud. Constantly, he pushed me to be better.
“JASEN!! They are going to be here soon, and if you don’t let me in the bathroom to do my hair in the next thirty seconds, so help me!”
I sighed and swept my shaggy brown hair to the side. It was always in my face, but I guess there wasn’t much I could do with it anyway…not that I even cared for this occasion. The hair in my face went along perfectly with the zits, the dull gray eyes, and the expression that would let everyone know that I was only there because I had to be.
Swinging the door open and scowling at her I replied, “Here you go, your highness. The mirror awaits.” She entered without a word, bumping my shoulder as she passed.
I rolled my eyes, and headed to get my blue tie which, embarrassingly, matched Chelsea’s blue dress. If it was up to me I’d be wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt. After struggling with it for a few minutes, I flopped down onto the bed and closed my eyes. Maybe I could just disappear, or at least do something to get out of going to this stupid prom that my crappy family talked me into attending. The only one I really liked being around was my dog, Shirley, who jumped up onto my bed now to lick my face. I never minded when she did that, unlike Allie. Shirley was a gorgeous gray husky, and I was her favorite person - probably because no one else ever paid attention to her.
She laid down next to me and I scratched behind her ear. “What the hell am I doing, Shirley?” I asked her. “I should be going across the street to smoke a joint with Charlie, not to this stupid dance.
She just leaned in and licked my face again. Stupid dog. All she ever wanted was treats and a belly rub. I opened my eyes and pushed her away.
Then came a voice from the living room:
“Jasen, come down here! Someone is waiting for you!” She said the last word in a sing-songy voice.
I groaned and got off the bed. This was the point where there was no turning back. If I went out there, I had to go. With Allie’s bald best friend. Before I could change my mind, I swung open my door, and stalked down the hallway towards the living room.


She was sitting on the couch waiting, her bald head shining like a neon sign saying, “Look at me!” Standing next to her was Paul, with a pink bowtie and a superior look on his face.
“Hey, Squirt.” He said as I walked in. I gave him a dirty look and walked past, toward Chelsea. My mom, standing next to my dad, smiled and nudged me forward, handing me the corsage that she had insisted I get. Turning towards her awkwardly, I held out the box.
“Here” I said.
She smiled minutely, knowing just as well as everyone else in the room that I would rather be anywhere else but there at that moment.
My mother flitted over, her small figure tiny compared to my own large one, which I had gotten from my dad.
“Jace, you’re supposed to put in on her!” She exclaimed, taking the box from Chelsea, and shoving it back in my hands.
Warily, I took the corsage out of the box and slid it on her wrist, flinching where I touched her cold skin. I knew that this night was going to be not only humiliating, but awkward. It’s never good when your date knows that you don’t want to be seen with her. At just that moment, my sister walked in to see me finish placing the corsage on Chelsea’s wrist, finally ready after taking practically the whole day.
“Aww, isn’t that sweet!” She exclaimed, giving me a smile that said she was ready to break my face at any moment, if necessary.
I gave her the same look I’d given Paul earlier, as she walked up and gave him a kiss that really should be saved for when no one was around. It was sort of disturbing, but after almost two years, I had gotten used to it happening.
“Jace, doesn’t Chelsea look beautiful tonight?” Allie asked, warning in her tone.
I coughed and mumbled under my breath, “Depends on what your definition of beauty is…” while trying not to look at the girl in blue. How could Allie throw me under the bus with a question like that?
“Oh, Jace…” I thought I heard my mom mumble in the midst of an awkward silence. She was wringing her hands in distress. I don’t know what was making her so upset, I was only being truthful.
“It’s ok, Rachel.” Chelsea said to my mom, standing up. With heels on, Chelsea came to just above my chin. She really was a tiny girl, her bony limbs another sign of the cancer that she seemed none too concerned about hiding. My six foot two frame towered over her.
“Here, let me help you,” the girl said, indicating my still untied tie.
I tried not to shrink away as she deftly tied it around my neck, being careful not to get too close. As I wondered why on earth she was doing anything even remotely nice for me since I had never done (and never planned on doing) anything nice for her, there came a knock on the door. It was undoubtedly the rest of our group.
Here we go, I thought.


