The sun rises in the windows of the high-rises. It shoots in my face like a splash of cold water. My eyes fly open and well up with moisture. New York, the city of hopes and dreams, yet all it gives me is tears. I can no longer open the windows to the fresh scent of flowers. Now the only scent that fills my room is the gas from all the cars, and of course the screaming and hollering New Yorkers I will never grow up to be.
“Soleil!” my mother interrupts my train of thought. Shoot! School! I think to myself. I throw on an old pair of jeans, a button down shirt, and cowboy boots. Kicking the door open I notice my mother has left. I’m still not hungry from the night my father rose to the heavens. My mascara runs, but there is no time to spare. I pull my chin off the cold counter and wipe the mascara from my face.
I feel like the runt of the litter, being shoved around as the first bell of the school year rings. The day drags on as the dreaded thought of lunch hangs over my head, yet the time has to come soon enough.
My head is spinning, I feel like my dad when he is drunk. Tears begin to push through my eyes, not today I tell myself, not today. Just as I lift my head up, I see a girl, a potential friend. Her smile is somewhat deceiving though, I can tell. She spins around, laughs, and pours her pasta all down the only pair of pants that remind me of my father. Her smirk spreads wide, not even bothering to hide it.
I cover my face, trying to be discreet, and slam the bathroom door. It is as if someone is reaching in to steal me, who I used to be. Now I am no one, I can’t dwell on the past but every thought that floats into my head wells up more and more tears until I slip in my own puddle. Everything in my life is painful, whether it is painfully sad, or happy. It’s all just the same to me. Too rich with money and sadness is the same as too rich with happiness and no money. I just can’t be perfect. Somehow, in everybody else’s mind my life is perfect, perfect grades, perfect family. They are all just a centimeter off from hitting the bull’s eye. One word off, my life was perfect. I have the opportunity for a near perfect life here too, but I think Marlie ruined that by pouring her pasta down my pristine white pants I had gotten as a birthday present from my father.
I suck it up, push the white washed door open, and place the biggest lie on my face; a smile. As soon as the smell of burnt pasta passes through my nose I know I’m at home again. My mom is the worst chef in the world, (one time she burnt water) yet I have no gut to reveal this to her. We are all just the same, me, my sister, and my mom, all having a full head of curly brown locks and piercing blue eyes. My sister may look completely different now for all we know, except for one thing that keeps us chained together, the perfectly shaped heart inscribed on our wrists. We have colors, each color for a different reason. When we are mad, instead of that awkward conversation with your mom everyone wants to avoid, we color in our heart green. Something catches her eye, uh oh, I looked down and tried to smudge the green away but it’s too late. She has a disturbed look on her face, so do I.
“Wanna talk bout it?”She questions hopefully.
“NO” I stomp my feet, and slam the door in her face.
I can’t stand thinking about what happened today, let alone talking about it, why me, I used to be the most popular girl.
The next morning, I wasn’t able to bear the thought of seeing Marlie’s face again. What was worse was who I saw her with. Her fingers were interlaced with Kyle’s. As I sauntered past them, Kyle ripped his hand from Marlies and ran after me. My heart was beating a million beats per minute. I felt white in the face as I heard the sobs of Marlie.
A soft gentle hand fell on my shoulder, I spun to see the god-like face of Kyle. My heart melted as I heard the soft words,” Wanna go to the movies tonight?”
I hesitated, knowing that Marlie would grow red in the face. The sound of that pleased me. I flipped my hair like those snotty teenagers you see on TV and nodded. I ran home lightheartedly with color still in my cheeks. I could barely hide the dorky smile on my bright face. Now the heart on my wrist was colored dazedly in red. I galloped straight into my room, blazing a trail behind me, and screamed into my pillow. I screamed so loud it cracked the glass my mom held in her delicate hand.
I poked my head through the sandy brown door, “sorry!”
I was so ecstatic I could barely breathe, let alone stand. Spinning around in my corridor of a closet I pondered on what to wear.
As I made an entrance through my bedroom door, my mom’s chiseled jaw dropped like a rock from an airplane. My over perfected teeth gleamed just as my mom’s eyes welled up and I heard a gentle nock on the door. My heart was beating so loud I was afraid the whole world could hear. As I sauntered for the doorknob, my mom grabbed my arm and I pulled away aggressively.
After the best night of my life… my life… that lit a match in my memory. I looked down at the frilly dress that I had never worn but was somehow so familiar. My older sister, Maya, left when I was just a little girl, I remember this hurt my mother to the point unimaginable. I slipped my hand from the muscular forearm of Kyle. I allowed my toes cramp for a mere second while I placed my pursed lips on his perfect face.
“Thank you, I’m sorry” I said and darted off into the night like a spaceship.
I couldn’t bear to go home yet I couldn’t turn to see the disturbed and confused look on the face of the only other person I knew in this monstrous city. For a while I ran around like a crazed tourist looking for a restaurant I couldn’t find. I could barely wrap my mind around what was going on but as the familiar scents on honeysuckle and berries filled my nose, it was like a filter. Suddenly I knew exactly what to do next, as if someone was telling me. I extracted the emergency credit card from my wallet. My hands were accelerating faster than my mind and before I knew it I was in the tight embrace of my mother, squishing the white apology roses between us.
