My parents named me Michael, but that’s not a cool name. So I call myself Trip. I went to a boarding school called Laxerbro Academy, which is located in Baltimore, Maryland. I was only a sophomore at the time, but I was like the coolest kid in the school. I was friends with the older kids and I was already the best lacrosse player. I got kicked out of that school, but it was for a stupid reason. And now I’m stuck in this huge predicament.

So basically, I was getting “tutored” by Rosemary Laxerbro after classes let out that day. That’s right Laxerbro, her great-grandparents founded the damn school. She wasn’t that popular, but she was very well-respected I had to do something with her, I mean I was already the most popular in the school but if I did this, my rep would be even better. Plus, she was a senior. While I pretended to listen to how smart she thought she was just cause she had mastered algebra, I could’ve sworn I heard something outside the classroom as if someone was close to the door. But I didn’t see anyone so I got on with the show. Rosemary and I started kissing and god was she awful. She was slobbering so much, but I endured the grossness by thinking, “It’s for the rep, it’s for the rep.”

Then, as if she hadn’t been sneaking around the whole time, Ms. Vitch walks in nonchalantly and sees me on top of Rosemary. Long story short, goodie two shoes Rosemary said it was all me and I got expelled. Not her. I thought whatever, now without me the lacrosse team sure is going to suck. And I’d be cool at any boarding school. But when I got home, I realized there was a problem. It was already January; I couldn’t apply to another boarding school.

I was not nervous at all for my first day of public school; confident I would be at least one of the most popular kids in my grade by the end of the year. And being the best on the lacrosse team would be easy, since only boarding schools were actually good at it.

While I was walking through the hallway during lunch trying to figure out where all the bros were, this kid from out of nowhere popped up and introduced himself as Bud. He seemed pretty cool and he had some flow, so I though maybe he was a rad dude. He was wearing Ed Hardy, but I ignored it.

“Come down to the locker room after school, we can hang out with some of my friends” he told me. Even though I wasn’t positive about Bud yet, I agreed to come down to the locker room after school. Even if they weren’t cool, at least I’d learn never to hangout with them again.

After school I went down to the locker room and I saw Bud with a bunch of other kids throwing around a lacrosse ball in the gym. I knew I had been right! Bud was a cool kid, and now I had the opportunity to show them that I’m the best at lacrosse and claim my crown as most popular kid in school.

I showed them some tricks and kept hearing, “Whoa this kid’s amazing!” They were so amazed by the stick skills I had, which figures since the public schools only player sub-par teams during their season. I was throwing the ball against the wall at record speeds while spinning my stick. Bud didn’t act too impressed, so maybe he’s pretty good himself, but I knew he wasn’t better than me; nobody was!

“Let’s go to the locker room,” Bud said, “I’ll tell you about who the cool girls are and who has all the parties” I agreed and followed him. But while we were talking in the locker room, I was surprised to see him pull out a bag that had the label “K2” on it and a little bowl. He took the tiniest puff of the K2 and passed it over to me. I was completely confused.

“Yo Bud, why are you doing that s***?” I said.

He kinda ignored my question, and instead of with an answer he said, “I only took a small hit,” he said, “I want my you to take a really big one though, it’s like an initiation for the lacrosse team.” What the hell was Bud talking about? Lacrosse players do not do drugs. At Laxerbro Academy, yeah we pounded natty’s every other weekend, but that was different. That wasn’t really bad for you. Adults drink beer all the time, but you never see them smoking whatever this stuff was. And I was pretty sure that at the beginning of the season they were going to test me for drugs. I was pretty sure this K2 stuff was a drug, I wasn’t sure though.
“Yeah I’m gonna hit this hard.” I said. “Maybe public school was a much different place than boarding school,” I thought, “maybe here instead of Natty Light the thing was K2.

I had no idea how to smoke this stuff, so Bud lit it while he instructed me on what to do with the bowl. I took a puff of the stuff.