Dinner was awkward. I hope she didn’t expect me to pay for her - there were better things I could be doing with that money that didn’t include buying dinner for a girl that could pass for a dude. I let her and the waiter know that, too. I prayed to a God I didn’t believe in for it to be over. Maybe this was what it would be like when I died and went to hell – because if there actually was a God, then I was definitely going there. Finally, after the meal had been paid for and very few words had been spoken, we headed back to the car. Though I was relieved, I knew that now I faced a whole new predicament.
We pulled up to the dance. As my sister and Paul started to get out of the car I followed – but Chelsea grabbed my arm.
“Don’t touch me,” I grumbled, tearing my arm from her grasp. I noticed that she hadn’t yet taken the keys out of the ignition.
“This is not our stop.”
I scoffed. “What the hell do you mean, ‘not our stop?’ I paid money for these stupid tickets.”
“And I will reimburse you in full.” She nodded at Allie who smiled and left, and then Chelsea put the car into drive. Annoyed, I rested my hand on my chin and stared out the window.


We pulled up to a large building and occupied a parking space. The sign on the building told me that we were at St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. I groaned inwardly. I already knew what this was about, and it wasn’t going to work. Show me some sick kids, expect me to feel bad for them, cry like a baby, whatever.
Yeah right.
“I come to visit these kids all the time.” Chelsea explained as we walked through the front doors. “Even though I’m not stuck living in this hospital anymore, it just really lifts my spirits to see them.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
A woman at the front desk looked up as we walked in, and smiled.
“Looking mighty fine this evening, Miss Chelsea.” Then, referring to me: “And who is this?”
“This is my friend Jasen.”
I almost choked on my own spit. Friend?! What on earth gave her the right to place that title on me? I was definitely not her friend – very far from it, actually. To prove this, I scowled at the lady sitting at the front desk. She only smiled back – I hated extra polite people. No idea what they might have to be so optimistic about. The woman nodded as if to indicate that we should enter.
“Thanks Marsha.” Chelsea smiled as we left the front desk behind.
We went down a hall, up a flight of stairs, and then down another hall. This seemed as good a time as any to confront her.
“Okay, why did you bring me here?”
“Just wait, you’ll see.” She didn’t even turn to look at me.
“I don’t want to wait. I want answers now. Because frankly, I’m not very happy that we’re at this stupid hospital for sick kids instead of at the dance – at least there I could have found some of my friends and ditched you.”
She stopped abruptly and turned sharply to face me. “Maybe if you would just be patient and think of someone besides yourself for once, you’d see the purpose of this. I’m trying to help you, despite the fact that you have done absolutely nothing to prove that you deserve it.” Her stare looked as if it could cut iron. Where was all this coming from?
“Whatever.” I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Let’s just get this stupid thing over with so that you can feel like you ‘helped’ me.”
Finally, we opened a door to reveal a large room with a group of kids playing…a bunch of kids who, of course, were mostly bald just like Chelsea. When we entered, cries of delight escaped from many of the kids, who ran up to give the bald girl next to me hugs. The whole thing was just bizarre.
After the kids calmed down, some of them stopped to look at me.
“Chessy, who’s he?” asked a little boy who was all skin and bones. He was painful to look at.
“This is Jasen, Kenny. He came with me to visit you guys today!” She said in a cheery voice.
“Not by my own free will…” I mumbled under my breath. Chelsea shot me a look.
“Are you Chessy’s booooyfriend?” A little girl asked with a freakish smile.
It was the second time in ten minutes that I almost choked. Chelsea just laughed, and told the girl that I was not. Wasn’t that funny to me.
I felt a tugging on my sleeve. I looked down to see a little boy that couldn’t be any older than three years old. He had a breathing tube hooked to his extremely pale face, a little wooden train in his left hand and a ragged old teddy bear in his right.
“Wanna pay wif me?” He asked – and before I could refuse he was tugging me away, towards his little train set.
I sat down on the tiny stool next to the toy. It was obviously very old and worn, and missing pieces, but he didn’t seem to care. He picked up one of the train cars from the track, and held it out to me:
“For you!”
What else was I supposed to do? Reluctantly, I took the train from the little boys hand and played with him, running it along the tracks. He hooked some of the cars together and smiled, making a “choo choo” sound as he rolled his train down the tracks. Halfheartedly, I did the same, but without the sound effects. Some of the other kids had begun to join us, making trains of their own.
The original little boy that had pulled me came over, and sat right on my lap. Not knowing what to do, I pulled away a little, but let him stay there.
“You and Chessy very nice to come see us.” He said. “I wish mommy did, but that’s ok because I have Chessy instead!” And he gave me a big, cheesy grin.