“I love you,” I whispered, pushing the tears back into my eyes.
My mom snorted through her stuffy nose,” I love you too….so much…no matter what you do or where you go, I will always love you.”
The words hit me like an airplane, they were overbearing and the tears flowed down my face until the puddle kissed the tips of my toes.
At school, Marlie came with a bright pink streak in her hair and lots of eyeliner. I could tell it infuriated her to see my masculine hand with his, but it made me happy so I ignored her and soaked in all the glory from the “popular group.” I smiled and gripped Kyle’s hand even tighter, preparing for the evil smirk of Marlie that surprisingly never came.
Later that evening as I meandered through the dark streets filled with an interesting variety of people. As I turned onto the gloomy street labeled “dover,” the only lit room on the street caught my eye, and Marlie was there! The exterior of the store read, “T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.” I continued to walk as if nothing happened. Then I stopped dead in my tracks… therapy? But why? I could see through the window that her hands were wrung up in a disturbed position. I was determined to figure out why she was here.
“Oh shoot!” I screamed running faster than my mind could catch up with my legs.
I slapped my hand over my mouth while my other hand was busy pulling my body up the rocky stairs that lay loosely on the outside of my apartment building. A cold hand wrapped around my bony ankles like a snake. I desperately flung myself into the warmth of my bedroom. My heart was beating so fast, as if it wasn’t beating at all. Now I know Marlie will go to any extent to hurt my already torn soul. She is mentally ill, I could now infer. She would never look or be thought of the same to me, ever, after what happened tonight. I felt for her, I don’t know why but I did. I put myself in her shoes, but only for a split second.
The following day was just the same, so much attention, it was so overpowering I could barely notice how disturbed Marlie looked. Her makeup was smeared all over her ghost like face. I’d never seen her like this, and apparently neither had anyone else. We all ignored her attitude because we didn’t know how to handle it.
When the last class of the day finally came, my eyes burned with excitement and from watching the clock. My second date with Kyle was approaching, but it couldn’t come soon enough.
The movie was at ten tonight, so I asked Ann if she would go get pizza with me before. The whole time I was either paying attention to the clock or the delicious smell of pizza. I was trying so hard to listen to Ann but all I could do was sit and wait for the clock that didn’t seem to move.
I raced home and raced up the ladder and flew open the window to the sight of a dark room. My whole body shook with fear as I stood over her. My tears fell to the ground at a million miles per hour. She was all I had left… it hit me then. I lurched forward, the broken glass abrading my skin. A mixture of blood and tears covered the floor.
“But who!? Why!?” I screamed into the dead air.
My face lost all its color, turning ghost white when I saw her. She stood in an army like stance with a dulled knife in her hand. Revenge, such a terrible yet gleaming object, a win-lose situation.
“Marlie!?” I stepped from my mother’s body.
I raced into my room like an Olympic gold medal winner and jumped into the city air I had come to know and love. The air felt so good on my neck, then the sky turned pitch black and everything else was a mere blur.
I remembered nothing of the previous night when I woke up the next morning. The awkward smell of rubber gloves in the doctor’s office burned my nose. Three people stood over me with glint in their eyes. One was separate from the three, standing in the corner with a different mindset, I could tell. She winked…I knew this girl…and not in a good way.
“You! You did it!” I broke the silence in the room.
“Sweetie, I know your confused but don’t talk to your sister like that.” Her voice was so calming I almost listened to her.
I was confused, I only had one sister, and she was god knows where. A big lady with a warm smile and the scent of vanilla sauntered over me.
“You have no family left, you must go with these kind people and their daughter.”
I could feel all of the blood slowly drain to my fingers as I let the words sink in. Flash backs of the previous night now came into view. My soon to be sister… the thought stung so I bad I couldn’t stand to say them out loud. I stared upon her face, it was as if she wasn’t present, standing there against the white wall. The pink streak in her hair stood out like a red fire hydrant in a black and white picture. My eyebrows pulled together as I was dragged into my new home.
I was surprised I woke up alive the next morning, seeing that I now lived with... I can’t say it. I can see now why I was alive. We bulled up in a dark suburban and I was escorted into a cold room.
My heart was pounding out of my chest, sweat was dripping from my face onto the colorless floor. I refuted her statement that she did not kill my mother to the police with the blurry picture I discreetly took of Marlie holding a knife in my doorway. As the sun set, I was reticent not to say the wrong thing.
A smile was ostensibly placed on my face as I watched Marlies pale body in her ostentatious orange suit being placed behind bars, and hopefully later in an insane asylum.
I looked at my heart inscribed with sharpie on my wrist and crossed it off. Soleil- I was meant to be such a good girl. Now all that filled my head as I walked out of the county jail that evening is that night, that one single night that would change my life forever.