“Harder”, Bud said, “You’re not going to get a buzz if you don’t inhale all the way.”

I sucked in as hard as I could and moved the bowl away from my mouth. I sucked all the smoke into my lungs and then it hit me. I started coughing harder than I have ever coughed before in my entire life. I couldn’t handle the smoke.

“Damnit”, I thought “now Bud is gonna think I’m some sort of loser.” But when I looked up, Bud was gone. I was so confused, and the coughing just kept getting worse and worse. I tried to lay down thinking it might stop it. The last thing I remember is feeling my heart beat very fast and slowly closing my eyes.

I woke up in a pitch-black room, assuming I was in the locker room and someone had shut off the lights. But when I tried to get up, I realized I was tucked into some sheets and was lying in a bed. I got out of the sheets and I felt my way around to the door of the room I was in. When I opened the door, I saw my parents, who were talking to a nurse. I looked at the time on my phone and realized it was 9 pm. I was unconscious for 6 hours?

“How did you go unconscious in the locker room?” my parents asked. OK, I thought, maybe didn’t know I was doing drugs. Thank god they were so stupid.

“I have no idea, how did I get here?” I asked.

“A kid who was going to take a shower in the locker room saw you sleeping on the floor and thought it was weird you’d be sleeping there. He tried to wake you up, but you just stayed asleep continued to fidget a lot. He thought you were in some kind of coma or had passed out, so he got your phone from your pocket and called us, then we brought you here.”

“Ok, good,” I thought, “they don’t know about the drugs.” Since I was so smart, I was quickly able to come up with an excuse saying I remembered slipping on some spilled water and hitting my head on the a bench. “I probably passed out then.” I told them. We went home and the car ride was pretty quiet. It seemed a little bit like they were annoyed, not because I went unconscious but because I interrupted their schedule. I didn’t care though; they were just as stupid as public school kids.

What was Bud doing trying to get me smoke that s***? It was like he knew I was going to pass out and he just left me there.

During lunch the next day, I started questioning Bud, asking him, “Why the hell did you just leave me there?” He seemed surprised to see me. I could tell he was trying to make up an excuse on the spot, but he wasn’t as smart as me. “Why are you trying to lie to me Bud, were you trying to put me in a coma or something you idiot?” I said.

“Hey, who told you about what I was trying to do?”

Bud actually tried to put me into a coma? Just then, I put all the pieces together and it hit me just like the coughing attack the other day. Bud saw me as competition. When we were playing in the gym that day, I remember him saying he played left-wing attack, and I told him the same position. He seemed indifferent when I was doing all the tricks, while his friends were amazed. Bud knew I was easily going to start over him this year. He wanted to keep me out of this school for as long as possible. His plan was pretty stupid though. Even if he successfully put me in a coma, I would’ve come back eventually and stole his position on the team. Maybe he thought that I would be too scared to come back? I think he underestimated the fact that I was the man.

I pushed Bud against a locker and told him, “Did you really think a public school loser who wears Ed Hardy was going to scare me away?” I guess this made him angry because he proceeded to try to punch me. I guess I hadn’t gotten a chance to show everyone in this school yet and so Bud didn’t know, but I was absolutely huge. At Laxerbro, I lived in the weight room. I could put up 225 on the bench like at least 5 times. So it really wasn’t hard for me to beat the s*** out of Bud, I don’t think he could’ve been any weaker. Probably because the weight rooms, like everything else in public schools, are so crappy.

I had no idea that it was even possible, but I ended up getting kicked out of public school too. It doesn’t happen too often but I don’t think it should even be legal. I mean yes Bud has a couple broken bones but now I have to be homeschooled, which sucks. But at least my house is nice cause my parents make so much money; only poor kids went to public school anyway. And even though she was an idiot, my mom was still better than the old bags we had for teachers. Besides, I was so superior to my parents and brother so I would definitely be the coolest one in the house.