I didn’t know what to say – had nothing to say. The boy jumped up and continued to play, happy as could be. I continued to play with the kids for the next half hour, making trains and building with Legos. Surprisingly, the whole thing wasn’t half bad – I had thought I would hate it here. At some point, Chelsea came up from behind me and touched me on the arm.
“There’s someone special that I want you to meet.” She said.
Not knowing what to expect, I followed her just down a narrow hallway that branched off from the large room. Quietly and slowly, she opened one of the doors.
Inside was a little girl, asleep on a bed. She looked about five years old. She was bald, and cuddling a black and white Dalmatian with one ear in her arms. Several tubes and wires coming from different machines were connected to her, and the only sound in the room was the soft beeping from the machine that tracked her heart beat. When I saw her, I didn’t know what to say. She was obviously very ill – pale face, shadows under her eyes, ragged breathing, and paper thin skin that her veins popped out of. If it hadn’t been for her chest rising and falling, she could have almost looked dead. But when Chelsea entered the room, the child woke, and a smile brighter than the sun itself lit her face.
“Chelsea!!” She exclaimed.
“Hi, Nora!” Chelsea sat on a chair next to the bed, while introducing me for the third time that night.
“Jasen, this is Nora.” She said. “Nora is my special little friend here at the hospital. Back when I was going through treatments, we spent almost all our time together.”
“Chelsea’s my other mommy.” Nora said matter-of-factly. The second child to indicate that. I had never realized what Chelsea really was to these kids.
“Nora, how are you feeling today?” Chelsea asked.
“Well, not that good. Doctor said I can’t get out of bed today. But now it’s okay because you came! And guess what else?”
“What?”
“I talked to Grandma today. She said she’s proud of me for being brave! And she said that soon, I get to see her again!” There was something haunting about the sad look in Chelsea’s eyes when Nora said that.
“That’s wonderful news, sweetheart.”
“I know. Grandma says that when I see her, we’ll get to do lots of fun stuff. And that maybe, if daddy stops being naughty, then someday he’ll be with us too! Chelsea, why you dressed so fancy today?”
“Well, Nora, I was supposed to be going to the prom tonight. And Jasen here is my date. But I decided to come see you guys first.”
Impossibly, Nora’s smile got bigger. “You look so pwitty!” And then she turned to me: “You is very lucky to get to take Chelsea to the Prom. She’s the most beautiful girl in the whole world!”
I was shocked. At that, I couldn’t take it anymore. I dropped to my knees beside Nora’s bed, and I sobbed.
I sobbed uncontrollably. I sobbed for this little girl, I sobbed for Chelsea – but mostly I sobbed for my own stupidity. For own distorted reality of life. Here I was, a young man, healthy, who was going around being bitter and rude towards everyone and everything – I saw that now – and my life wasn’t even bad. I had no fatal diseases, a mom and dad and sister and grandparents that loved me, I got to sleep under my own roof in my own bed every night.
And here was this girl. She was only five years old, and yet her life was rapidly coming to a close. She knew it too, somehow. In her own way. Her grandma was gone. Her father not around, doing who knows what. She lived in a grungy hospital in a small white room. Yet here she was, with this heart melting smile on her face. Her smile was what got me, and I sobbed.
I felt a comforting hand rubbing my back and heard Chelsea coming up with an explanation to Nora of why I was crying as I reflected on my own life choices. What was I doing? I had pushed away my family, never made many friends. I was rude to everyone. I never tried in school even though I knew I could do all the work easily. On most weekends, I got high or drunk or both – throwing my life away for no reason whatsoever. How could I throw away the gift that this little girl would probably give anything to have? I realized with dismay that I did not deserve this gift – but Nora did, and if there was any way I could give it to her, I would.
But unfortunately, I couldn’t. So I would have to do what I could.

*
*
*

Searching through the mail, I found all the usual things - bills, bills and more bills. Bills that I couldn’t pay, as a single mother in debt. But about halfway through the mail, I found a letter with a return address that I did not recognize. The last name was Moore.
I tore open the envelope to find a folded piece of paper inside. When I unfolded in, a smaller piece of paper fell out and fluttered to the floor. Confused, I slowly but urgently reached down and picked it up. It looked to be check. A check?
Further confused, I turned it over – and nearly fell out of my chair.
At first I was afraid. Who was this person, and why were they doing this? Was this some kind of scam? A set up? This was going to change everything. After the shock came the tears, and I let them flow freely – from tears or happiness, or confusion. I don’t really know. And then I remembered the other piece of paper. It had my name on it.
The letter read:
Linda,
This check is on behalf of the child who I pray may never leave your heart. She was a beacon of light, that little one, and that is why I am sending you this now – because you deserve it. I know that ever since your loss years ago the nights have been rough, and the bills hard to pay, so consider this a gift. I do not want anything in return – except to maybe meet up with you someday and have a chat. I hope this helps. Stay strong, and God bless.
Sincerely,
Jasen Moore